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It’s my nature and that’s why I despise my condition.
I can see that. It’s far too obvious, especially from your username. Let me ask you this, as someone who shares your condition.
Do you go around telling people things like “Yeah, I have Asperger’s and it sucks! I hate it so much! I’m not normal! I don’t know what to do!”?
Because I’m picking up you may say things like that to the people you meet, even if much less toned down and not as exaggerated as I’ve just exemplified. If you’re doing that, you need to stop. It’s showing you have major insecurities about it and you’re making a bigger problem out of your condition than you should.
You seem like a productive member of society and fairly intelligent, so don’t throw yourself under the bus by throwing light on your condition. You’re making problems where there might otherwise be none. Most of society has not an iota of what Asperger’s or high-functioning autism is. I see it in the ignorant posts from all the keyboard psychiatrists on this forum sometimes. So you will be extremely misunderstood by people when you tell them this. Some people would never know of your condition if you didn’t tell them.
I can see that. It’s far too obvious, especially from your username. Let me ask you this, as someone who shares your condition.
Do you go around telling people things like “Yeah, I have Asperger’s and it sucks! I hate it so much! I’m not normal! I don’t know what to do!”?
Because I’m picking up you may say things like that to the people you meet, even if much less toned down and not as exaggerated as I’ve just exemplified. If you’re doing that, you need to stop. It’s showing you have major insecurities about it and you’re making a bigger problem out of your condition than you should.
You seem like a productive member of society and fairly intelligent, so don’t throw yourself under the bus by throwing light on your condition. You’re making problems where there might otherwise be none. Most of society has not an iota of what Asperger’s or high-functioning autism is. I see it in the ignorant posts from all the keyboard psychiatrists on this forum sometimes. So you will be extremely misunderstood by people when you tell them this. Some people would never know of your condition if you didn’t tell them.
Ah...someone just might have an inkling after hearing his bizarre pick ups lines.
Don't flirt. Just be friends first. Ask them to coffee, or on a bike ride. Don't show your motives, have no motives except to be friends. After you are friends, then if it naturally progresses, let it....
Dating and flirting is something pushed by the world, don't conform to it. Do what is natural to you.
It doesn’t work like that. Once friends, always friends and that’s because I don’t have the attractive qualities like social skills and conservation skills that make me dating material. I never go into a friendship expecting more. But the fact is that my disorder make everything unfairly difficult and I don’t have to tell anyone because people know how awkward I am.
Everyone here who does not have Asperger’s should consider themselves lucky.
Don't flirt. Just be friends first. Ask them to coffee, or on a bike ride. Don't show your motives, have no motives except to be friends. After you are friends, then if it naturally progresses, let it....
Dating and flirting is something pushed by the world, don't conform to it. Do what is natural to you.
This is a great way to get friendzoned.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AspergersSucks
Well the strategies I do ranges from blunt interest “Hey girl, you’re so beautiful I want to go out with you” all the way to mediocre rapping like:
“Yo, your name’s Karina. Swept me away like Katrina. Gonna ask if you’re from Korea, then got slapped by my ex named Dina”.
I'm not surprised you're having difficulty. One of the first things women want to know about you is can you have a normal (or at least mostly normal) conversation. Just talk like a regular person, see what her interests are and if you have anything in common then ask her out to do one of those things with her. Also don't tell her about your condition until much later in the relationship like after you've been seeing eachother regularly for a few months.
It doesn’t work like that. Once friends, always friends and that’s because I don’t have the attractive qualities like social skills and conservation skills that make me dating material. I never go into a friendship expecting more. But the fact is that my disorder make everything unfairly difficult and I don’t have to tell anyone because people know how awkward I am.
Everyone here who does not have Asperger’s should consider themselves lucky.
I don't know if you saw my post, because of the nature of forums. I'll post again. I have Asperger's. Married 25 years. Don't know how to flirt, never did. Never kissed a boy until I was 18, only ever went on a couple of "dates" that were awkward and painful and never went anywhere.
Dating does not have to be a competitive sport with winners and losers, in spite of what some people post here.
I met my husband of 25 years (not on the spectrum) through other people, who suggested we might like each other because they knew us well. We saw each other in social situations here and there. One day we went out with just the two of us for a hike and then dinner. Been a couple ever since. There was no flirting, no game, no "approach". Just people who liked being with each other and found each other attractive after getting to know each other. My husband finds my take on the world interesting, and we make a great team.
It is totally possible to find a relationship when one's social skills are different than NT people. But if you see your preferred sex as some sort of prize for playing the game correctly, it's going to be many times harder.
It is totally possible to find a relationship when one's social skills are different than NT people. But if you see your preferred sex as some sort of prize for playing the game correctly, it's going to be many times harder.
I'm not surprised you're having difficulty. One of the first things women want to know about you is can you have a normal (or at least mostly normal) conversation. Just talk like a regular person, see what her interests are and if you have anything in common then ask her out to do one of those things with her. Also don't tell her about your condition until much later in the relationship like after you've been seeing eachother regularly for a few months.
How do regular people talk normal? I’m well aware that I talk atypical compared to most people; even though I’m fairly confident I still get shut down nearly every time 2 minutes in a conversation.
How do I talk normal while being myself? Actually, it’s even harder when I’m being myself because I say everyone on my mind which leads to ‘cringy’ stuff like what everyone here blasts me for. I’m not normal, I’m broken.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
You're not broken. You're just not typical. That's ok.
Plenty of people that are ASD level 1 find and have great relationships. Most of the ones I know have just learned over the years to hold back much of what they were to blurt out. There is a fair amount of fake it til you make it going on. Counseling can help with this.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by AspergersSucks
What is more important in dating? Confidence or talking ‘normal’?
I’m well assured I’m confident and never come off jittery towards girls, yet because my speech is “cringy”, I have no luck.
Both are important. Balance is important.
So learn to uncringe your speech. People do. Again, counseling can help with this.
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