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Red light! Red light! I have only read two pages of this post, and I don't know why you want to live with this person. If it were his house the rules would be different? Like how?
So far, I haven't read one positive thing that you've said about this person. That in and of itself says a lot. What is he bringing to this relationship?
Whatever you do, don't marry this person. People don't get better over time. I don't think there is anything that would make him a happier, more helpful around the house, type of person. It sounds like he's got a good deal with you though, doesn't have to do much, and pays when or if he feels like it.
I guess the real question is, are you happier with him or without him? Does he bring you such great joy in other ways that you are willing to put up with his negativity? Are you settled in with him, and afraid of change? Are you afraid that you won't find someone else and he's better than being alone?
What I can't believe is that you are putting your kids in the middle of this emotional war zone. The tension in your home must be thick enough to cut with a knife. Apparently even the poor dog is receiving agitas from this guy. Aside from the fact that you seem to need to have some guy at your beck and call, what on earth is anyone in your household getting out of this so-called "relationship" except stress and unhappiness? Living on your own would be better for all concerned at this point.
+1.
Although from the history, its not a top priority. The old exs, old BF, new fiancé are the front runners. Ugh.
Oh believe me, I know people (all women) who would have it no other way. They will never give up their own homes. Their "partner" is just a tenant. I don't know what is wrong with these wussy guys, guess they like having a mommy taking care of them and making all the decisions.
Those wussy guys have a choice. They don't have to move in. And if they do move in, assuming they cut their living expenses, no reason they can't be spending that extra money investing, buying rentals, having a second home for vacations. One can say the same thing about Wussy Women. Why should they go be just a tenant in someone else's home?
Have you ever moved into a home your significant other owns? How did you make it feel like it was your home?
My fiancé walks around constantly harping on the fact that this is my house, my responsibility and not his home. Today he actually said “if this is my home, the rules would be different”.
This is a common issue I have found. I use the phrase “our home” when I speak. I don’t know how to make him feel better. It has been almost 4 years.
Let me be crystal clear here: If you had paid attention to the man he was before he moved in, you wouldn't be surprised by the man he is now.
Do you ever make good relationship decisions? Seems as if you don't. With that in mind, here's my advice for you to be happier: When it's time for you to make a relationship decision, listen to your gut AND THEN DO THE OPPOSITE.
Another thread? Come on... you know the relationship is dead, don't you?
PLEASE decide to put your kids first now. Please.
Yes the guy is clearly miserable and there is no way your kids have a happy home now, it is them that should be your main obligation not a whiny boyfriend.
Have you ever moved into a home your significant other owns? How did you make it feel like it was your home?
My fiancé walks around constantly harping on the fact that this is my house, my responsibility and not his home. Today he actually said “if this is my home, the rules would be different”.
This is a common issue I have found. I use the phrase “our home” when I speak. I don’t know how to make him feel better. It has been almost 4 years.
Yes, I have. About 14 months ago I moved into a travel trailer my SO owns, which is parked on property he owns. For about 3 years immediately prior, we had lived in my house (he sold his and moved into mine).
Your fiance sounds immature. He also sounds as though he feels powerless, and is dealing with it in an indirect, passive-aggressive way. It is his home, but not his property. What rules? Rules for you? Rules for your kids?
What has been almost 4 years?
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