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While there's much truth in this I rarely ever come across a single woman, whereas single men are seemingly everywhere. Once women get older and reach more widow age (men on average die younger) women adapt better than men probably typically do to losing a spouse and grow used to being alone. That's more where men want to go out and find someone else. Often the same post-divorce although it varies as the guy might go all MGTOW.
In younger age groups though women nearly always have a boyfriend. I work in a large office and an unmarried woman without a steady boyfriend is very rare. There's a ton of single guys though.
You realize the bolded is nonsensical, don't you? And women in younger age groups do not "almost always have a boyfriend". There are a lot of women who almost never have a boyfriend, even though they'd like to. Even in places like Seattle and Silocon Valley, women can't seem to get the attention of the men around them. Recently a niece of mine gave up, and went to grad school.
As for offices, you must be working in different offices than I and my friends do; all the women in the offices of the university jobs I've worked have been single and available. My world has always been full of single women, who seem to be below the radar of all the single men you say are out there.
I left a relationship of living with my SO. I thought it best to go no contact. That didn’t end up working though either, I really do like him, I just can’t stand living with anyone! I don’t enjoy a lot of social activities. I can be alone forever without feeling “lonely”, so I do picture myself as a lone wolf. I enjoy going for long walks, long drives, listening to my music, painting and creating, reading for hours uninterrupted: solitary things.
I have one or 2 good friends, one from high school, we’ve kept in touch for 30 years, we’re very similar. I’ll go out to an event or dinner with one of them when I’m bored or they really want to get together. We’ll make plans for a concert or event, always something to look forward to, but not every week. They would probably consider themselves loners, too. We like it like that.
My ex and I have worked out what would seem to others as a strange relationship, he’s a loner as well, except he has family everywhere dropping in on him, I don’t like that. I’m happy I get to say that, without feeling guilty anymore. We say things like: “You should come here, but not for more than the day.” or “Next time don’t talk so much”...and then laugh at that. We text all of the time, just to share thoughts.
I like quiet.
My point is, there are plenty of Loner Women who like to have a “romantic partner”, a true loner by definition, isn’t going to want him in her space and expecting her to follow a schedule though. They find a successful relationship on their own terms, where they can still have all the alone time they need. (or they don’t, and there’s no logical reason for you to know this about them, because they’re loners.)
I left a relationship of living with my SO. I thought it best to go no contact. That didn’t end up working though either, I really do like him, I just can’t stand living with anyone! I don’t enjoy a lot of social activities. I can be alone forever without feeling “lonely”, so I do picture myself as a lone wolf. I enjoy going for long walks, long drives, listening to my music, painting and creating, reading for hours uninterrupted: solitary things.
I have one or 2 good friends, one from high school, we’ve kept in touch for 30 years, we’re very similar. I’ll go out to an event or dinner with one of them when I’m bored or they really want to get together. We’ll make plans for a concert or event, always something to look forward to, but not every week. They would probably consider themselves loners, too. We like it like that.
My ex and I have worked out what would seem to others as a strange relationship, he’s a loner as well, except he has family everywhere dropping in on him, I don’t like that. I’m happy I get to say that, without feeling guilty anymore. We say things like: “You should come here, but not for more than the day.” or “Next time don’t talk so much”...and then laugh at that. We text all of the time, just to share thoughts.
I like quiet.
My point is, there are plenty of Loner Women who like to have a “romantic partner”, a true loner by definition, isn’t going to want him in her space and expecting her to follow a schedule though. They find a successful relationship on their own terms, where they can still have all the alone time they need.
That’s not what you’re looking for.
That is very true.
I cannot claim to be a loner really, as extroverted as I am. I love people. But I love my space and to have certain boundaries, also. I find enmeshed relationships where you have no boundaries or personal space to be just...hell and torment. I like to have many friends but I don't let them in very close. My home is my haven, and it needs to feel like MY place.
My boyfriend is an introvert, far closer to being an actual loner, and he needs alone time and his own space, too.
I know people who are shocked to hear that we have separate bedrooms and bathrooms and don't sleep together, and are truly happy and fine with that. I've been asked, "Why bother even being in a relationship with someone, then?" Obviously not everyone has the same needs, in or out of a relationship. Hell, our work schedules are different, too, so we each get a certain significant amount of time on our own, while the other is working. I personally love that. I've actually worried a little, "What if he got a regular day job like I've got?" because we do tend to spend most of our overlapping off-time together...and my god, I need time without him around, just to get stuff done! I'm an artist, I need to make art, and I can NOT do that with other humans all up in my business!
