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The act of looking does feel like I am breaking some rule. Guilty maybe? And then I look up and see my wife's picture. I feel like I just got caught stealing the cookies. So I should take the pictures down? I know I will have to but that simple act is so full of symbolism. I should ask my daughters?
Chinese? Filipino, etc?
I spent a lot of time in SE Asia long ago. Beautiful people and places. I would have to live there to make that work. Any man thinking about going this route really needs to do a lot of research. Its not so simple.
For now I may just continue looking and learning and continue my routine except add activities that will get me out of the house and into contact with lots of people. And looking outside it is really cold and raining hard. Indoor activities?
Its been over two years since my wife passed. I am feeling like I may be up to try dating again. I tried over a year ago and I was not ready. Maybe today I am just fooling myself?
I have done a lot of soul searching as to what I want for the rest of my life. I know I do not want to be alone. I want to find one person to spend it with. So the last couple days I signed up to Ourtime and Match. I only signed up to be able to search profiles. I have not paid any money. There seems to be a learning curve to this. What the heck do all the colors and symbols mean?
So in looking thru the profiles I am getting hit up side the head with requirements as to what women are looking for. Great sounding profiles, good pictures but I am 5-8 and she wants 5-10 to 6 something. Even when I set my own height preference from 4-8 to 5-3. And its is most of them that want taller men. So right off the bat I am finding why OLD does not work for a lot of men. Under 5-10 and you are unlikely to show up in most searches.
It is what it is. I am certain that a lot of women have their own complaints about being automatically shut out by men for whatever reason that doesn't seem fair. My own search parameters are somewhat restrictive. We are who we are.
So I am trying to do the math, total number of women in my area in my age range times the number who will set parameters I don't measure up to, times the number who don't meet my own criteria, subtracting the ones who might be crazy, or multiple divorces, multiplied by the percentage of fake or long expired profiles.
And then subtracting those with ex's in anger management or due to be released, alcoholics, drug addicts, just plain drama queens. And then factoring in the ones who are scammers. Maybe the picture is his sister?
It all sounded good at first but the reality is finding someone to spend your life with is no easy task. And I am thinking I should drop this idea altogether because I am feeling some bitterness that I am in this situation at all. I need to get over that.
This is exactly why meeting people in real life is better for some people. If you're involved in some kind of shared activity, through joining a group or volunteering, whatever, everyone has a chance to get to know each other casually. In this type of environment, personality has more of an opportunity to shine, than in a more looks-based venue, like OLD. Figure out where the women your age are congregating in your community, take a look at your local Community College's Continuing Ed program and activities, check out your local Parks Dept. programs, and other venues (book clubs, gardening workshops through your local garden stores, your local salsa, swing, or folk dance venues, your town's Sister City Committee or Foreign Affairs lecture venue, whatever turns you on), and get involved. Be patient. You may not find a kindred spirit at first. Stick with it. People come and go in groups, classes, etc. You can also try different groups.
Just set your profile to 5'10", chat her up for a while, and them when she's already in love with you she will get over the fact that you're two inches shorter.
I am serious.
You are encouraging dishonesty?
I don’t know any woman that would be cool with that.
The act of looking does feel like I am breaking some rule. Guilty maybe? And then I look up and see my wife's picture. I feel like I just got caught stealing the cookies. So I should take the pictures down? I know I will have to but that simple act is so full of symbolism. I should ask my daughters?
Chinese? Filipino, etc?
I spent a lot of time in SE Asia long ago. Beautiful people and places. I would have to live there to make that work. Any man thinking about going this route really needs to do a lot of research. Its not so simple.
For now I may just continue looking and learning and continue my routine except add activities that will get me out of the house and into contact with lots of people. And looking outside it is really cold and raining hard. Indoor activities?
Now you're on the right track! Cold and rainy outside? Book clubs, or bookstore author events, travel seminars through your local travel bookstore or recreational equipment outlet, drama workshops through your Parks Department, your local Foreign Affairs Council lecture organization (they have receptions afterwards, when people can mingle), singles gatherings through a variety of sports groups that organize indoor activities in winter, volunteering for a film festival or indoor art fair; OP the list can be longer than you think. Also: charity dinners and other fund-raisers (John and Teresa Heinz Kerry met at a charity dinner). Are you a music lover? See if you can do any volunteer work for your local youth orchestra. You might meet mothers of budding musicians, or other volunteers.
If you've never scoped out this aspect of community life, you wouldn't have any idea what your city has to offer. You may be pleasantly surprised.
Now you're on the right track! Cold and rainy outside? Book clubs, or bookstore author events, travel seminars through your local travel bookstore or recreational equipment outlet, drama workshops through your Parks Department, your local Foreign Affairs Council lecture organization (they have receptions afterwards, when people can mingle), singles gatherings through a variety of sports groups that organize indoor activities in winter, volunteering for a film festival or indoor art fair; OP the list can be longer than you think. Also: charity dinners and other fund-raisers (John and Teresa Heinz Kerry met at a charity dinner). Are you a music lover? See if you can do any volunteer work for your local youth orchestra. You might meet mothers of budding musicians, or other volunteers.
If you've never scoped out this aspect of community life, you wouldn't have any idea what your city has to offer. You may be pleasantly surprised.
Great suggestions. And don't be too quick to dismiss a Seniors Centre. The one my mom joined was for age 55+ and a majority of activities were held in the four libraries in her city, although there was also a specific centre to go to as well. She joined a book club, a news and politics group and a card club. The membership fee was $10 per year and there were a few hundred activities, dates and locations to choose from. Worthwhile at least investigating what's offered.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 5 days ago)
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Reputation: 50641
Stevie, I'm sorry for your loss. I'm a little surprised to read that many single women in your age group automatically pass on widowers. Interesting. As a whole, men who were happily married but reach their 60's and become a widower are a VERY good bet for a partner. They know how to do marriage, and they want to have that again.
I'd rather compete with a ghost than someone who's actually living, also.
Do you have people in your social circle who might be interested that you're dating again? Often, acquaintances of your wife are interested but wait for the widower to show signs of being interested again.
Best wishes. I'm betting by this time next year you will be in a relationship.
Try being a 62 y.o. widowed female, LOL. We outnumber the guys by quite a bit. I have never tried OLD, I can't imagine putting in height requirements in who I was looking for. But even you, OP, put them in your listing.
I gotta second the volunteering. I volunteer with a great group of people. There are half a dozen guys my age and older that I would go out with if they were single and asked me. (They're not).
Been almost 4 years for me, I am resigned to not finding anyone else. If it happens, OK. But I kind of doubt it.
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