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Because when relationships have started this way (guy sees me, guy is attracted, guy pursues before I say one word), they don't last. With the men in my longest three relationships, they saw me but weren't interested until they knew how I thought, who I was. I suppose that could be the luck of the draw but every time one of the others fail it reinforces that idea.
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
But he wasn't into you, except on a superficial level. So dating someone like that should "end badly". That's how you weed out unsuitable candidates. You come across to me as being needy of validation from these guys, so you go ahead and get sexually involved prematurely. But what does such superficial validation get you? Ultimately, nothing but self-doubt and disappointment.
I don't have sex early on with men. I wouldn't say I need validation but I feel invalidated by failed relationships.
I've tried but it can be so hard to see yourself and your flaws.
I really try not to argue and I do not talk down to people. With this guy he would become intimidated if I tried to talk about anything too deeply. He would say, "You think too much. Everything's not that deep".
I'm looking to join some, yes.
lol. Not a good match. NEXT!
One needs to be able to have a conversation with someone. Hopefully--many conversations, satisfying conversations. You weren't able to do that, with that guy. "Sorry, this isn't working out. We're not on the same wavelength, here" is what you say in a situation like that.
Because when relationships have started this way (guy sees me, guy is attracted, guy pursues before I say one word), they don't last. With the men in my longest three relationships, they saw me but weren't interested until they knew how I thought, who I was. I suppose that could be the luck of the draw but every time one of the others fail it reinforces that idea.
I don't have sex early on with men. I wouldn't say I need validation but I feel invalidated by failed relationships.
Ok so that happened in the past. But keep trying. There are so many factors at play. Maybe they were too young and weren't looking for something serious to begin with. Who knows. You can only control you and one thing I think you need to change is to be open to all men, including the ones who approach you because they find you attractive. And don't give up on online dating just because it didn't work with one guy. Its how I met my partner.
Because when relationships have started this way (guy sees me, guy is attracted, guy pursues before I say one word), they don't last. With the men in my longest three relationships, they saw me but weren't interested until they knew how I thought, who I was. I suppose that could be the luck of the draw but every time one of the others fail it reinforces that idea.
I don't have sex early on with men. I wouldn't say I need validation but I feel invalidated by failed relationships.
The recent ones are relationships that never even should have begun. If they fail, it's because it wasn't a good match.
You were fortunate before; you say the guys in your first two relationships wanted to get to know you first. Finding people like that takes time and patience, usually. They're out there. I guess, that because you had a couple of successes in that respect early on in life, you're wondering why it's not working now. You just happened to get lucky. Don't take that to be the norm.
The more recent failures aren't because you're not LTR material. It's because the men you're choosing to get involved with aren't LTR material, OR they are (like the last guy you described), but they're not a good match for you. He even admitted he shouldn't have rushed into the relationship with you. That's all it is; getting involved prematurely. There's no mystery here.
It sounds like a high quality online dating service might be the way to go. You can screen for men with the same interests, intelligence level, and goals, without wasting your time on the other ones.
I know OP has no trouble meeting men, but quantity is a time waster. Screen out the ones who want to drag you rock climbing, and meet some quiet, scholarly types.
Sometimes but like I said in one of the posts very early on, that ends one of two ways for me.
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Originally Posted by Levels77
Ok so that happened in the past. But keep trying. There are so many factors at play. Maybe they were too young and weren't looking for something serious to begin with. Who knows. You can only control you and one thing I think you need to change is to be open to all men, including the ones who approach you because they find you attractive. And don't give up on online dating just because it didn't work with one guy. Its how I met my partner.
When was this? I think online dating might have been good before it became really popular.
All I can tell from when I did it was that it prevented commitment. At first I thought, "Wow, I should have done this sooner!" Then I saw that no matter how many messages, likes, etc I got, very few took it past the initial stages. They had so many "options" that few could find a woman they liked and stick to her.
I will keep trying but I'll pass on the online stuff.
Sometimes but like I said in one of the posts very early on, that ends one of two ways for me.
When was this? I think online dating might have been good before it became really popular.
All I can tell from when I did it was that it prevented commitment. At first I thought, "Wow, I should have done this sooner!" Then I saw that no matter how many messages, likes, etc I got, very few took it past the initial stages. They had so many "options" that few could find a woman they liked and stick to her.
I will keep trying but I'll pass on the online stuff.
We met online 3 yrs ago. I liked him because he asked me out the day he contacted me.
Back and forth messages online I could put up with for about 1 week. Anything longer, I did not waste my time. I stopped communicating with them because as you said, those guys hardly ever took it to the next step to ask me out.
OP, I can totally feel you, our age, conditions, experiences and even the definition for "fun stuffs" are almost the same (one more thing: I was also falling in love with someone that i shouldn't have lol) and I constantly ask myself the question.
Sometimes I wonder if we are trying too hard and worried too much. A friend told me that when we stop searching and the one would come... Idk. Perhaps you can organize trips from time to time to visit new places and people...? Sometimes it helps.
We met online 3 yrs ago. I liked him because he asked me out the day he contacted me.
Back and forth messages online I could put up with for about 1 week. Anything longer, I did not waste my time. I stopped communicating with them because as you said, those guys hardly ever took it to the next step to ask me out.
But what if you two ran into difficulties or he saw something he didn't like? Why would he try to work it out with you when he could just log back into whatever site and search for a better match, in his opinion?
I ask because I ran into this while doing online dating. I would get "ghosted" by men before we met, then saw they were online or updated their profile. The guy who texted me to end things put his profile back up and was on the site the same day.
It's all very damaging to my sense of worth in relation to men.
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