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I dunno. I do think there is an air of fragility or insecurity in the "Oh well, can't blame a guy for tryin'" flavored closing statement. But as a woman, I've gotten so used to guys and how they try to express interest that in fact, no, I don't hold things like this against them. He asked, he got a no, as long as he took that no and didn't throw a fit about it, I can deal.
I do try to have some compassion for every human who struggles to try and get their needs met in this world. I recognize that I'm lucky to be neurotypical and able to easily navigate social interactions. I understand it's not as easy for everyone, and that for some it's a long hard road of trying and failing, and not wanting to be seen as a jerk just because they're trying to get a date. And really, the moment when you take your shot and it's a miss...it's gonna be a little awkward. What is one supposed to do with that, anyhow?
So really any guy who can take the no, shrug his shoulders, and move on with life...well whatever. I wish him luck. Life can be tough, I get it. In a world of unsolicited python pictures and sour grapes, "TBH you aren't attractive anyways" type messages when women decline men's interest, I think that what ThisTown said was pretty mild. Coulda been a bit more graceful but it wasn't as bad as all that.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,957,550 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
Coulda been a bit more graceful but it wasn't as bad as all that.
It wasn't 'bad' but what was the point? It didn't add anything. It wasn't classy. It was just like " oh. oh welllll "
Just say "ok" and keep it cool.
I'm kinda wondering how often people are getting rejected too if they're putting so much thought into this. Hopefully people would know how to communicate as adults where by the time you've asked them out you know its going to happen. If not immediately (due to circumstance or schedules) but at some point. If I got a flat out "thanks, but no thank you" I'd feel pretty stunned and be like, how the bleep did I read that so wrong?
I dunno. I do think there is an air of fragility or insecurity in the "Oh well, can't blame a guy for tryin'" flavored closing statement. But as a woman, I've gotten so used to guys and how they try to express interest that in fact, no, I don't hold things like this against them. He asked, he got a no, as long as he took that no and didn't throw a fit about it, I can deal.
I do try to have some compassion for every human who struggles to try and get their needs met in this world. I recognize that I'm lucky to be neurotypical and able to easily navigate social interactions. I understand it's not as easy for everyone, and that for some it's a long hard road of trying and failing, and not wanting to be seen as a jerk just because they're trying to get a date. And really, the moment when you take your shot and it's a miss...it's gonna be a little awkward. What is one supposed to do with that, anyhow?
So really any guy who can take the no, shrug his shoulders, and move on with life...well whatever. I wish him luck. Life can be tough, I get it. In a world of unsolicited python pictures and sour grapes, "TBH you aren't attractive anyways" type messages when women decline men's interest, I think that what ThisTown said was pretty mild. Coulda been a bit more graceful but it wasn't as bad as all that.
To be frank, in the italics, I rarely do actually express my thought process, but for some reason...I felt the desire to, it was actually quite liberating to open up about it. I felt there was some kind of cool factor to it since it felt as such.
Quote:
He asked, he got a no, as long as he took that no and didn't throw a fit about it, I can deal.
It wasn't 'bad' but what was the point? It didn't add anything. It wasn't classy. It was just like " oh. oh welllll "
Just say "ok" and keep it cool.
I'm kinda wondering how often people are getting rejected too if they're putting so much thought into this. Hopefully people would know how to communicate as adults where by the time you've asked them out you know its going to happen. If not immediately (due to circumstance or schedules) but at some point. If I got a flat out "thanks, but no thank you" I'd feel pretty stunned and be like, how the bleep did I read that so wrong?
That's just it, timberline. They are getting rejected a LOT. And not only by women they are asking, a lot of time they overthink it before they try, and reject themselves in their minds without even asking. But then everyone tells them, "Every shot you don't take is a guaranteed miss" and as the years go by and they continue to be alone, they eventually start trying harder. Many people do not read other people easily. Some are really good at it, some are really bad at it, most are somewhere in between. For those who struggle with this, it can be a matter of wiring, personality, or even an actual disorder (spectrum disorders often cause difficulty in understanding other people's social behavior, and this can lead to this overthinking and constant analyzing--what we do by feel, they have to try and do with logic.)
