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I agree that two broken engagements by age 30 is a red flag.
Yeah; he had two girlfriends in his late-teens/early 20s. Both long-term relationships, both ended in proposals. I don't know the details. But it's been three years since his last engagement. He told me his third will be his last, he's learned from his mistakes, etc. It seemed sincere.
I think it's OK...if it's really just that he's super eager and interested, that's quite flattering. Especially because I liked him too. But as a female, my fear is that it's not that -- but rather he is just desperate to lock someone down, or trying to woo me into more quickly sleeping with him. Because I think about it logically; how could he really be that interested in me after one date?
It can be scary OP but honestly I think falling in love is always scary, regardless of the pace it happens.
Not saying you are even close to falling in love right now. But just that feeling fear doesn’t mean something is wrong.
After 2 ended engagements and at the age of 30 he could just really know what he wants. Enjoy it. Even if things don’t work out with him, I agree it’s very flattering to be pursued.
And take some time before having sex. I mentioned how quickly my partner and I got into a relationship. It was one week after we met. He wanted to have sex when we committed but I was didn’t want to because I liked him so much and didn’t want to ruin things. When I told him I wanted to wait he was totally fine with that. That’s how you will know.
What I would say is making plans to see someone again soon after the first date is always a good thing. I love that type of eagerness.
Frequent text messages that seem to go nowhere, when you have not yet asked for a second date is a turn off. I call that needy and insecure. Like the man is looking for something to reassure him that he won't be turned down should he ask for a second date.
I liked when a man was confident enough to ask see me again soon after the first date. To me it meant he wasn't afraid of being around me, he wasn't afraid of running out of things to talk about, he wasn't trying to play the field by dating multiple women at the same time, and that he likes to go out and be social.
It seems that certain people have their own definition of "needy" or "eager". I knew a woman who purposely had long distance relationships (usually an hour or so drive) with men just because she didn't want a local man showing on her doorstep multiple times a week...and yes, she means this even in a long term, established relationship.
I have a female friend that requires facetime with her man at least 3 times a week. Some may consider that overly eager or "needy"
Finally, I knew of an ENGAGED woman that got of her future spouse stopping by her place daily. I said, "Um, this guy is going to be LIVING with you, you better get used to it"
Her solution...she called off the engagement. She'd become too accustomed to the single life up into her mid-30s. She considered him "needy" or whatever, but she was a mtn biker and hung out with her mtn biking friends on a weekly basis (weekends). I think her fiance' wanted her to give up one of those weekends so they could spend time together...that was a big problem for her.
It seems that certain people have their own definition of "needy" or "eager". I knew a woman who purposely had long distance relationships (usually an hour or so drive) with men just because she didn't want a local man showing on her doorstep multiple times a week...and yes, she means this even in a long term, established relationship.
I have a female friend that requires facetime with her man at least 3 times a week. Some may consider that overly eager or "needy"
Finally, I knew of an ENGAGED woman that got of her future spouse stopping by her place daily. I said, "Um, this guy is going to be LIVING with you, you better get used to it"
Her solution...she called off the engagement. She'd become too accustomed to the single life up into her mid-30s. She considered him "needy" or whatever, but she was a mtn biker and hung out with her mtn biking friends on a weekly basis (weekends). I think her fiance' wanted her to give up one of those weekends so they could spend time together...that was a big problem for her.
Was he too "eager"?
Once you are engaged I don’t think eager applies any more! I think of eager in terms of how quickly you want to get into a relationship. If you just met and seem to want to commit quickly, then that is eager. Not a bad thing per se (i got into my relationship 1 week after meeting) but it can make some people nervous. I think the OP’s date is eager but he may just know what he wants, and it doesn’t mean he is needy.
You are needy if you expect your partner to be your sole or primary source of happiness. You should have a life and be happy independently of the person you are dating. But if you are calling or texting or asking to see them because you have no other friends or hobbies, that is a huge turn off, regardless of how often the calls are.
Part of this does depend on your personality, especially if you are an extrovert or introvert. I am extroverted so I much rather be around someone than to be by myself. I have a lot of fun with my partner and love being around him so when we started dating we saw each other pretty much every day. It’s not because either one of us is needy. We still take trips on our own or hang out without each other.
It’s far to early to tell if the OP’s date is needy. Eager, yes, but that is not a bad thing.
Once you are engaged I don’t think eager applies any more! I think of eager in terms of how quickly you want to get into a relationship. If you just met and seem to want to commit quickly, then that is eager. Not a bad thing per se (i got into my relationship 1 week after meeting) but it can make some people nervous. I think the OP’s date is eager but he may just know what he wants, and it doesn’t mean he is needy.
You are needy if you expect your partner to be your sole or primary source of happiness. You should have a life and be happy independently of the person you are dating. But if you are calling or texting or asking to see them because you have no other friends or hobbies, that is a huge turn off, regardless of how often the calls are.
Part of this does depend on your personality, especially if you are an extrovert or introvert. I am extroverted so I much rather be around someone than to be by myself. I have a lot of fun with my partner and love being around him so when we started dating we saw each other pretty much every day. It’s not because either one of us is needy. We still take trips on our own or hang out without each other.
It’s far to early to tell if the OP’s date is needy. Eager, yes, but that is not a bad thing.
I think I have found some situations where men MAY have been too quick to lock a woman into exclusivity too soon, or at least not talking with her about it first.
This one woman, I think she was on her 4th or 5th date with a guy. He brought her as a +1 to a home party or some party. He had a lot of friends there and they were kind of giving him congratulatory "attaboys" for landing her. "She's smart, and pretty! Quite a catch you have there" or something like that.
