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Old 01-05-2019, 01:42 PM
 
5 posts, read 3,870 times
Reputation: 15

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After many years of my boyfriend struggling to get his finances in order and with my non financial help in budgeting for him as well as financial help from a family member he tells me he is financially settled finally and we can now discuss living together and getting married.

Well here are the facts....

He has paid off all but $1000.00 of current balance cards due next month. Of course this will go up as he buys food and gas during the month.
He is current with his rent etc
He only has about $300 left in his checking account after paying bills due but will get deposits from work and a social security check so he will have much more in 2 weeks but of course end of month he needs to pay his cards, rent and car payment again.
He has a small savings account he adds to a little each month.

He says he is so settled he wants to take me to somewhere warm for a long weekend next month.

I say Really???

He is retirement age. In my head having almost no assets and a few hundred in your checking account is essentially BROKE!! Am I wrong???

 
Old 01-05-2019, 03:04 PM
 
Location: California side of the Sierras
11,162 posts, read 7,588,605 times
Reputation: 12523
No, you aren't wrong. Don't marry him or join finances with him.

Are you that attorney yet again?
 
Old 01-05-2019, 03:08 PM
 
5 posts, read 3,870 times
Reputation: 15
No

I can’t imagine why he thinks he can spend money and take me away. He does have a modest savings account for emergencies but a vaca isn’t it.
And what makes him so happy about his finances? Maybe it’s an act to keep “reeling” me in?..
 
Old 01-05-2019, 03:10 PM
 
24,509 posts, read 17,979,930 times
Reputation: 40204
Quote:
Originally Posted by Honesty1623 View Post
He is retirement age.

Until I read this, I thought the OP was describing a 20-something.


The pragmatic reality is that long term relationships are just as much an economic union as an emotional one. I presume retirement age means at least 60. There is an ocean full of 60-year-old fish out there for you who have managed to do basic adult things like have retirement savings, an emergency fund, an 800-ish credit score, and own their house outright. Why hitch your star on someone who is going to drag you to poverty?
 
Old 01-05-2019, 03:12 PM
 
Location: The Ozone Layer, apparently...
4,005 posts, read 2,058,752 times
Reputation: 7714
Don't you have anything to contribute; or, am I wrong for even asking that obvious question?


Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
Until I read this, I thought the OP was describing a 20-something.


The pragmatic reality is that long term relationships are just as much an economic union as an emotional one. I presume retirement age means at least 60. There is an ocean full of 60-year-old fish out there for you who have managed to do basic adult things like have retirement savings, an emergency fund, an 800-ish credit score, and own their house outright. Why hitch your star on someone who is going to drag you to poverty?

Let's be realistic Geoff. There are damned few people with an 800-ish credit score, unless this ocean is on another planet somewhere.
 
Old 01-05-2019, 03:14 PM
 
5,457 posts, read 3,334,218 times
Reputation: 12170
Quote:
Originally Posted by Honesty1623 View Post
After many years of my boyfriend struggling to get his finances in order and with my non financial help in budgeting for him as well as financial help from a family member he tells me he is financially settled finally and we can now discuss living together and getting married.

Well here are the facts....

He has paid off all but $1000.00 of current balance cards due next month. Of course this will go up as he buys food and gas during the month.
He is current with his rent etc
He only has about $300 left in his checking account after paying bills due but will get deposits from work and a social security check so he will have much more in 2 weeks but of course end of month he needs to pay his cards, rent and car payment again.
He has a small savings account he adds to a little each month.

He says he is so settled he wants to take me to somewhere warm for a long weekend next month.

I say Really???

He is retirement age. In my head having almost no assets and a few hundred in your checking account is essentially BROKE!! Am I wrong???
There is no future for you here unless you are willing to support him entirely. I highly caution you from going any further will this relationship. I did not heed my own advice and ended up with huge resentment and the relationship failed after I had seriously screwed up my own retirement fund.

This man is delusional and wants a mama.
 
Old 01-05-2019, 03:19 PM
 
5 posts, read 3,870 times
Reputation: 15
Default Reoly

So you understand the modest emergency fund has about $20,000 left in it from the family gift to him.
 
Old 01-05-2019, 03:27 PM
 
Location: Northern panhandle WV
3,007 posts, read 3,109,512 times
Reputation: 6796
What is the point of your post OP? If he has been your boyfriend for years, you already know most of what there is to know about him.
And you know you are right about him not being financially stable. Why would you want to marry him at this point anyway?
 
Old 01-05-2019, 03:27 PM
 
Location: The Ozone Layer, apparently...
4,005 posts, read 2,058,752 times
Reputation: 7714
I don't even understand why either one of you want to marry. Nevermind, where this manna from heaven in the form of a random 20K emergency fund came from.

Just live together.
 
Old 01-05-2019, 03:29 PM
 
5 posts, read 3,870 times
Reputation: 15
Default Reply

I love him but I can’t jeopardize my future with someone who is delusional or just a liar!
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