I am not making excuses for anyone, but I've known enough people who seem to really have a hard time with things that I do not have a hard time with, I've got to be grateful for having it easy in some regards... We have seen enough cases of it here, it's easy to recognize. Some of these guys...to me it's obvious, they are not bad people. There's a lot of pain there. They're doing their best to handle it and not give up hope, and not become bitter or angry about it. I can only encourage these efforts, knowing how far it can go down a really dark road when a person tries and fails enough times. Compassion costs me nothing, and it's kinder than contempt. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. *shrug*
Anecdote: I met a young woman from NYC years ago in a European city. I asked her out for the evening, to check out the night life of a great city. She agreed. When I picked her up, I tried to put my arm around her. She immediately stepped away and told me going out didn't buy me any privileges. I told her I invited her out because she was an attractive woman, and if she didn't want to act like a woman the evening was over. I spent the night socializing with a bunch of guys who bought their own drinks.
There's no reason to let yourself be exploited. Your wants and needs are as important as hers. If that's not OK with her, find a different woman.
Eww... I didn't even read this part of the post, until someone quoted it. This is creepy. Why would you put your arm around a stranger? Because she's attractive? What does that have to do with it? Does the fact that she's attractive give you the right to her body? That's what your action and words imply. Ughhhhhh. You don't even know her, but you're getting physical already? No. You were out of line. There are boundary issues involved, that you failed to observe.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 12-11-2018 at 11:14 AM..
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
That's just it, timberline. They are getting rejected a LOT. And not only by women they are asking, a lot of time they overthink it before they try, and reject themselves in their minds without even asking. But then everyone tells them, "Every shot you don't take is a guaranteed miss" and as the years go by and they continue to be alone, they eventually start trying harder. Many people do not read other people easily. Some are really good at it, some are really bad at it, most are somewhere in between. For those who struggle with this, it can be a matter of wiring, personality, or even an actual disorder (spectrum disorders often cause difficulty in understanding other people's social behavior, and this can lead to this overthinking and constant analyzing--what we do by feel, they have to try and do with logic.)
I am not making excuses for anyone, but I've known enough people who seem to really have a hard time with things that I do not have a hard time with, I've got to be grateful for having it easy in some regards... We have seen enough cases of it here, it's easy to recognize. Some of these guys...to me it's obvious, they are not bad people. There's a lot of pain there. They're doing their best to handle it and not give up hope, and not become bitter or angry about it. I can only encourage these efforts, knowing how far it can go down a really dark road when a person tries and fails enough times. Compassion costs me nothing, and it's kinder than contempt. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. *shrug*
I have a bunch of thoughts on that, esp re the spectrum stuff/lifestyle, but probably off topic so I'll keep it off of here.
I'd be depressed if I misread things consistently where outright rejection was commonplace. I have had conversations fade off, and sometimes receive look warm yesses and things didn't materialize, or they took awhile to actually happen (as in a year ago I met a woman out with a friend at a bar, we flirted and "it" was there, asked her out later that week, she was indecisive.... 4-5 months later she booty calls me, we've gone out a few times since, but nothing serious... too bad, she has a killer body and is cool as ___). But to receive outright "not thanks" or "not interested"? Yeesh. Something is off.
I have a bunch of thoughts on that, esp re the spectrum stuff/lifestyle, but probably off topic so I'll keep it off of here.
I'd be depressed if I misread things consistently where outright rejection was commonplace. I have had conversations fade off, and sometimes receive look warm yesses and things didn't materialize, or they took awhile to actually happen (as in a year ago I met a woman out with a friend at a bar, we flirted and "it" was there, asked her out later that week, she was indecisive.... 4-5 months later she booty calls me, we've gone out a few times since, but nothing serious... too bad, she has a killer body and is cool as ___). But to receive outright "not thanks" or "not interested"? Yeesh. Something is off.
Believe you me, most of my responses were wishy-washy interest/ indecisive to out right flaky behavior.
I know of some women that admitted to giving a guy his # and when he'd call and leave a vm, they purposely would not respond to see how many times he tries again. I think after 3 times, they actually pick up the phone.
A male friend of mine I know would call a woman, but would stop after one try. When he told some female friends this, they said "You give up too easily"
So apparently, if there's no firm "No", it's still a green or yellow light.
Give up too easily?
That's some high school crap.
If they don't say yes, move on.
Man, some of y'all love drama and games.
Yeah, I avoid it as soon as I get a hint of it. And these people are in their 30s and 40s. The game playing continues.
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