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We could also look at the old school gender roles, men depended on women for emotional support, raising kids, keeping a home etc etc.
Women relied on men for financial support, if they needed emotional support they weren't to burden their husbands with it, rather they talked to their families or other women. So women have evolved to have larger support networks, even loner women have their siblings and parents. Now that we can financially support ourselves there's less of a "need" for a man.
You have a very good point. I really don't know many loners (by definition, who would). But I know that the women in my family seem more interconnected than the men. Those widows who never wanted to remarry were busy doing "family stuff" and didn't need any more companionship.
And to play devil's advocate, I have to ask if the OP is really even a loner. Maybe he is just introverted. A true loner doesn't want to associate with anyone, not even the opposite sex. There are plenty of introverts in my family (I am one of them) and we prefer to live alone and not really do a lot of group activities, we still still have friends, do things with said friends, attend family events, and still date or are in relationships.
Seriously. How is this even a question? I would not want a person (other than a child) totally reliant on me to live. What a horrible burden, and horrible dynamic. What if she isn't happy and thriving? What then? Forced to stay because she needs the other person for food and shelter and security?
Like, that's just a horrific thought. Who would wan their daughter or sister to have to live like that?
My father, my late father-in-law, and my ex-husband all tried to pressure me into being a non-working wife when I wanted to work. My FIL even said to my ex “I wouldn’t let my wife work, if I were you.” I thought at first that he was joking and responded with a “why not? I let him work.” He was not amused.
Which is what MANY men are angry about and why they want to return to "the good old days."
What I suggest to those particular men is to bring something else to the table instead of wishing to return to a time when half the population was dependent (and therefore subservient) on the other half to survive.
Many men then and now bring so much more than a paycheck...and women WANT them rather than need them.
I'd rather be wanted than someone's meal ticket.
Oh come on, lets not over play this. There were plenty of working women in the past and from listening to everyone on here you may think that there never were any female nurses, accountants, teachers and administrators. Nonsense!
But sociological attitudes did change. There is just more to it than bridging the income gap. I think women have become more comfortable with single life whereby their needs are met with friends, puppies, Netflix and certain toys. This lifestyle has become totally acceptable in our times so there is less of social pressure on women to do anything differently.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gusano
My father, my late father-in-law, and my ex-husband all tried to pressure me into being a non-working wife when I wanted to work. My FIL even said to my ex “I wouldn’t let my wife work, if I were you.” I thought at first that he was joking and responded with a “why not? I let him work.” He was not amused.
Holy smokes. I'm so glad that wasn't what I saw growing up. My mother had her masters and worked. My friends had both parents working for the most part (this was the 70s and 80s).
It's bizarre to me that this mentality is still so widespread.
Oh come on, lets not over play this. There were plenty of working women in the past and from listening to everyone on here you may think that there never were any female nurses, accountants, teachers and administrators. Nonsense!
But sociological attitudes did change. There is just more to it than bridging the income gap. I think women have become more comfortable with single life whereby their needs are met with friends, puppies, Netflix and certain toys. This lifestyle has become totally acceptable in our times so there is less of social pressure on women to do anything differently.
Cuz. PUPPIES and DOGS!! If men were like dogs, they could not keep the women away!
I think the reasons are heavily dependent on age, life status. I'm a widow (early 50s) of a few years and after a quarter century relationship that was wonderful, I've been out the game for a long time. The world has certainly changed and I'm not equipped-- or want to-- to deal with today's "rules and expectations" it seems.
I read with raised eyebrows how much women are expected to "sell themselves" on dating sites like it's some sort of job interview. The thinking is that men have so many options that you have to push yourself to the front of the line with a "pick me, pick me" face on and use any way possible to get his attention. Then, a mere few seconds can make or break your chances. Men may have the upper hand with women desperate for a relationship and perhaps they will cater to this type of expectation but that's most definitely not me.
My life is settled and pretty simple. I'm chill. Love my job. Don't sweat the small stuff. I have a nice group of friends that I hang with on occasion and otherwise am pretty much a homebody by choice. That probably makes me a loner, but that is okay with me. I so miss the interactions of laughing and joking and sharing with my spouse and sometimes think it would be nice to have some companionship but I have zero interest in "trying out" to be someone's significant other in the ways that are expected today.
My father, my late father-in-law, and my ex-husband all tried to pressure me into being a non-working wife when I wanted to work. My FIL even said to my ex “I wouldn’t let my wife work, if I were you.” I thought at first that he was joking and responded with a “why not? I let him work.” He was not amused.
My FIL told my husband to "TELL me what to do, not ask". That was funny.
Seriously. How is this even a question? I would not want a person (other than a child) totally reliant on me to live. What a horrible burden, and horrible dynamic. What if she isn't happy and thriving? What then? Forced to stay because she needs the other person for food and shelter and security?
Like, that's just a horrific thought. Who would wan their daughter or sister to have to live like that?
I was raised that way. My parents were immigrants from china, they raised all of us girls to cook and clean, take care of the family, it was expected that all of us would marry well. When my sister decided she didn't want to have children she was told that she had no purpose. What my parents did do correctly was made sure we were educated well, my dad hated the fact that he couldn't have an intellectual conversation with my mom so he pushed us all through college. If i didn't work it would have been a lot harder for me to ask for a divorce when i did.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by cleasach
I read with raised eyebrows how much women are expected to "sell themselves" on dating sites like it's some sort of job interview. The thinking is that men have so many options that you have to push yourself to the front of the line with a "pick me, pick me" face on and use any way possible to get his attention. Then, a mere few seconds can make or break your chances. Men may have the upper hand with women desperate for a relationship and perhaps they will cater to this type of expectation but that's most definitely not me.
.
I can see how you see it this way, but most women I know that have success with OLD don't play it like that. They aren't in pick me pick me mode, they're in, I pick him. They initiate and reach out to those they want to chat with.
"unconditional" can mean "no matter what you do this 'shouldn't have' consequences."
i met a guy who told me "i don't know what i want" and "i'm not ready for a relationship".
i respect that; i'd rather be with someone who knows what they want, who i actually agree with, and is ready to take responsibility for getting what he wants, instead of complaining
about "unconditional" love. everything in nature requires the right conditions to grow and
flourish in a healthy way.
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