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Regardless of whether or not they do reside with you, do not marry or cohabitate with this man--even if you don't plan on mingling finances as your money will likely end up becoming the go-to place for emergencies among other things. Keep things between you as they currently are, i.e., separate residences and expenses, and you'll avoid more than few future resentments between you.
Yes- cohabitation is risky, too. Been there/done that with being the Emergency Fund because first husband spent every dime he made when he was working and then maxed out his credit cards. When we needed a new roof, when the water heater died- he was empty-handed. It could also get very bad if things cooled between you two and he didn't have the means to go elsewhere.
It's like my wife and her mother said about my finances when we were dating (but we weren't in our 60s at the time but are now). If you wait till both of you can afford to get married, you won't ever marry.
That's all well and good to say when a couple is in their twenties and thinking of building a life together (although a man who handles money poorly and lies about his finances was no more attractive to me then as he would be now, but that's just me. )
It's a whole different ball game when a couple in late middle age is thinking of merging households as there's less time to recoup any losses if and when the relationship heads south.
After many years of my boyfriend struggling to get his finances in order and with my non financial help in budgeting for him as well as financial help from a family member he tells me he is financially settled finally and we can now discuss living together and getting married.
Well here are the facts....
He has paid off all but $1000.00 of current balance cards due next month. Of course this will go up as he buys food and gas during the month.
He is current with his rent etc
He only has about $300 left in his checking account after paying bills due but will get deposits from work and a social security check so he will have much more in 2 weeks but of course end of month he needs to pay his cards, rent and car payment again.
He has a small savings account he adds to a little each month.
He says he is so settled he wants to take me to somewhere warm for a long weekend next month.
I say Really???
He is retirement age. In my head having almost no assets and a few hundred in your checking account is essentially BROKE!! Am I wrong???
Most people are pay check to pay check, especially seniors. If his basic needs are met month to month, then he's not broke. If you want a rich bf like yourself, then have courage to tell him and leave.
Don't marry him and don't live with, do not join finances.
JUST date him.
Or, make 55 threads and never follow any advice.
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Seriously. I don't understand the conundrum. If you want to marry him even though its a bad idea, do it. It's your life.
How did you ever pass the bar exam?
Weak willed? Where the heart wants one thing, the head tells you another, so you stay in stasis forever?
I don't get it.
She COULD just date him, enjoy his company but not his poverty.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
After many years of my boyfriend struggling to get his finances in order and with my non financial help in budgeting for him as well as financial help from a family member he tells me he is financially settled finally and we can now discuss living together and getting married.
Well here are the facts....
He has paid off all but $1000.00 of current balance cards due next month. Of course this will go up as he buys food and gas during the month.
He is current with his rent etc
He only has about $300 left in his checking account after paying bills due but will get deposits from work and a social security check so he will have much more in 2 weeks but of course end of month he needs to pay his cards, rent and car payment again.
He has a small savings account he adds to a little each month.
He says he is so settled he wants to take me to somewhere warm for a long weekend next month.
I say Really???
He is retirement age. In my head having almost no assets and a few hundred in your checking account is essentially BROKE!! Am I wrong???
He has righted the ship somewhat, and is looking to reward himself for doing so. Okay, cool. Take him to dinner.
It is difficult when someone approaches retirement age, they usually end up going on a budget.
Does he have a 401K that he'll take from after retirement?
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