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The paradox of choice is a myth. This is what folks say when they're upset or disillusioned about their experiences. And one's dating pool is highly dependent on their location. That means if one is, say, mid-30s in a small-ish college town, they may experience a smaller dating pool of available 30-somethings. A recent college grad that moves to a Midwestern town for work may be met with a small dating pool if most people tend to couple-up straight out of high school or college. After factoring in one's filters and criteria, they may only have 50-100 "options" in their searches, more if they live in a metro city.
Heck, there are more "options" at your average college or university. If lack of success is an issue of too many "options" then any medium/venue that attracts a lot of singles would yield little or no success.
And I wouldn't glorify marrying straight out of high school and/or college. These relationships aren't necessarily proof of long term compatibility. A lot of people make different choices when they have fewer options.
Agree; what is more telling is the divorce rate.
OLD dating is a tool for geographical reach for those reasons you mentioned.
Ratio of eligible women to eligible men important.
Last edited by Maddie104; 01-14-2019 at 09:47 AM..
If you're 26 and you've only met 4 or 5 men in your entire life you're attracted to, OLD is NOT for you! You're seeking a one in a thousand guy, and you're meeting them one at a time. You'll go your whole life trying to get to that thousandth guy at that rate.
So. Are any of those 5 guys you find attractive available?
Believe me, I wish I weren't this way! A therapist has suggested that it may be related to my own emotional availability, which could be true but that would likely take years to unpack.
And no, those guys are either unavailable and/or I am no longer interested.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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Originally Posted by Vanillaskye
Believe me, I wish I weren't this way! A therapist has suggested that it may be related to my own emotional availability, which could be true but that would likely take years to unpack.
And no, those guys are either unavailable and/or I am no longer interested.
You have years. Many years. Start unpacking! You'll never get there unless you start.
The paradox of choice is a myth. This is what folks say when they're upset or disillusioned about their experiences..
You are highly incorrect. Not sure how you came up with that logic. People are thumbing through a large catalog of choices online. There's no cause and effect about being disillusioned. There's no correlation.
A good analogy is that of a "kid in a candy store" mentality. "Grass is always greener", etc. Of course, I had more people agree with me both on and off line, so their logic is more sound and in aligned with me.
Again not sure how you would not at least understand this abundance mentality is quite prevalent in online dating. I mean, I've had real life women tell me how full inboxes were...some had to step down from online dating because it was starting to feel like a 2nd job to them.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by ThisTown123
You are highly incorrect. Not sure how you came up with that logic.
.
She didn't come up with it. Economists that study choice widely debunked the concept of "paradox of myth" aka overhoice (and the super popular (on the web anyway)) study (and following book) that promoted it years ago.
She didn't come up with it. Economists that study choice widely debunked the concept of "paradox of myth" aka overhoice (and the super popular (on the web anyway)) study (and following book) that promoted it years ago.
Listen, they are always coming up with studies that counter previous studies for the sake of click bait articles.
There are always some "study" that attempts to debunk at least something these days. This is popular when it comes to health and diets. One day you'll read something about how a certain food is bad for you, then another article that debunks that and finds a reason you should eat that same food. Then they'll even come up with ANOTHER article to debunk THAT article...and so on. Not sure how far they take it though.
"Eating chocolate cake may actually be good for you!" (Click bait!).
This is the most recent article from Business Insider, back in May of last year:
You might still be single because of something called the 'paradox of choice' — here's what it means
In theory, it makes sense. If you're always holding out for something better, chances are you'll end up with nothing. That, or you'll realise you left all your good options in the cold, and you'll end up with someone who's wrong for you. By that logic, satisficers are more likely to end up happy.
In a blog post about this for Psychology Today, Jen Kim writes about how in modern dating life, we no longer have the feeling of scarcity, as there are always so many options at our fingertips. This doesn't just make us picky, but arguably unreasonably so.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
Listen, they are always coming up with studies that counter previous studies for the sake of click bait articles..
I am not talking about click bait articles, or pop culture pieces, which appear to be your bread and butter, but of peer reviewed published research. Thank you.
I mean, I've had real life women tell me how full inboxes were...some had to step down from online dating because it was starting to feel like a 2nd job to them.
Good lord, I'm older than methuselah and still get them. Checking in once or twice a day can take a few minutes, not because of the number of messages, but because, like in your spam folder, so many can be deleted immediately, be it 10 or 30
Once "you" are on there long enough, the spammers, at least, know you're done as do the 'regulars' .
Hang in there through that first spate (including the site generated ones)
Listen, they are always coming up with studies that counter previous studies for the sake of click bait articles.
There are always some "study" that attempts to debunk at least something these days. This is popular when it comes to health and diets. One day you'll read something about how a certain food is bad for you, then another article that debunks that and finds a reason you should eat that same food. Then they'll even come up with ANOTHER article to debunk THAT article...and so on. Not sure how far they take it though.
"Eating chocolate cake may actually be good for you!" (Click bait!).
This is the most recent article from Business Insider, back in May of last year:
You might still be single because of something called the 'paradox of choice' — here's what it means
In theory, it makes sense. If you're always holding out for something better, chances are you'll end up with nothing. That, or you'll realise you left all your good options in the cold, and you'll end up with someone who's wrong for you. By that logic, satisficers are more likely to end up happy.
In a blog post about this for Psychology Today, Jen Kim writes about how in modern dating life, we no longer have the feeling of scarcity, as there are always so many options at our fingertips. This doesn't just make us picky, but arguably unreasonably so.
Agreed highly on the "unreasonable" part.
Actually no, this only applies to certain people. Not everyone. It just shows that people are doing what they've always done: Which is change. There is no general rule or box that majority of human beings fit in. There are all different shades of gray and they possess different perceptions. YOUR perception is that you believe that people are paralyzed by the over surplus of "options, while other's perceive different. Doesn't make you "right" and it doesn't make them "wrong."
So when a new study comes out that DOES debunk the last, it's because people have changed and they are testing another demographic, which shows: people are not the same and don't fall victim to the same things. It's basic psychology.
You have years. Many years. Start unpacking! You'll never get there unless you start.
I know I have time and I'm going to try to do what I can, but I don't want to have to wait until I'm like 35 to attract a healthy relationship.
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