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If you are doubting this guy this much it’s not a wonder he’s worried your constantly looking elsewhere and having feelings of future dread towards you.
I can’t pretend to know everything going on in this situation to make some almighty determination of judgement for you, but I can say that if you’re doubting things often enough that you have to ask this type of question you’re in no position to making these types of choices right now.
I tried talking to him. I explained I’m anxious about his finances if we live together. I asked him where he stood now and he said he was current with his bills. I asked how much was owed on his cards and he didn’t tell me the real amount totally. He said a few hundred on each of his 2 cards but I know that it’s 600 (due next week plus another few hundred in current charges)on one and 390 on the other for a total of $1200.
I told him I know he’s anxious about how my daughter feels about him and I would talk to her so we can get together on holiday.
Before he left he said you know there’s an expiration date for us to live together and marry since we are getting close to 70. I’m 61 and he is 66. Reality is I’ve waited over 5 years for him to get his finances in order so we can live together.
Do I give up?
Last edited by Uncertaintyforfuture; 12-24-2018 at 12:22 AM..
I also learned that he voluntarily went to work a few hours later since he preferred to do that the morning after he spent the night with me during the week. So he didn’t get paid for those hours who does that when money is tight to begin with??
I tried talking to him. I explained I’m anxious about his finances if we live together. I asked him where he stood now and he said he was current with his bills. I asked how much was owed on his cards and he didn’t tell me the real amount totally. He said a few hundred on each of his 2 cards but I know that it’s 600 (due next week plus another few hundred in current charges)on one and 390 on the other for a total of $1200.
I told him I know he’s anxious about how my daughter feels about him and I would talk to her so we can get together on holiday.
Before he left he said you know there’s an expiration date for us to live together and marry since we are getting close to 70. I’m 61 and he is 66. Reality is I’ve waited over 5 years for him to get his finances in order so we can live together.
Do I give up?
Keep him in his own house/place; you keep yours. Do. Not. Marry. This. Man. Period. After five years, I seriously doubt if this man will cut you loose. My guess is that he'll just keep lobbying for marriage/shacking up for as long as you'll continue to put up with his constant nagging.
He is dishonest with you and is pushing you to do something that you do not wish to do. There is no "expiration date" to marry or co-habitate--at least until one or both of you actually "expire," i.e., die. If you will not trust your instincts, trust those of your daughter. (Your boyfriend *should* be anxious as a woman's intuition is a powerful thing even if you seem unable to trust your own gut feelings.)
The fact that you've waited five years for this man to get his act together tells me more about you and your mindset than it does about him. Stop wasting time with a man who is unlikely to change.
Keep him in his own house/place; you keep yours. Do. Not. Marry. This. Man. Period.
This. My first marriage was to a guy who was financially irresponsible and it was a disaster on many fronts. You can keep the finances separate but when an emergency comes up YOU are the "emergency fund" because he doesn't have any money. And if the relationship sours, how are you going to get him out?
As for being "current" on bills- it sounds like "current", to him, means he's been making minimum payments on time. I wouldn't be surprised if the actual amount he owes is pretty ugly and he may not have added it up himself.
I'm 65, financially secure, and VERY wary of financial entanglements with men at this point. Friendship, doing things together, being there for each other- fine. Cohabitation- very unlikely unless he's as loaded as I am and we're really crazy about each other. Marriage- 99 and 4/100% chance I'll be single the rest of my life and I'm fine with that.
Given your ages I would not recommend marriage to this man. It could impact your financial future as he is old enough to be retired and not earn more to pay off his debts. Once married you can be held responsible for his debts (depends on the state).
I'm guessing your daughter is probably more concerned with your financial future as you are also probably close to retirement.
Is his financial situation the primary reason for your reluctance or are there other reasons? If it's primarily finances, move him in if you want to do so, but keep the finances separate.
My bf bought some holiday gifts because I told him last month I thought we could have dinner and do gifts. But I told my bf he shouldn’t buy gifts for my kids and is put his name with mine on their gifts since he did the same for the gifts he gave his kids.
As it turns out my daughter wasn’t acting herself when she arrived for the holiday and when I tried to let her know that my bf may be coming over she wanted no part of it. I told him not to come over because I didn’t want a confrontation.
He was very hurt understandably and told me next time he should come over anyway and if she wanted to stay in her room so be it.
Since I only see her a few times a year how do I get her to at least tolerate him?
Why does she have to tolerate someone/anyone? Keep them apart.
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