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I just wanted to probe your guys' minds about a particular issue of mine I am having with my current boyfriend...
so the issue goes like this: my boyfriend has this friend of his that prior to our relationship he would receive a fair amount of nudes from (that he would accept happily and well… ya know), and would basically drool and obsess every waking minute over his existence in her life.
How recent were those nudes sent compared to when were a thing you may wonder? March of that year and we started dating September of that year…
How exactly did she basically profess her obsession/love for him you may wonder? Her social media accounts would never fall short of calling him “bestie/best friend” with heart emojis at the very least and sometimes the explicit phrase, “I love you” at times… all of these posts which he acknowledged and knew full well about…
He initially told me that he received nudes from her but that was all I initially heard of her. Later on after I did some of my own digging, I saw that it was far more than just nudes that were exchanged and that they would talk endlessly, sometimes quite late till the time he’d go to sleep, blah, blah, blah and that is when I found the numerous posts of him on her Facebook. Upon asking him about her, he would state that they weren’t much of anything (and acted like their friendship didn’t mean much to him), yet when I confronted him about the many posts she tagged him in, he acted shocked (even though he liked just about every one that mentioned him). This was my red flag and when I became uncomfortable about them ever hanging out… (like he pretended to be unaware of the posts, even though he knew about them)
I expressed this concern of mine to his, and he felt that there was no worry with their friendship (that he claimed wasn’t even that much) and that I didn’t have a thing to worry with.
My dilemma is this, whilst she may not be sending him nudes anymore since the relationship began and he told her not to send such content, I am still nonetheless uncomfortable at the idea of them hanging out when I consider the idea that he got off to photos of her…
On one hand (hehe) I wouldn't be too worried about his using her pictures for release ... we are surrounded by unlimited free and easy access to images and clips. Is this much different than say going to a party with a SO and an ex of his or hers is there too ? We men are visual creatures and can easily separate/compartmentalize physical need/drive from feelings.
On the other hand, I can guaran-damn-tee you that if he tells you he deleted these pictures, that he has, but only on his mobile device, after backing them up to the cloud or other external storage.
I just wanted to probe your guys' minds about a particular issue of mine I am having with my current boyfriend...
so the issue goes like this: my boyfriend has this friend of his that prior to our relationship he would receive a fair amount of nudes from (that he would accept happily and well… ya know), and would basically drool and obsess every waking minute over his existence in her life.
How recent were those nudes sent compared to when were a thing you may wonder? March of that year and we started dating September of that year…
How exactly did she basically profess her obsession/love for him you may wonder? Her social media accounts would never fall short of calling him “bestie/best friend” with heart emojis at the very least and sometimes the explicit phrase, “I love you” at times… all of these posts which he acknowledged and knew full well about…
He initially told me that he received nudes from her but that was all I initially heard of her. Later on after I did some of my own digging, I saw that it was far more than just nudes that were exchanged and that they would talk endlessly, sometimes quite late till the time he’d go to sleep, blah, blah, blah and that is when I found the numerous posts of him on her Facebook. Upon asking him about her, he would state that they weren’t much of anything (and acted like their friendship didn’t mean much to him), yet when I confronted him about the many posts she tagged him in, he acted shocked (even though he liked just about every one that mentioned him). This was my red flag and when I became uncomfortable about them ever hanging out… (like he pretended to be unaware of the posts, even though he knew about them)
I expressed this concern of mine to his, and he felt that there was no worry with their friendship (that he claimed wasn’t even that much) and that I didn’t have a thing to worry with.
My dilemma is this, whilst she may not be sending him nudes anymore since the relationship began and he told her not to send such content, I am still nonetheless uncomfortable at the idea of them hanging out when I consider the idea that he got off to photos of her…
Thoughts?
You are right to feel uncomfortable. I would ask him not to hang out with her, too much potential for it to go south
Dump this relationship.The fact that your mind will forever be thinking about this is enough to end it and find someone who was never in this predicament to begin with.
On one hand (hehe) I wouldn't be too worried about his using her pictures for release ... we are surrounded by unlimited free and easy access to images and clips. Is this much different than say going to a party with a SO and an ex of his or hers is there too ? We men are visual creatures and can easily separate/compartmentalize physical need/drive from feelings.
On the other hand, I can guaran-damn-tee you that if he tells you he deleted these pictures, that he has, but only on his mobile device, after backing them up to the cloud or other external storage.
for me, it is different than running into your s.o.'s ex at a party while with them, because it is not a one-on-one outing. for example, they were almost going to go to the movies together, something she clearly treats as a date thing, until I voiced my concerns with doing something like that, especially with a women you literally had a solely sexual relationship with.
as for the photos still existing or not, they may or may not still be on his phone, but the idea that he's so desperate to keep her around is very irksome, at the very least.
So they are hanging out? How often, and what do they do?
Why did he not date her?
How old are you two?
they had hung out a bit and then the most recent time since then was this year January when he snuck over to her house to give her his hoodie that she adored and then told me about that in hindsight. since January, that I know of, I don't believe they have hung out.
as to why he hasn't dated her.... he claims for a couple reason that a). he thinks she's too fat (odd since that is what he also liked... ) and b). she is a hoe and he doesn't wanna date a hoe (ironic)
You are right to feel uncomfortable. I would ask him not to hang out with her, too much potential for it to go south
that is how I honestly feel, a one-on-one outing just the two of them, especially doing something like a movie night, makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
This guy is stupid. I’d know why he would even mention getting nude pics from a woman friend.
I had inquired about his past when we were both finding out about each other, and he began that they were only innocent friends that didn't even have much of a friendship, then he spilled that she had shown him her nudes and it kinda lead from there (though it was clear they had more than just some "casual" friendship)
he adores her attention as much as she endlessly gave it, from what it seems like at least, and for some inexplicable reason still craves even though he's in a committed relationship...
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) and b). she is a hoe and he doesn't wanna date a hoe (ironic)