This caught her off guard...and she wasn't expecting it. Or a guy would be calling her "honey" or "sweetie" by the third date.
I knew of one guy that wanted to move in with a woman after having dated her only 2 months. I have noticed men eager to "lock a woman down" sooner than latter.
Now...to be honest, I think they arent really bad guys, but I guess this depends on their own personal luck with women. If they've had a 1 year dry spell without any female contact, I can see them being this way sometimes lol
I think I have found some situations where men MAY have been too quick to lock a woman into exclusivity too soon, or at least not talking with her about it first.
This one woman, I think she was on her 4th or 5th date with a guy. He brought her as a +1 to a home party or some party. He had a lot of friends there and they were kind of giving him congratulatory "attaboys" for landing her. "She's smart, and pretty! Quite a catch you have there" or something like that.
This caught her off guard...and she wasn't expecting it. Or a guy would be calling her "honey" or "sweetie" by the third date.
I knew of one guy that wanted to move in with a woman after having dated her only 2 months. I have noticed men eager to "lock a woman down" sooner than latter.
Now...to be honest, I think they arent really bad guys, but I guess this depends on their own personal luck with women. If they've had a 1 year dry spell without any female contact, I can see them being this way sometimes lol
Yeah, I used to get the wanting to move in thing a.s.a.p., too, when dating when I was younger. That was a no-go for so many reasons for me, but largely because in my experience a man who couldn't swing living on his own wasn't a man with whom I wished to share household and financial responsibilities. A man didn't have to be rich or especially well-off, but he needed to be able to pay his own way on his own for me to want to be with him.
You are needy if you expect your partner to be your sole or primary source of happiness. You should have a life and be happy independently of the person you are dating. But if you are calling or texting or asking to see them because you have no other friends or hobbies, that is a huge turn off, regardless of how often the calls are.
Part of this does depend on your personality, especially if you are an extrovert or introvert. I am extroverted so I much rather be around someone than to be by myself. I have a lot of fun with my partner and love being around him so when we started dating we saw each other pretty much every day. It’s not because either one of us is needy. We still take trips on our own or hang out without each other.
I see a lot of my younger self in this thread. I got together with my first girlfriend due to neediness on my part, rather than attraction to her. I never dated in high school, no thanks to my NiceGuy(TM) behaviors. And I kept seeing events that subtly required a date (homecoming dance, visiting music acts, etc.) posted on flyers around campus. So when she agreed to go on a date with me, I immediately tried to "lock down" a committed relationship, which was also due to indoctrination by the Blue Pill mainstream media, that all women want commitment from a man. I have a feeling I didn't have much competition, because we became a couple within just a few weeks.
It being college, we saw each other almost daily. However, I quickly learned I made a rash decision and put the cart before the horse. I learned I had little in common with her, plus I wasn't attracted to her, either. For example, she was from a region where public transit is considered shameful; I see it as a normal thing. So she always insisted on driving on dates, even with gridlocked streets and expensive parking (which she at least pitched in for). We did have a shared interest in zoos and sushi, though. I felt like I had no other choice, due to oneitis on my part. We lasted a few months, past New Year into the next academic term, but fizzled out after that.
If I thought back then like I do today, I wouldn't have bothered with her. Because all in all, it wasn't a fun relationship. I'd politely turn her down, and maybe be friends with her, like I have female friends now. Although honestly, we didn't have enough in common to sustain a long-term friendship, either. Serves me right for desperation and oneitis.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 11-22-2018 at 11:06 AM..
If the guy showed no interest at all and didn’t text this thread would about the OP being worried that he isn’t showing any interest. This is the typical, modern, American woman. It’s never right no matter what a guy does.
I see a lot of my younger self in this thread. I got together with my first girlfriend due to neediness on my part, rather than attraction to her. I never dated in high school, no thanks to my NiceGuy(TM) behaviors. And I kept seeing events that subtly required a date (homecoming dance, visiting music acts, etc.) posted on flyers around campus. So when she agreed to go on a date with me, I immediately tried to "lock down" a committed relationship, which was also due to indoctrination by the Blue Pill mainstream media, that all women want commitment from a man. I have a feeling I didn't have much competition, because we became a couple within just a few weeks.
It being college, we saw each other almost daily. However, I quickly learned I made a rash decision and put the cart before the horse. I learned I had little in common with her, plus I wasn't attracted to her, either. For example, she was from a region where public transit is considered shameful; I see it as a normal thing. So she always insisted on driving on dates, even with gridlocked streets and expensive parking (which she at least pitched in for). We did have a shared interest in zoos and sushi, though. I felt like I had no other choice, due to oneitis on my part. We lasted a few months, past New Year into the next academic term, but fizzled out after that.
If I thought back then like I do today, I wouldn't have bothered with her. Because all in all, it wasn't a fun relationship. I'd politely turn her down, and maybe be friends with her, like I have female friends now. Although honestly, we didn't have enough in common to sustain a long-term friendship, either. Serves me right for desperation and oneitis.
What's kind of weird is , when I WOULD meet a woman that would probably matched with me in all aspects, their attraction to ME wasn't mutual. Hell, we could even finish each other's sentences, we "GOT" each other. That's a HUGE attraction for me in unto itself. That draws ME in. It's great having someone that GETS you.
Usually it wound up being a platonic friendship because of the like interests and beliefs though and whatever I said above.
That said, I formed a conclusion that like interests and a belief system and the fact that we "get" each other don't meet much if there's some physical aspect of you that turns them off. Or at they very most, never though of you in "that way".
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