In love with my best friend but he's a commitment-phobe

[JPrzybylski07]

Originally Posted by ellie

Move on. You’re wasting your time waiting for him to change. You are almost guaranteed to find someone else who will make you happier.

People get hung up all the time. It doesn’t mean it was meant to be. Give yourself some tough love and go no contact. Don’t look back.

Exactly

[JPrzybylski07]

Originally Posted by BirdieBelle

Well, hanging around him hoping to fall OUT of love hasn't worked so far ....

If you begin to pull away, he may sense it and panic because he will be losing his source of validation, and he may ramp up the attention just enough to keep you in orbit. As you have seen, it's a very confusing little push/pull game.

Besides, if you're using him for most of your companionship and "happiness"' needs, you are that much more closed off to someone new.

So true!

[JPrzybylski07]

Originally Posted by BirdieBelle

Well, hanging around him hoping to fall OUT of love hasn't worked so far ....

If you begin to pull away, he may sense it and panic because he will be losing his source of validation, and he may ramp up the attention just enough to keep you in orbit. As you have seen, it's a very confusing little push/pull game.

Besides, if you're using him for most of your companionship and "happiness"' needs, you are that much more closed off to someone new.

OP, if there was one response that hit home the most to me it would be this one I am quoting for the second time by birdiebelle. I was in a very similar situation as you OP but being the guy instead of the girl and finally what i realized was I needed to be strong enough to let go and clean the slate so to speak so I open up room in my life emotionally for someone new. We all have a finite amount of emotional energy and the question you obviously are having a hard time answering is is this relationship worth the emotional investment you continue to be making?

Everything is always a risk and even when someone gives you a verbal commitment or reassures you in numerous ways (like marriage) there is always still a risk.

I guess if you can deal with the bad in exchange for the good then that’s the bed you are making for yourself so you gotta sleep in it. Relationships and life in general are always in a state of flux so change is inevitable. Where it leads and the destination it takes you to? Who knows that’s why life is an adventure.

My previous relationship being in your same shoes pretty much was fine at first, and the squeeze was worth the juice in the beginning but after a while of not getting enough of my needs met it started wearing me down to the point I had to reclaim my individuality and indentity and just move on, WITHOUT feeling sorry for them or myself!

[frimpter928]

Originally Posted by BirdieBelle

Well, hanging around him hoping to fall OUT of love hasn't worked so far ....

If you begin to pull away, he may sense it and panic because he will be losing his source of validation, and he may ramp up the attention just enough to keep you in orbit. As you have seen, it's a very confusing little push/pull game.

Besides, if you're using him for most of your companionship and "happiness"' needs, you are that much more closed off to someone new.

Amazing advice and something I went through.

OP I was in a very similar situation. I think if you want to remain friends that’s possible but add some space, big time. As I said I was in a similar situation and the friend I had this thing with, I added space. Now we see each other at most once or twice a month. Also when we hang out I make it an effort to make sure it’s group outings so it doesn’t feel like a date with him.

I can see he struggles with it but oh well. He was the one that didn’t want to commit, but at the same time wanted to have his cake and eat it too. Now he’s trying but I’m not budging.