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Hello, friends. I'm a new poster in an all too familiar situation and I would welcome your input.
* After 10+ years of interacting with someone online, we've expanded to regular text message exchanges, occasional phone calls and even more occasional visits. When I travelled to her city a while back, she was kind enough to meet me at the airport and drive us around. We spent the day together, went to an exhibition, shared lunch and had a very pleasant time.
* Since then we have remained in contact and she knows she's very welcome to stay with me if and when she comes to my town. Movies, chocolate factory tours, theatre shows and conventions have all been flagged as potential activities for us to enjoy.
* Over the last few months, we have begun to confide in each other about various things going on in our lives. I never saw this coming, but it's as nice as it is welcome. It's new for me to trust and feel close to someone, and to have those things reciprocated.
*Many of you will guess I'm going with this and I dearly wish it wasn't the case. An attraction, even if mutual, wouldn't be any use to either of us and would complicate if not ruin a simple yet very valuable friendship. I like things the way they are between us but can sense my heart and mind are about to square off. Help!
Anything between us romantically would be temporary, if it happened at all. As friends we're rock solid and have been for more than a decade. I would rather have her in my life that way than risk frightening her off.
I'd like to get over this and put it behind me so we can continue to be friends. We're far better for each other that way.
That sentence in bold above is telling. ^
IMO, it's saying that whatever romantic feelings you might have for her, in the long run, you know enough about each other to be aware that a relationship wouldn't last between you both, and in the end your friendship (which you DO value) would crash and burn as a result of the failed romance.
I would make the same choice if she were to express any romantic interest in me. For many people it's the road less travelled, but also the right thing to do. They say you can count your true friends on one hand in this life, and I'm thankful to have her among them.
I would make the same choice if she were to express any romantic interest in me. For many people it's the road less travelled, but also the right thing to do. They say you can count your true friends on one hand in this life, and I'm thankful to have her among them.
I think you are very wise. A lot of us men make the mistake in thinking it is okay to pursue a romance with someone we have been friends with for a long time. Romance would do a lot of harm to friendship if it doesn't work out for a lot of people. Do everything you can to get over your romantic feelings.
Anything between us romantically would be temporary, if it happened at all. As friends we're rock solid and have been for more than a decade. I would rather have her in my life that way than risk frightening her off.
Anything romantic is fraught with the possibility of having some friendship destroyers, complications of your romantic relationship that could lead to ending your friendship altogether. You are describing your friend as a top 10 friend.
Any way I look at this I see a silly way to risk a good friendship for a few moments of carnal pleasure.
I think you should end any romantic thoughts and go fishing in a different pond.
This is a tough one. It's hard to turn off those feelings when they start. You almost have to go through a heartbreak to cauterize the feelings. Good luck.
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