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When men tell me that they find me attractive or beautiful, I rarely believe them. But when women, especially women that I am close to, tell me I am, and go on to tell me why they think so, or make observations about my appearance, I can take it to heart far more readily.
Maybe it's because I always feel like guys have an agenda. And even a woman that I'm dating, it usually doesn't feel like she particularly does.
So how does a guy give a girl a looks-based compliment that will sound genuine and not self-serving? Unless it’s about the girl’s insecurity more than anything else. I’d suppose the answer would be to tailor the compliment specifically to her...”You have pretty hair” vs. “I really like how your hair falls down your shoulder like that, and I love the color, it reminds me of a mocha I get at this coffee shop I know.” Something along those lines, would it seem more genuine?
So how does a guy give a girl a looks-based compliment that will sound genuine and not self-serving? Unless it’s about the girl’s insecurity more than anything else. I’d suppose the answer would be to tailor the compliment specifically to her...”You have pretty hair” vs. “I really like how your hair falls down your shoulder like that, and I love the color, it reminds me of a mocha I get at this coffee shop I know.” Something along those lines, would it seem more genuine?
I always get to know the "girl" (woman for me) first. Take time to know a little bit about her. Only give a looks based compliment on occasion. And if I give a compliment, it would be more along the lines of what she has achieved with her looks than something she was born with (I think about the times when I used to get compliments on my height. Height is not an achievement to me).
So how does a guy give a girl a looks-based compliment that will sound genuine and not self-serving? Unless it’s about the girl’s insecurity more than anything else. I’d suppose the answer would be to tailor the compliment specifically to her...”You have pretty hair” vs. “I really like how your hair falls down your shoulder like that, and I love the color, it reminds me of a mocha I get at this coffee shop I know.” Something along those lines, would it seem more genuine?
I'm the same as sonic, and i don't know if there is a way a guy can compliment me without me dismissing it. I was actually asked yesterday by a male friend that called me beautiful why i cant accept a compliment, i didn't really have an answer for him. I mean i know I'm considered attractive, I don't suffer from low self esteem but when i hear a compliment from a guy, it just feels like they want something.
The cashier (female) at Chipotle told me i was "so pretty" once, i thought it was strange but it made my day.
I always get to know the "girl" (woman for me) first. Take time to know a little bit about her. Only give a looks based compliment on occasion. And if I give a compliment, it would be more along the lines of what she has achieved with her looks than something she was born with (I think about the times when I used to get compliments on my height. Height is not an achievement to me).
All that goes without saying to me. For one, I’d want to establish mutual interest before giving someone an appearance-based compliment for just that reason (self-serving).
You get compliments on your height? How tall are you?
I always get to know the "girl" (woman for me) first. Take time to know a little bit about her. Only give a looks based compliment on occasion. And if I give a compliment, it would be more along the lines of what she has achieved with her looks than something she was born with (I think about the times when I used to get compliments on my height. Height is not an achievement to me).
Yes! achievement based compliments win me over all the time!
All that goes without saying to me. For one, I’d want to establish mutual interest before giving someone an appearance-based compliment for just that reason (self-serving).
You get compliments on your height? How tall are you?
Not as much as I used to. The last compliment on my height (6'0" tops) was about 9 years ago.
Not as much as I used to. The last compliment on my height (6'0" tops) was about 9 years ago.
I top you by two inches and I can't say I've ever gotten an in-public compliment on my height. I've had female friends list this as a positive when I'm asking them what my strengths are for dating/attraction purposes. I did ride a roller coaster once with a woman (a stranger) who said something to her friend in the next row about riding next to a "big, strong man." And, I had a nurse (much older, and married) once comment on how muscular I was during a BP reading (my muscles don't show, I'm not ripped, but I guess she could feel through the skin), but that's as close as it gets to comments on my physique.
Are you on any online sites. Granted this is very new territory for me, but it seems like there are all levels of attractiveness there. There should be some 5-7s to match up with your 6, I would think.
I've been on-and-off a few since my last breakup c. six years ago. But, like some others in the thread, I don't really do the number rating thing either. My "9" might be your "5" and vice-versa, and ultimately, I just want to be someone's "8" or "9"... as an aggregate score.
Ultimately, I just have a yay-or-nay approach to things. It's just about someone being attractive enough to want to date. After that point, it's time to start measuring up the other qualities. Honestly, my standards probably aren't very high compared to most guys, and find the plethora of women either conventionally "hot", and the remainder not attractive and/or train-wrecks frustrating. Some middle-of-the-road options would be nice. Dating apps are just weird... but I'm in a new city so it's probably one of the better options... in theory, anyway.
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length
I think having options is a factor, but I also think number of lids that fit is a factor too. I think that for some kinds of pots, there are only a limited number of lids interested in fitting that particular kind of pot. Those lids find their pots fairly quickly and lots of corresponding pots aren't able to find lids that work very well.
I can't even find a lid that wants to have a cup of coffee... ...okay, the metaphor stopped working, haha! But yeah, I don't even get to the fitment part anymore.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ellybelly83
Yes! achievement based compliments win me over all the time!
That's a no brainer, one would think. I was at a fest in Oakland in the fall and saw a woman who I talked to before the set (didn't know she was in a band at the time) and after told her she had a sick guitar tone (she did). It worked out ok. I can't imagine saying... what... you have great legs? Or, you're really good looking? Pretty cringeworthy.
That's a no brainer, one would think. I was at a fest in Oakland in the fall and saw a woman who I talked to before the set (didn't know she was in a band at the time) and after told her she had a sick guitar tone (she did). It worked out ok. I can't imagine saying... what... you have great legs? Or, you're really good looking? Pretty cringeworthy.
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My "9" might be your "5" and vice-versa, and ultimately, I just want to be someone's "8" or "9"... as an aggregate score. 
...okay, the metaphor stopped working, haha! But yeah, I don't even get to the fitment part anymore.
