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My wife and I have been married 26 years. She never wanted me on the deed of the house nor am I on the deed of the condo here in Florida. I even stupidly signed a prenup and didn't have it vetted by a lawyer. I was a fool in love. And as our marriage has deteriorated, she reminds me that it's HER condo. Being unable to work since 2010(and on disability since 2011), I rarely feel comfortable. She holds the financial sword over my head, telling me that if I want to leave, I'll be homeless and broke. I'm considering buying a small, used RV and tell her goodbye.
And yes if this continues, he will be finding somewhere else to live.
Why wait? I've seen nothing good about this man. The way he acts is not normal. I know you really want the happily ever after, but you have to know that he is not the one. In fact, this behavior will probably only get worse once you're married.
Its not too long for him not to feel like its his home, because its not his home. Period. His name is on nothing. There is no ownership for him, none, nada. I dont care how long you live in someone elses home, it will NEVER be his home, until you add him to the deed. If you arent willing to do that, why would he feel like its his home?
I think it has much less to do with paperwork and more to do with how someone is treated. If you treat someone like you don't trust them, don't like their ideas, and don't care if they come or go then they are goig to feel like a boarder.
I understand you got burned OP. Many of us have been there and it hurts both emotionally and financially but unless you let that go at some point you don't belong in a relationship with anyone. I'm not saying throw your finances to the wind but you can't treat everyone you meet like they are going to ********* at some point. If that's how you actually feel then you should just commit to raising your children alone and stop trying to find a husband. You don't need one and deep down you don't seem to really want one.
I was in a situation much like your guy. I always heard, my house this and my house that. And it was her house she was right. Her furniture, her pictures, her everything. My stuff was in storage cause she didnt like it and no room for any of it.
Like you, she was a headstrong, OCD control freak that wanted it her way. Also, like you, she wanted to go drink with her buddies and act like a single woman with no explanation necessary and never felt guilty.
However, i DID pay half of everything. I got tired of it all and left. Sooner or later he will too if you don't send him away first. His self esteem must really be low or he would already be gone.
I go to the bar, for get this... because I am thirsty and need a drink. Or hungry and thirsty... I don’t go for social reasons. I am actually quite unsocial and unapproachable.
My wife and I have been married 26 years. She never wanted me on the deed of the house nor am I on the deed of the condo here in Florida. I even stupidly signed a prenup and didn't have it vetted by a lawyer. I was a fool in love. And as our marriage has deteriorated, she reminds me that it's HER condo. Being unable to work since 2010(and on disability since 2011), I rarely feel comfortable. She holds the financial sword over my head, telling me that if I want to leave, I'll be homeless and broke. I'm considering buying a small, used RV and tell her goodbye.
It doesn’t matter if you’re not on the deed, you’ll be somewhat protected since you’re married. Go see a lawyer now.
My wife and I have been married 26 years. She never wanted me on the deed of the house nor am I on the deed of the condo here in Florida. I even stupidly signed a prenup and didn't have it vetted by a lawyer. I was a fool in love. And as our marriage has deteriorated, she reminds me that it's HER condo. Being unable to work since 2010(and on disability since 2011), I rarely feel comfortable. She holds the financial sword over my head, telling me that if I want to leave, I'll be homeless and broke. I'm considering buying a small, used RV and tell her goodbye.
You are a victim of financial and emotional abuse. I don't know what you were thinking to hand over such financial control to her originally, but if you are disabled you may be entitled to more than you think. I'd certainly seek some legal advice.
WHAT? Big mistake no matter the reason. Your kids get everything, but he can continue to live in the house? And where exactly will those children be living? They aren't so far from the age of being legal adults. Rethink this please.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck
So clearly I am fine or not fixable.
What is wrong with me specifically that I only attract damaged men? Maybe I can just google it and resolve it my self.
This statement is sort of the theme of all of your posts. Since you asked, you expect others to meet your expectations, even if that means changing, but to h... with changing yourself for another. You've essentially said that in your posts many, many times. Until you're ready to actually give and take in a meaningful way, no relationship will work. You expect too much and give too little. You're like an oak tree: unbending, strong in your beliefs and inflexible. You need to be more like a willow tree: flexible, willing to negotiate, and willing to accept your flaws.
Look again at your either/or statement. It smacks of self-righteousness and someone not willing to learn or adapt. Even your statement about "damaged men" indicates you think it's all on them.
This man doesn't really sound damaged. He sounds like a man that's had some serious doubts all along and is protecting himself.
I moved into my boyfriend's place a month ago when the lease on my old place ran out.
In some aspects it still feels like I don't actually live here. I think that weirdness can take a while to go away. He has been more than accommodating though.
I go to the bar, for get this... because I am thirsty and need a drink. Or hungry and thirsty... I don’t go for social reasons. I am actually quite unsocial and unapproachable.
For simply hungry and thirsty most people would stop at a convenience store or a drive through. Most people who stop at a bar after work do it because they are not anxious to get home for some reason.
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