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I have been married 37 years. The first few years were fun.
Three years into it, my Dw was injured. From that injury, she decided that she is going to be celibate. From that year on, it has gotten worse. Her health has been deteriorating. She smokes and she has had five heart attacks, each time required a week in the cardiac ward. Each time, we thought we were going to lose her. So I have been in the 'funeral planning' mode, thinking that I was going to be a widow, many times.
This summer she broke her leg and was in a wheelchair for 3 months. Then we found a blood clot in her leg as a result of the bone surgery. The clot starts in her groin and extends down past the knee. She is on two blood thinners, I am half expecting these thinners to cause a stroke.
I vowed to stay with her through health and through sickness, but this is dragging on and on here.
I did not get married so I could be celibate.
Would I marry again? I do not know.
If I do become a widow, first thing I am doing is asking some girl for a date. See if I can find a 'friend with benefits'.
Nope, I don't think so. I think I stand a good chance of outliving my husband but for a number of reasons would not want to re-marry again. Suddenly being alone would take some adaption but, by nature, I'm a loner, anyway. My husband and I have been together for 35 years now and we have been through a lot, and some periods have taken extra work to keep it going. I don't want to work hard on another relationship.
I was living as married (considered myself married in all ways but legal, and that was only really because of the taxes at the time) for the first 10 years I was with my ex, and we had two kids early on in that. We married because he wanted it so badly and was going back into the military and he seemed to have found a whole new inspiration for living, a sense of purpose that had him fired up, at that time...so I felt that, "OK well, maybe he'll be a good husband now, maybe this is what he needed. I will give him what he wants, though I don't see how making it official really matters to what is already in our hearts and minds..." And I married him. Came to find out later, that in fact you really kinda do need to get legally married if the military is involved, for a bunch of logistical and benefits reasons, but I didn't know that when I made the decision to do it.
And, as is his way, within months of achieving the goal of getting back into the military, he was looking for a next "thing" to make him happy, and was hateful of everything he had. I should have known it would not really make him a different man, but I was young.
So we were together 18 years, age 18-36 for me. Eventually when he got out of the Army, as many here know since I've talked about it a lot, he went nuts, violent, terrorizing the family, so we parted ways. I consider our relationship time span to be from when we became a committed couple in 1997 to when we broke up in 2015, rather than when we legally married to when we legally divorced, which were both nothing but bureaucratic hassles, honestly.
When I got free of that, I did not expect to ever marry again. I wasn't sure if I even wanted a committed or monogamous relationship again, or to live with a partner again. And in truth, I would not have done any of those things with just anyone. My boyfriend is not a typical man in a whole lot of ways. He does not impose on me much. We have separate bedrooms and probably always will. He doesn't control me, he doesn't demand we are attached at the hip, we don't combine finances and may never do so. He doesn't make messes I have to clean up, and he does not make me feel any of the myriad of negative things my ex always did. He's just loving and giving and supportive and fun, he is an enhancement to my life and not an emotional burden for me to bear. We will probably get married, though maybe not for 2-3 more years. I want to close the chapter on raising my sons, before I remarry.
And really it's not a big deal one way or the other, just like it wasn't to me before when I married my ex. Unmarried does not, to me, mean uncommitted. It's just that I think it's a good idea for our future finances and insurance and such, and this time I actually feel I would like to celebrate this love and this relationship (a thing I didn't feel one little bit with the ex.) But if we got near that point and he said he really didn't feel ok doing it, but wanted to stay together without legally marrying, I wouldn't be upset. It isn't required.
Awwww, Good for you Sonic. You are a very logical and grounded person. I really admire that
One of my big concerns is caregiving. DH and I were together almost 20 years and only the last few months were really bad, but he'd been deteriorating over the previous 5 years or so. I took over things like mowing the lawn, and when he forgot to pay the car registration renewal and *I* got stopped, I took that over (had always paid the rest of the bills myself). If he ran out of a prescription I was the one who had to scramble and run out and refill it. Then he started getting confused about whether the green pill sitting out on the desk was the one he was supposed to take today or yesterday. So I started parceling out his prescriptions.
He was sweet and mellow to the end and I'm profoundly grateful I was there for him after he'd taken care of people so many times in his life. He died peacefully at home, which is what we both hoped would happen.
Now, to be realistic, I could be the one needing that type of care and maybe without marriage I won't have a Significant Other there for me- but I'm not sure I want to risk marrying and watching someone die again, maybe this time after a slow deterioration due to something really ugly. At age 65, it could happen sooner rather than later in the relationship.
I might remarry if the right guy came along, but it’s a really high bar left by my husband if he therorericslly passed away, not to mention it would take a very special person to take on half a dozen minor kids. So I figure the single life would be for me. Legally I’d want to protect my kids and assets so that could be complicated too.
I hate to say this but I think my answer here is NO.
I am divorced (married VERY young at 21). I actually had a great marriage while it lasted, but we were very young and it's my opinion that we outgrew each-other. Or maybe a more accurate statement is that I outgrew him.
But now, fast forward 10 years I have experienced so much betrayal and dishonesty from the men I have cared about that I don't think I ever want to get married again. I met a man almost a year and a half ago. This man changed my mind about marriage, about children, about everything. This was the man I wanted marry and spend the rest of my life with. But in that year and a half he has betrayed me more times and more deeply than anyone ever has in my entire life.
I found out well into the relationship that he was (is) still married and eventually decided to make it work after he filed for divorce. But he's recently been dishonest with me yet again and while I feel I'm on the foolish verge of forgiving him again, even if there is some miracle we work things out, I don't think I see marriage as an option. Ever.
Probably not but maybe. I like having him around and it’s mostly smooth sailing. However, several of my single friends struggle to find solid and reliable men in our community. I didn’t marry till I was middle aged.
I’m still happily independent. If a future man came along who wanted to chop firewood, mow the yard, clean up after himself and be a non-snoring sleeping partner, then I’d be fine with it. Low key companionship is nice. Marriage might not be ideal, though.
I’m sure I’d be perfectly happy being single and unencumbered. Wouldn’t want to lose this one anytime soon and I’m not planning to replace him.
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I hate to say this...
that I would never marry again.
