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I wanted to post incog for this because its very shameful and embarrassing but I'm still not able to do it. Maybe fonts aren't allowed to post anonymously here.
This late October, a guy and I started dating. He was my very first boyfriend and very first relationship. We met at age 19 in 2017 but didn't get serious until now at age 20. He admitted to liking me for a very long time since we met in the beginning but I never believed him at the time because of my low my self-esteem and body-image.
Fast forward to now, we broke up. He's actually the one that initiated it by saying he feels I deserve better and he's not the one for me anymore. All of this was said last night and I cried for the entire night. I don't think I've ever cried so heavily like this before. Throughout our relationship(very short one, embarrassing), I would CONSTANTLY put myself down, thinking I was too ugly to be with him, because I hate how I look. Anytime he'd call me hot, beautiful, sexy, doll, I'd cringe and always accused him of lying. This was an everyday thing. I'd even flake going on dates with him because I felt too insecure to dress up and I felt I would embarrass him while were out. I would always ask him how can such an attractive, outgoing guy like him find an awkward unattractive young woman like me so special, when there other more attractive girls that aren't self-loathing.
Before he asked me to be his girlfriend, I asked him if he could be able to handle my insecurities because they're too much to handle. Perhaps that's why he wanted to break up because they definitely become much harder to deal with after a while. He still insists on being friends and its going to be hard for me to "just be friends" with a guy I'm romantically, sexually, and emotionally attracted to. If he gets another girlfriend, I don't know how I can stomach it. Not because I'm overly jealous but because I feel like no other guy will ever like me like he did. He definitely has more dating options than I do. I'm invisible to most guys my age and not conventionally attractive. I have a weird young doll face (wide eyes, button nose, plump full lips, and cheeks), slim/athletic (not curvy), and I'm too awkward and weird for a guy to truly ever like or love me.
You've attracted this desirable guy in the first place, so you look better than you think and it's all in your head.
Go for a less attractive guy next time and see how that goes.
did you follow the suggestions people gave you back in september? You obviously didn't follow your own decision about swearing off dating.
You got similar advice in your first thread (which was locked) as you are getting again here. Will you actually take some of the advice, or can we expect a third thread in three more months?
I've tried therapy before and one of the reasons I stopped going is because I always felt like they would sugar-coat and tell me things I wanted to hear. I want a therapist that's going to be direct & honest and just tell me I'm genuinely ugly to ever experience true love.
We could do that here, but I think warnings or some junk are given out for that. Not sure, because I ignore them, but I know I’ve shaken up some rudderless posters in need of real advice.
OP take a step back and breath. Definitely find a therapist that specializes in body dysmorphic disorder. You need help desperately if you feel this way.
I don't think I have BDD. I absolutely hated hearing that from one previous therapist in the past. I have to deal with guys and girls my age constantly staring me down to the point where I feel uncomfortable. With girls my age, maybe they're silently competing with me & with guys, they should've been taught to not stare at girls for a long time without saying anything.
I don't think I have BDD. I absolutely hated hearing that from one previous therapist in the past. I have to deal with guys and girls my age constantly staring me down to the point where I feel uncomfortable. With girls my age, maybe they're silently competing with me & with guys, they should've been taught to not stare at girls for a long time without saying anything.
I don't think I have BDD. I absolutely hated hearing that from one previous therapist in the past. I have to deal with guys and girls my age constantly staring me down to the point where I feel uncomfortable. With girls my age, maybe they're silently competing with me & with guys, they should've been taught to not stare at girls for a long time without saying anything.
And a good therapist will teach you ways to cope with your uncomfortable feelings of inadequacy and to face your fears. No therapist in the world is going to pat you on the head and say, "yes, you're right. You are too hideous to be loved."
I don't think I have BDD. I absolutely hated hearing that from one previous therapist in the past. I have to deal with guys and girls my age constantly staring me down to the point where I feel uncomfortable. With girls my age, maybe they're silently competing with me & with guys, they should've been taught to not stare at girls for a long time without saying anything.
It's in your mind
If you just said you do not feel you are good-looking/ have negative attributes, why would you think they (other girls) would even "consider you as competition"
If you just said you do not feel you are good-looking/ have negative attributes, why would you think they (other girls) would even "consider you as competition"
Its just the way certain girls would look at me. Like they're analyzing my outfit, face, and hair. Its not like they're smiling or being friendly. That's one of the reasons why I feel unattractive.
Its just the way certain girls would look at me. Like they're analyzing my outfit, face, and hair. Its not like they're smiling or being friendly. That's one of the reasons why I feel unattractive.
Erm, honey...females DO this. It's not just happening to you.
You have a persecution complex as well as the issues I listed upthread.
Erm, honey...females DO this. It's not just happening to you.
You have a persecution complex as well as the issues I listed upthread.
Well, they need to stop doing this because it makes me feel I'm self-conscious about my looks. I just came back from christmas shopping at Target/shopping mall and so many different girls were glaring at me with a blank facial expression. I even asked my friend if something was wrong with my appearance and he said no.
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