Even an extrovert can treasure having her alone time and solitary activities sometimes.
That's very simplistic. If I spend 8 hours at work today, and two hours with my significant other, does that mean I value work four times more?
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Originally Posted by RamenAddict
Since when is the amount of time spent with a person equivalent to how much you value them? Even a loner may have a job, a kid or two, a parent or parents who need help when they are in their 40s and beyond. Loners may also have independent interests that take up some of their time.
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Originally Posted by Petunia 100
No, it shows he is a healthy, complete person all on his own. He values her so much that he chooses to make time for her.
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Originally Posted by timberline742
This.
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Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
This response is great. And jeez, I want QUALITY time with my partner, not just forever sitting around together day after day. That whole staying at home together constantly, having no other interests, obsessively staring at each other in every moment we're not having sexytime, would get mind-breakingly boring.
I really that all of these responses will sink in with Cyphorx. He's not necessarily wrong for wanting what he wants out of a relationship, but man, he really needs to understand that what he wants is not at all common or what the vast majority of people are looking for. He's not some kind of iconoclast living a truth that the rest of us are too blind to see. His ideal is unusual.
Most of the loner women I know, do not want babies. Babies are also people. They don't like people. They don't want additional people in their lives and space.
The few LEGITIMATE loner men I know around here (Scribbles for instance--a rare breed) also don't want babies, any more than they particularly want a woman. MillennialUrbanist might not be a total socially isolated person, he likes having a social life, but I don't get the sense he wants kids any more than he wants a relationship.
So no, being a socially cut-off loner doesn't give you babies but I think that's part of the idea. Unless you are not really happy with your loner-ness and you're just doing it because you've given up and decided to rot alone in a miserable solitary pile at home. I guess it goes to "loner by choice" or "loner by dysfunction"...how deliberate and chosen is this state of solitude?
Perhaps a higher percentage of female loners are that way by choice? But honestly true loners, despite the feeling we get from being on certain parts of the internet, are pretty rare. Though there are many people who, for some reason, once they get coupled up, don't seem to want to put any effort into interacting with anyone outside of their household. I don't think that is right or healthy, at a larger societal level, because I think humans do better with support networks of family, friends, community. But I believe that the "Powers That Be" running the show, particularly in America, have nudged us in that direction pretty hard, because it's easy to control people who exist in isolated units and it's great fuel for the machine. Parents both have to work, kids are put into facilities where it's easy to train them to obedience, parents are indoctrinated to buy, buy, buy, buy, work, work, work, work, buy, buy, buy, buy...what's that, you can't afford to make the Christmas magic of a huge pile of expensive junk for your children? HORRIBLE PARENT. Go into debt if you must! Those at the top will happily suck up your interest on your credit cards as you slave away to pay for Christmas for the remainder of the next year. Splintering people off into little nuclear pods with no real community bonds, is GREAT for capitalism.
This response is great. And jeez, I want QUALITY time with my partner, not just forever sitting around together day after day. That whole staying at home together constantly, having no other interests, obsessively staring at each other in every moment we're not having sexytime, would get mind-breakingly boring. Not the most interesting human being on the planet will keep me engaged if that's all there is to us. I want to have memorable experiences together. And all of that external stuff, all the things that you consider a threatening competition for time with a partner, are the things that make a partner a worthwhile and interesting person to be with, from my perspective. Hell, what my boyfriend and I do for the first half-hour or more that we're together when we have time to connect, is share the news of our day, things that happened when we were apart. If you never have any experiences apart, what in the hell do you talk about when you're together? Healthy people strike a balance between the time and activities they want to enjoy together, and those they will enjoy separately. The descriptions you've given of how you want a relationship to be, are horrifying to many who read them.
But honestly it is fascinating to me in a way. I think of you as a case study in a particular mindset/worldview, and perhaps at another end of some kind of a spectrum is someone like MillennialUrbanist who also fascinates me. Because he speaks with horror of women being tyrants who take away all of a man's fun, force him to become this boring homebody with no life. You want to BE that kind of a tyrant to a woman, or rather, you hope to find what he contemplates with dread, the woman who wants just that...the lifestyle he imagines women force upon men, is the one you are striving and struggling to find, Cyphorx. Frankly I think that both of you are incredibly unrealistic in your extremes, but it is very interesting.
