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I never understand how someone's fear of rejection can be greater than their desire for someone. To me, if their fear of rejection overrides their desire for the person, then they don't want that person bad enough. I mean, desire does go along a sliding scale. There are degrees/levels of of desire and if you don't want someone that bad, then you're not going to take any risks for them. If you do want someone badly, then the risks will be worth it. I just think about stories I hear from people about being sooooo in love with some person they knew (maybe a friend?) yet they never told them. Then they lament for months, years or sometimes decades about how they missed out and how sad they are. I think that's bull. You weren't that much in love. If you were, your desire would have consumed you and you would have walked out on that ledge to have what you wanted. I have done such things myself. I just don't understand such cowardice and passiveness. And it is everywhere.
I know I'm weirder than most, but sometimes it can be very paralyzing. I can't really explain it.
And it's not just restricted to 'approaching'; speaking up during meetings, attending social gathering after work, or networking can all bring out a fear of not wanting to look or say something stupid that is so overriding that you just don't bother and later beat yourself up over it.
I know I'm weirder than most, but sometimes it can be very paralyzing. I can't really explain it.
And it's not just restricted to 'approaching'; speaking up during meetings, attending social gathering after work, or networking can all bring out a fear of not wanting to look or say something stupid that is so overriding that you just don't bother and later beat yourself up over it.
I have heard of this. I guess I don't understand it. Social anxiety and the like. My question is, doesn't this effect you adversely in many parts of your life where you may need to assert yourself?
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Originally Posted by Bravesrule384
@ srjth - at this point in my life, I'd like to put a gun to my head then I wouldn't have to worry about, someone liking me (or not) liking me.
Wouldn't have to worry about that, at all.
I think you need help too. Please try to speak to someone, hopefully a professional, about this. You have a lot to live for.
I never understand how someone's fear of rejection can be greater than their desire for someone. To me, if their fear of rejection overrides their desire for the person, then they don't want that person bad enough.
There's this old saying that goes something like ''Humans will do more to avoid pain than they will to gain pleasure''.
I have heard of this. I guess I don't understand it. Social anxiety and the like. My question is, doesn't this effect you adversely in many parts of your life where you may need to assert yourself?
I think you need help too. Please try to speak to someone, hopefully a professional, about this. You have a lot to live for.
@ srjth - actually, no I don't. I wished I did tho however.......there are quite a few things that make me tired of living, anymore. Not just about my life, in general but in today's society as a whole. The lack of compassion, is a real biggie.
It could be a self-esteem issue along with anxiety. You want to be with this guy or girl, but don't think you're worth their time or doubt they're into you.
It's as simple as the benefits not outweighing the costs. Some people are just way too sensitive and don't bounce back like others do when it comes to relationships. Which is fine. Let's keep it real, many relationships don't last and many don't always end well. Many people have been destroyed by it, while others may have gained a lot from it.
Some people may see it as pointless if it doesn't last forever, and sometimes the heartache is way too much to bear. So it's not always about fear, humans have adapted to learn to avoid what causes them great pain. Some people are just wired differently. We also like to preach about how wonderful love is between two people and it is for a time. However if we're realistic people are not perfect and screw up A LOT. Sometimes in devastating ways. Some people may have seen that and decided they don't want to risk it.
There are people who love once and that is it, there are others who love many and continue to fall in love, and there are those who don't at all. There is nothing wrong with either scenario. I don't think any of us are in place to judge how people choose to go about as they are not our lives or our feelings.
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