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About 8 years ago my partner of nearly 15 years discovered eBay and began selling toys on there. We weren’t struggling financially or anything, he is just a hobby enthusiast and enjoys finding the stock and preparing the sales.
As time went on though I began to notice his physical stock was taking up a lot of our home. About 5 years ago we were lucky to be in a position to finally buy our own home. I sat him down and voiced my concern about the mess and how it cannot continue to pile up in our new home. He assured me it wouldn’t happen and I believed him.
5 years later and it is a pigsty. Every room in our home is floor to ceiling with boxes, containers and bags. Our guest room bed is completely piled up with stuff and no one can ever stay over. I’m beyond humiliated when people come over.
I have spoken to him about many times and he always calls me a nag and says he’s getting to it. Recently I told him it is making me feel really depressed and affecting me. He just went on selling like I hadn’t said a word. I would never expect him to shut it down, but at least put it on hold for a few weeks to crack down on the clean up.
3 more months have passed since that conversation and it just gets worse. I don’t know what do anymore. He makes me feel guilty for not trusting he’s getting to cleaning up but it’s been 5 god damn years and the complete lack of consideration for me and my space in our home where we both pay the mortgage is really driving me crazy. He has taken over our house like it’s just his own. He refuses to put it into a storage facility and would lose his mind with me if I ever touched it and tried to move it myself. I stay awake and night and cry a lot. He’s a 53 year old man and I feel like a mother constantly telling her teenage son to clean his room. Any advice?
You can always do the ultimatum thing. Limit it to one room or Storage facility or you'll find a place of your own. If the mortgage in in both your names and you would really move out, consult an attorney
Could you move out? Maybe he'd figure out you're serious, if you moved out. Maybe stay with friends?
And when you say he'd lose his mind...do you think he'd get violent? Cause I'm wondering if you could open a storage unit, and put the stuff in there...whether he gets mad or not.
But, like I always say, ultimately, you can only change yourself. What can you do to make YOURSELF happy in this situation? To me, it'd be moving out...but for you it might be something different.
Do you have a finished basement or garage that you could agree that's his space and you can just pretend it doesn't exist? I feel badly for you. My Brother in law is the same way and it took over the entire home and his partner couldn't deal with it and took their son and left. Even then he couldn't see that he and his crap was the issue....
Sounds like he is having some issues,
As counter-intuitive as it sounds, maybe you need to stop "nagging" him and get to the bottom of the problem.
For example, maybe he's in a depression and the hoarding is the only thing (he thinks) he can control.
A little understanding goes a long way, then he would feel you were working with him rather than against him.
You need to walk away from this.He sounds like a hoarder to me.The fact that you talked to him and addressed to him your concerns and how you were feeling and he doesn't do anything about the situation...he's in his own world.It's not going to get better. You're not his mom but you feel like you are.THAT right there is why you need to leave.
This adult doesn't care how you're feeling...
Also helping this guy would ONLY work IF the guy wants to get help or talk about his issues...and it seems like that is not what he wants to do.Leave.You did all you can.
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