You are part right on the bolded. When people couple up, they don't get "out" much. They do stick to family members, but don't get out socially with friends much.
I remember this married woman at work that would ask what I did on the weekend, because she knew I went to the "big city". I asked her what her and her husband did
She said the husband did yard work, she did the housework Saturday, and on Sunday they sent their kids to grandmas, and they just watched Netflix all day. lol
I have noticed, women tend to be more sociable than their boyfriends. I remember a woman talking about how an ex pretty much would tolerate hanging with her and her friends around at able at a bar, watching a live band. She'd be chattin' up a storm with her friends, but he would kind of sulk...itchin' to get home.
This response is great. And jeez, I want QUALITY time with my partner, not just forever sitting around together day after day. That whole staying at home together constantly, having no other interests, obsessively staring at each other in every moment we're not having sexytime, would get mind-breakingly boring. Not the most interesting human being on the planet will keep me engaged if that's all there is to us. I want to have memorable experiences together. And all of that external stuff, all the things that you consider a threatening competition for time with a partner, are the things that make a partner a worthwhile and interesting person to be with, from my perspective. Hell, what my boyfriend and I do for the first half-hour or more that we're together when we have time to connect, is share the news of our day, things that happened when we were apart. If you never have any experiences apart, what in the hell do you talk about when you're together? Healthy people strike a balance between the time and activities they want to enjoy together, and those they will enjoy separately. The descriptions you've given of how you want a relationship to be, are horrifying to many who read them.
But honestly it is fascinating to me in a way. I think of you as a case study in a particular mindset/worldview, and perhaps at another end of some kind of a spectrum is someone like MillennialUrbanist who also fascinates me. Because he speaks with horror of women being tyrants who take away all of a man's fun, force him to become this boring homebody with no life. You want to BE that kind of a tyrant to a woman, or rather, you hope to find what he contemplates with dread, the woman who wants just that...the lifestyle he imagines women force upon men, is the one you are striving and struggling to find, Cyphorx. Frankly I think that both of you are incredibly unrealistic in your extremes, but it is very interesting.
I have a friend who I've known since the 6th grade, he is a textbook case of a type A personality, since adulthood he has always had either 2 full-time jobs or at lease 1 full-time and a couple of side hustles(legal ones). I grew up in forest hills(middleclass) he grew up on the south side of Ft.worth(the hood). Anyway like me he want's a long term relationship but we have the opposite problem. we noticed this after he divorced wife #3 his complaint was that every relationship he got into the woman wanted to monopolize too much of his time, his ideal relationship would be to have a woman to hang out with on the one of his days off and the rest of the week he works and hangs out with friends and family after work(he has a lot of family in the area and social networks) . Anyway one day he told me "cupid must be cross-eyed cause we keep ending up with girlfriends meant for the other", I knew what he meant because when he would complain about who ever he was dating blowing up his phone all day or wanting to be "all up under him" I would be thinking "why can't I find that and why is it going to someone who does not recognize such a blessing(I was not an atheist yet at that time)" and at the time I was attracting workaholics or too busy women and when I complained about it I'm sure he was thinking the same thing(that I hit the gold mine and didn't know it), Anyway a friend and coworker said the reason I was attracting career women was because I was smart enough to hold their interest but because I didn't have a lot going on in my life they knew that when an opening would pop up in their scheduled odd's are I'd be available where as someone like my friend it would be a gamble on whether they would ever have a full day off at the same time. where as he was attracting women who simply saw him as a step up and wanted to lock him down before someone else put a ring on it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
Since when is the amount of time spent with a person equivalent to how much you value them? Even a loner may have a job, a kid or two, a parent or parents who need help when they are in their 40s and beyond. Loners may also have independent interests that take up some of their time.
Since forever, what I enjoy gets more of my attention proportionate to the level of enjoyment, what causes pain get's avoided unless it's a necessary evil then it get's done and out of the way ASAP. what I value get's more time and attention than what I value less.
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Originally Posted by Petunia 100
No, it shows he is a healthy, complete person all on his own. He values her so much that he chooses to make time for her.
