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It sounds like these men are entering your life as strong protectors, and then over time you are flipping the script on them by maintaining strict control over everything and taking over the lead. They don't seem to be happy with the new script.
I think you would be better off with some time alone to reflect, but if you do move right into another relationship, I would recommend you start it on the same footing that you would like to continue long term. Don't start out with someone that sees you as needing protection or rescue, start out with someone that is willing to accept the situation that you would like long term.
There are plenty of decent men that are more relaxed and would be happy enough with a strong woman, but they generally don't start out by swooping in to rescue you from an angry ex.
I have never said anything but “our home” to fiancé, yet he still does not feel like it is his.
Well, it could be because you've already stated that due to your OCD, everything pretty much has to be done your way (since it's the "best" way) and that his input hasn't even been worth listening to. You know, eventually the other person just might get the feeling that his presence there isn't worth much either.
What is wrong with me specifically that I only attract damaged men? Maybe I can just google it and resolve it my self.
Only damaged men would tolerate your level of controlling behavior and trust issues.
The woman I know that sounds a lot like you has admitted this and purposely seeks out weakened, damaged men who have a good chance of handing her control. Good, strong men with their ***t together always end up leaving.
[quote=LowonLuck;54052009]I have been in therapy for years. I have done couple counseling in two of my relationships. It always ends with the therapist saying I don’t need to come, they need to see him by himself. Which happens for a session or two and they bail... I predict that would be the same with the current one. He has trust issues with everyone. He always thinks everyone is out to get him. He feels like he is not loved and has no control. He always says he has no say in anything. I asked him last night what it is that he thinks he was not included in and he could not give an example, he just kept gaslighting that no one respects him. I actually pointed out that unless my mother sets the place, he always decides where we are eating.
I have a high self esteem. I know my worth. Trust when I should.
My sons father was unmedicated bipolar. The therapist thought I was a saint for weathering those highs and lows for 7 years.[/QUOTE
Sorry, but you need MUCH better and more individual therapy. No one can continually repeat these kinds of relationship fiascos without being the common denominator. If you won't do it for your own sake, do it for the emotional and physical safety of your children, please.
And that is good for you, as it should be (Im sure the OP hasnt done that). But be that as it may, you would still have to move out of the home that you consider yours, unless it is willed to you. Is it?
No. His property will go to his daughter when that time comes.
We do not have joint finances. We split joint expenses , but keep all else separate. We both have assets and income; neither of is is financially dependent upon the other.
No. His property will go to his daughter when that time comes.
We do not have joint finances. We split joint expenses , but keep all else separate. We both have assets and income; neither of is is financially dependent upon the other.
Well as long as you are fine with having to move if something happens to him.
I have life insurance. My children inherit everything but in the trust it is set up so that fiancé could remain in the home. So yes I did make plans to protect him, although he makes twice my salary. He should be fine on his own.
Your children would stay with this guy if something happened to you? Oy.
Hopefully someone else has control of the trust.
OP is in this relationship because she gets what she wants - another income supporting the household, and someone to help with the chores and schlepping the kids around. That's it. But she's never going to find someone to be a partner in a loving relationship, because a healthy person knows that such demands from the beginning are not reasonable. The only people who will accept those kinds of demands from the beginning are people who are not healthy themselves.
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