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Yeah...I don't think that men can really have bad sex, maybe just okay, but not bad...but women sure can...which explains at least some of the incompatibility.
I'm a man and let me offer this suggestion:
From a man's point of view: sex is bad if it isn't any better than masturbation.
Sex has to be better than masturbation to make it worth dealing with another person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
Sexual incompatibility has almost nothing to do with positions or the physical act, and definitely nothing to do with when you “empty your tank.”
It’s mental, and if the connection ain’t there you cannot fake it.
That's me too. There has to be something more than having appropriately matching interface connectors and running the same protocol.
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12
The quality of sex can be poor if a man does not make love, but instead just uses the woman as a receptacle.
It works both ways. My worst time, the woman didn't understand that some active participation was required on her part.
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
I'm a guy. The notion that a man can't have bad sex leads to, well, bad sex for men. Men typically get off, but when the woman being there adds nothing to the enjoyment, or perhaps detracts from it, it's bad sex. I'd rather take care of myself.
Orgasms are mostly easy for guys, true. Good sex is a lot more than an orgasm, though, and I've had good sex where I didn't get off.
There has to be an emotional component in sex for me to enjoy it, or as I said above, enjoy it more than solitude.
I am a little bit confused about this. 30 years have been passed already and now the women complaining about sexuality. How did they pass the 30 years altogether?
For me, bad sex can be caused by many things. Sex that is overly informed by pornography (this is something that I've noticed more in the past decade. Just because the ladies in the porno flick seem to enjoy certain things during sex doesn't mean that they'll work for me--especially the whole "fishhooking" thing.)
Men who are offended by gentle guidance. Once again, just because something "did it" for your last partner doesn't mean that I'll enjoy it (not that there's any harm in introducing me to something different--just don't get bent out of shape if I'm not into it.) Allow me to show you what works for my body (and understand that the "goalposts" might move a bit over the course of the month due to normal hormonal shifts) and you'll most certainly be repaid in kind.
Men who take it personally if a woman "helps herself along" during sex. One man told me that he found it to be emasculating when women do so. WTH.
Men who don't reciprocate (ahem).
Good to great to fantastic sex for me is when things simply flow. This usually happens for me when there is trust and good communication (this need not be verbal) with a confident, considerate lover. If I feel protected and cherished as a female, there are very few boundaries with the right partner.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 12-16-2018 at 11:13 PM..
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC
I heard a comedian once say what in the world is bad sex? I really don't get it. Like if while you're having sex a cinder block falls on your head while you're making out, that's bad sex. Otherwise ... ?
There is lots of bad sex out there. And loads of horrible lovers, and others that are mismatched.
Heck, there have been PLENTY of times where I thought after it wasn't worth getting undressed for. Often it was due to lack of sexual chemistry or lack of sexual incompatibility, but sometimes it was straight up because they were flat out not sensual people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
I was at a party a while ago where one guy parroted that old joke about "bad sex is like bad pizza--even when it's bad it's still pretty good," and most of the women there were like, "yeah...no, dude."
Bad pizza isn't worth eating. It's not worth the carbs or the calories and is usually pretty gross. So, its like bad sex. It isn't worth doing.
The whole sex is like pizza thing is part of the simple minded trope we like to believe about men. Guys as much or more than women because being thought of as simple lets us off the hook a lot, although in my experience some typically bright women still like to think of men as pretty unevolved and easy to please. Pity. I've said this before, but the idea that men are like relatively smart dogs, who kept well fed and allowed to hump your leg once in a while, we're happy, exalts us all, each and every one.
From my perspective (26 yo guy) you don't need an emotional connection with someone to have great sex, but it definitely helps. The best sex I've had was with someone I was attracted to, comfortable with, and had good communication with. Also definitely helps if you're enthusiastic and willing to try things, so I'd say specific preference play into it a lot.
I'd hope most long term relationships have pretty good sex once you figure out what each other likes, seems like most of the complaints I see on here are about one partner having almost no sex drive after many years.
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