Not if the time he/she makes is just the scraps left over after everything else.
"I saved you some pizza!!" opens box and its a piece of crust with a pepperoni that fell off of another slice.
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Originally Posted by formosa
I think there are more single men doing OLD than single women, but there are more single women doing MeetUp meetings than single men. I believe men like the online dating approach but women prefer the meeting-in-person approach.
I pretty much tried every major dating sites and signed up many MeetUp groups. I still can't find a partner. I am definitely not picky because my ex is a total loser and we were together for 16 months. I am unfortunately living in Pacific NW where the men are very passive and they don't put much effort in dating. I lost count how many times I ran into someone who just wanted sexting. OLD is great for finding casual sex. For real relationships, I think many people still meet through events like friend's party or wedding etc.
I am still trying to do MeetUp but my purpose is to make new friends and hopefully they will invite me to their parties so I can meet their friends.
But some of us don't enjoy people in groups. I'm looking for one person. And every meetup I have been to was a sausagefest so more stress same results might as well stick to OLD until something better comes along.
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Originally Posted by Frostnip
That's very simplistic. If I spend 8 hours at work today, and two hours with my significant other, does that mean I value work four times more?
You do know a day has 24 hours right? what were you doing with that other 14 hours? most likely something you valued more.
You do know a day has 24 hours right? what were you doing with that other 14 hours? most likely something you valued more.
Well, figure about 10 of those 14 hours are being taken up by necessary time-sinks (sleeping, commuting, grooming, etc.) Fine, so let's say I spend 8 hours at work and 6 hours with my partner - the point remains that it doesn't mean I value him 25% less than I value work.
Quantity doesn't determine quality, for one thing.
Well, figure about 10 of those 14 hours are being taken up by necessary time-sinks (sleeping, commuting, grooming, etc.) Fine, so let's say I spend 8 hours at work and 6 hours with my partner - the point remains that it doesn't mean I value him 25% less than I value work.
Quantity doesn't determine quality, for one thing.
Plus, the OP wants a LONER, who presumably wants to do things ALONE for much of the time. Perhaps I am missing what it means to be a loner, but as someone who is only mildly introverted, I would not want to spend every minute of my free time with someone I am dating. I need my ALONE time. During that time, I would do stuff for me that I enjoy like go to the gym or walk for exercise (which I like to do ALONE), perhaps engage in some other hobbies that are my own, keep up with my other friends, and just decompress while watching TV shows alone.
I would not want to spend my 14 free hours with my significant other. Does that mean I don’t value my significant other? No, but my personality isn’t going to fundamentally change because I am dating someone. I think the OP wanting some unhealthy codependent relationship is not compatible with who he says he wants- a loner.
The few LEGITIMATE loner men I know around here (Scribbles for instance-a rare breed) also don't want babies, any more than they particularly want a woman.
Hiya.
A little context here if I may. Parents of disabled children can be insanely overprotective, even more so when there's a layer of politically liberal but socially conservative churchiness on top. When my mother and father separated, Mum really circled the wagons and built a 'two of us against the world' scenario. I had no privacy or solitude as a kid and, in the five years since she died, I have all I want to do with as I please.
Having someone else around means making time, room and allowances for them, and I freely admit I'm too selfish and solitary to consider that. Some might say this is a character flaw, but it would only be a problem if I wanted a relationship or a family and my behaviour stood in the way of those things.
Just as I used my disability to get out of PE lessons (gym classes to you Americans), school camps and dances, I hide behind my wheelchair to avoid the expectation that I will one day couple up and breed. My attitude towards it all would be the same if my legs worked, but at least I have an alibi.
I'm staying with my Dad for the holidays and he's concerned, among other things, about the amount of time I spend by myself. It's quite normal for me and I can't imagine life any other way. If he keeps pressing me about the reason for this, I might just tell him he married her in 1972.
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Obviously not everyone has the same needs, in or out of a relationship. Hell, our work schedules are different, too, so we each get a certain significant amount of time on our own, while the other is working. I personally love that. I've actually worried a little, "What if he got a regular day job like I've got?" because we do tend to spend most of our overlapping off-time together...and my god, I need time without him around, just to get stuff done! I'm an artist, I need to make art, and I can NOT do that with other humans all up in my business! 
