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I am actually of the belief that if one person wants/can have pets, and the other doesn't, for whatever reason, it is a deal breaker. I don't think you can just expect people to give up pets they love. And on the other side of things, I have asthma and you can't live your life in a constant asthma attack. So unfortunately this may mean you both have to move on. Also, if you make them give up the cat, for you, do you really think the son is going to enjoy having you around? It's hard enough to be a blended family. When I was dating, I had to actually never date men who had dogs that shed, for this same reason, they give me asthma attacks. But I would never ever ask a person to give up a pet, I am involved in animal rescue and couldn't do that. So it was an automatic no date right off the bat if they said they had a dog that sheds.
Also, would the cat be alone all the time if the cat lived in the basement? Because that isn't a nice life for a cat.
I just can't see a husband treating his wife that way if they shared a kid together. They would both tell the kid that the cat has to go!
But that is just the point, this is a kid he had with someone else. They aren't a family. And I'm sorry but I do think a minor child should come before a new relationship. It's sad, it's not fair, but that's just the way things are.
I am actually of the belief that if one person wants/can have pets, and the other doesn't, for whatever reason, it is a deal breaker. I don't think you can just expect people to give up pets they love. And on the other side of things, I have asthma and you can't live your life in a constant asthma attack. So unfortunately this may mean you both have to move on. Also, if you make them give up the cat, for you, do you really think the son is going to enjoy having you around? It's hard enough to be a blended family. When I was dating, I had to actually never date men who had dogs that shed, for this same reason, they give me asthma attacks. But I would never ever ask a person to give up a pet, I am involved in animal rescue and couldn't do that. So it was an automatic no date right off the bat if they said they had a dog that sheds.
Also, would the cat be alone all the time if the cat lived in the basement? Because that isn't a nice life for a cat.
Well I think its one thing if she met him and he already had the cat. But they've been engaged for 5 yrs, and he got the cat only 6 months ago! I don't think the son is actually going to care that much! Maybe a bit sulky for a week, but he'll get over it. And this same exact situation I'm sure happens with families all the time. The parents have to come together and tell the kid that mom is allergic and sorry the pet has to go.
That is horrible! I have allergies too! I just started on shots a few months ago and you are exactly correct! Its a huge commitment to go every week. Some weeks I miss because I get out of work late and then instead of advancing the dose, I have to go back to the last dose. And I won't even see a benefit until a full year!
There are a lot of disturbing things about what you said about. I am going to assume your fiance is a great person, and truly wants what's best for everyone.
I would talk to him, ask him to talk to the kids pediatrician on how to tell the kid the cat has to go. Maybe the pediatrician can suggest a good strategy so that the kid won't be too traumatized. Maybe a replacement fish or something that you aren't allergic too.
But even this strategy works and your fiance agrees I would seriously question how much he loves you. Is this going to be the first of several situations where he sides with his kid over you and can't come to a solution that will benefit everyone?
How old is the son? If you've been together 5 yrs, and he had the kid before you met, the kid should be able to understand that the cat is making you sick and be able to let the cat go.
Do you two live together? Your symptoms are not going to get better as long as that cat is there. And cat dander tends to stick around a really long time and get into all upholstered items.
I'm sure you already know, allergies suck! Its like always having a cold and you still have to go to work and be functional.
I am sorry you are in the situation but maybe the silver lining is that you will see what would happen should you two get married. He should treat both you and his kid like you are are a part of the same family. I just can't see a husband treating his wife that way if they shared a kid together. They would both tell the kid that the cat has to go!
The son is 9. We don't live together as of now. I have my house but planning to sell it after the wedding next month.
But that is just the point, this is a kid he had with someone else. They aren't a family. And I'm sorry but I do think a minor child should come before a new relationship. It's sad, it's not fair, but that's just the way things are.
5 yr engagement! Not a new relationship!
He clearly showing the OP that he doesn't consider her to be incorporated into his family with himself and his son.
The son is 9. We don't live together as of now. I have my house but planning to sell it after the wedding next month.
Ok well I think you got very lucky this happened before you sold your house.
Did your allergiest tell you how hard it is to get rid of pet dander? That even if you were to get rid of the cat the dander sticks around for a very long time?
If you get married, you two will be partners. You need to be able to agree on things that are as important as this situation. Have you two had discussions already on how involved you will be in his child's life?
If he tells you something to the effect of "I'm his dad. I get to decide", then OP you will get into this same situation again. Is it worth it for you?
Do not sell your house right now. Don't sell your house until you know you have a place to live where there are no allergens.
Well I think its one thing if she met him and he already had the cat. But they've been engaged for 5 yrs, and he got the cat only 6 months ago! I don't think the son is actually going to care that much! Maybe a bit sulky for a week, but he'll get over it. And this same exact situation I'm sure happens with families all the time. The parents have to come together and tell the kid that mom is allergic and sorry the pet has to go.
I'm sorry but I don't buy into this. I work in animal rescue, do you have any idea how many pets are given up for a new partner? Then the partner doesn't last, and the person get a new kitten or puppy, and so on and so forth. When you give up a pet to many shelters in the USA, you are pretty much guaranteeing that dog or cat won't make it out alive.
And again, giving up the son's cat for a new person in the house, is this really going to create a great a nice environment for a blended family. They are difficult enough.
According to the OP, the basement is the size of many houses, carpeted and has lots of light. It sounds like the same environment a condo-dwelling cat would enjoy.
I've had cats my entire life. Putting the cat in the basement is not a good idea if they care about the cat's happiness. Cats are independent, sure, but they need human socialization. With the cat out of view in the basement, its only options to be with humans are when humans decide to visit it for what, a few minutes a day? Cats like their own space but they need to be around humans, or alternatively another cat, and another cat would just worsen the allergies.
Some cats do well alone in condos for long periods. These are typically older cats. Many people recommend getting two cats if you work full time. I have two cats for that very reason. But I'm not allergic to them.
It would be better to rehome the cat than to stick it in the basement. Unfortunately it seems like the fiance doesn't want to consider that, and that's really tough. I don't envy the situation.
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