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Let’s say that you get a divorce and start out new with your old classmate, what makes you think that things won’t get stale (like your marriage) after the same number of years?
Is 40 really too old to talk about love? Or is it too old to talk about breaking up?
Consider your marriage first and only. The best advice I ever read was that if you can picture yourself happier alone, then divorce may be the right thing for you. And that means ALONE, because the classmate thing might never happen or won’t last.
Really, nothing wrong.
It is like working with somebody at work. No feelings. Too old to talk about love? mid-forty is an awkward age.
Have you had sex with her? Do not leave your current wife if she would not be compatible in bed. Also I need to know if kids are involved here before I make recommendation.
short version:
high school classmate for a year, had a wonderful time, no physical contact, never held hands.
never mentioned anything about relationship because my best buddy loves her.
had her in my mind ever since, cannot get rid of her.
20 years later ........... never contacted each other and we both have an ok marriage and a successful career.
met her in Europe, spent 3 days together, purely as a friend, never held hands.
a month later, had a dinner together, purely as a friend, never held hands.
GOSH, we still have so much in common, even better than before.
Another month passed (last month), we are thousands of miles apart and finally realized our feelings about each other.
She is quite conservative. But, she is filing divorce with her husband. I have been trying to persuade her not to. Having told me that she had enough of her boring marriage, she wants to live her own life.
For me, I am on the verge of leaving everything behind for her. This is not a fantasy. I am very sure that she is my true love. I never had this kind of feelings to any girls. I married my wife only because I need one or I want one. Now facing the right one, should I pull the trigger regardless?
OR, I am just being stupid?
Go for it. The only thing that can result is regret.
And you already have that.
short version:
high school classmate for a year, had a wonderful time, no physical contact, never held hands.
never mentioned anything about relationship because my best buddy loves her.
had her in my mind ever since, cannot get rid of her.
20 years later ........... never contacted each other and we both have an ok marriage and a successful career. met her in Europe, spent 3 days together, purely as a friend, never held hands.
a month later, had a dinner together, purely as a friend, never held hands.
GOSH, we still have so much in common, even better than before.
Another month passed (last month), we are thousands of miles apart and finally realized our feelings about each other.
She is quite conservative. But, she is filing divorce with her husband. I have been trying to persuade her not to. Having told me that she had enough of her boring marriage, she wants to live her own life.
For me, I am on the verge of leaving everything behind for her. This is not a fantasy. I am very sure that she is my true love. I never had this kind of feelings to any girls. I married my wife only because I need one or I want one. Now facing the right one, should I pull the trigger regardless?
OR, I am just being stupid?
Your timeline is somewhat confusing. Just how did the three days in Europe come about? How long ago was that? And the dinner a month later – since you say you are "thousands of miles apart."
What has led you to believe that her desire to "live her own life" actually includes you – other than perhaps you are both a bit "overheated" at the moment?
The fact that you "never had this kind of feelings to any girls" before this is something you really need to look at. That doesn't mean she's the "right one."
Because, according to what you've told us, you only married your wife in order to have a wife (not necessarily her), if there are no children involved it might be best to cut her loose so she can find someone who both loves her and truly appreciates what she brings to a relationship. Just don't be upset if she finds someone who suits her far better than you and if your fantasy relationship ends up being either a no-go or your "one true love" tells you that you're not *her* "one" once the dust of the end of her marriage settles.
You're risking simply being one another's catalyst for ending marriages that, for at least your "true love" and you, are less than stellar. Then again, things could work out and you would live happily ever after with her.
You're the only one who can make the decision to leave your marriage to be with a woman other than your wife. Tread carefully and above all, if you decide to leave your marriage, be as kind and gentle as you can with your spouse--especially as you married her under false pretenses. (Unless yours was an arranged marriage.)
it was somewhere in a fairytale......I use to take her home in my car...we learned about love in the back of a car...the lesson hadn't gone too far...
be careful about what you truly want....the FEELING of puppy love.....the conquest of what you couldn't have ….. or the opportunity to see "what if"
to risk all you have on a romanticized "what if" is risking a LOT
what you think she is and what life will be like might be worlds apart..
you are a different person today and so is she...…. you are in fantasy-land
keep in mind....people are like ice-bergs you are only seeing 15 % of her...its the other 85% that you don't see..thats real life.....
Really, nothing wrong.
It is like working with somebody at work. No feelings. Too old to talk about love? mid-forty is an awkward age.
You should talk to a therapist first, by yourself, to sort out your lack of feelings and your apparent mid-life crisis.
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