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The interesting thing in this case, though, is that they didn't have a relationship for most of the HS time; the relationship developed at the end, out of a friendship, if I understood the OP correctly. And the OP will be only 40 minutes away from her,, when she leaves for college; it will be easy enough for him to be physically in the same place with her on weekends.
What whatever the case is, I think there's been a failure of meaningful communication between the two, on the breakup issue, and what the OP perceives as events leading up to it. I think it would be good for the OP to get clarification of that, if only to be clear on where she stands, and why she started to pull away. It sounds like she's placing some of the blame on his insecurity, which came across to her as a lack of trust, but that overlooks the fact that she had started to pull away for, to the OP, mysterious reasons, and that's what caused his insecurity.
Anyway, I hope the OP has a chance to have a heart-to-heart talk with her. IDK, by now, presumably, she's already been in college for a semester, been home for winter holiday break, and has gone back to college.
OP, did you see each other during winter break? Did you try to see her then? Seems like there's some info missing from the picture, unless she only started college just this month.
i saw here again at my school after winter break but we didn't talk. she tends to visit at least once every month. I find this very odd since no other graduates visit this often
i saw here again at my school after winter break but we didn't talk. she tends to visit at least once every month. I find this very odd since no other graduates visit this often
Good to see you back on the thread, and have your further input. OP, are you in college? For are you finishing HS?
So, it sounds like you're wondering why she started flirting and initiated a relationship, only to dump you? So your topic isn't limited to "why do people break up after college". You're topic is more like, "Why did this girl I was friends with jerk me around by pushing for a relationship just before graduation, then dump me as she was getting ready to go off to college". Is that more accurate?
I think you should get up the nerve to pin her down, to ask her why she broke up with you. Don't let her blame it on your insecurity and subsequent suspicions of her. Explain that you were't insecure, until she started to pull away a little, and you'd like to know why she did that. And if she says something along the lines of, "because I was starting to get ready for college", then ask her why she started up with you in the first place.
These are fair questions. It sounds from your earlier posts, like she was at least pretending to be equally puzzled as you, about why the two of you broke up. She said "if we can figure this out". That's bogus. She even cried, as if she didn't want to break up with you. And she said she wanted to stay friends, but didn't even talk to you, when she visited your school? Yeah, it's reasonable to expect to be able to talk about it, calmly.
IDK. You might not get a straightforward answer. You might just have to write her off as a jerk. But after those displays of emotion on her part (was it all an act? She could win an Oscar for those performances!), it's reasonable to have a conversation, especially since she said she wanted to stay friends.
So my question, why does a individual begin feeling overwhelmingly amounts of doubt? Are they afraid of being tied down? Is it because we are teenagers with unavoidable amounts of immaturity?
What's your story?
Simple: we dated for two happy years, but knew we were going in different directions; it made sense to part on good terms, rather than prolong an inevitably painful breakup. Twenty+ years later, married to other people, we still run into each other from time to time, and there is no wierdness; just pleasant memories of carefree years.
i saw here again at my school after winter break but we didn't talk. she tends to visit at least once every month. I find this very odd since no other graduates visit this often
So, you're still in high school?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
I think you should get up the nerve to pin her down, to ask her why she broke up with you.
It's been quite a while now. This happened last summer. And if the OP is still in high school, I can understand why she broke up with him. She was leaving to go to college and live in the dorms. The OP shouldn't take that personally - even though I'm sure it's very difficult not to. She is just in a different place in life.
As for why she pushed their relationship to the next level shortly before going off to college, I don't know...but I see it happen often in movies.
Good to see you back on the thread, and have your further input. OP, are you in college? For are you finishing HS?
So, it sounds like you're wondering why she started flirting and initiated a relationship, only to dump you? So your topic isn't limited to "why do people break up after college". You're topic is more like, "Why did this girl I was friends with jerk me around by pushing for a relationship just before graduation, then dump me as she was getting ready to go off to college". Is that more accurate?
I think you should get up the nerve to pin her down, to ask her why she broke up with you. Don't let her blame it on your insecurity and subsequent suspicions of her. Explain that you were't insecure, until she started to pull away a little, and you'd like to know why she did that. And if she says something along the lines of, "because I was starting to get ready for college", then ask her why she started up with you in the first place.
These are fair questions. It sounds from your earlier posts, like she was at least pretending to be equally puzzled as you, about why the two of you broke up. She said "if we can figure this out". That's bogus. She even cried, as if she didn't want to break up with you. And she said she wanted to stay friends, but didn't even talk to you, when she visited your school? Yeah, it's reasonable to expect to be able to talk about it, calmly.
IDK. You might not get a straightforward answer. You might just have to write her off as a jerk. But after those displays of emotion on her part (was it all an act? She could win an Oscar for those performances!), it's reasonable to have a conversation, especially since she said she wanted to stay friends.
What you are saying is somewhat accurate. trying to be as unbiased as possible, while in the relationship she did mention how if she really did love me she would have to let me go. We did talk this out and as i mentioned madeout afterwards ext.
i thought we were good because surprisingly she started joking about us having kids and how she can see us spending the rest of our lives together. She even went as far as to talk about marriage.
As for your advice on confronting her about it, i personally think its too late. It been quite a while now and i suppose i just wanted to ask you guys because im curious as to why this all happened. We aren't on bad terms, in fact she reached out to me on Christmas and new years. She responds to my texts relatively fast so i don't think shes a jerk.
if i do ask her it'll be when she shows up at my hs again. she has been showing up at least once or twice a month ever since i reached out to her so i don't think it'll be long until she shows up again.
As for why she pushed their relationship to the next level shortly before going off to college, I don't know...but I see it happen often in movies.
Teenagers, even older teenagers, aren't generally known for their long-term planning and excellent interpersonal communication skills.
I read enough on the interwebs to firmly believe that if a couple is younger than 25 and have been dating for less than 6 months, they should just break up without all this angst and drama and teeth gnashing. They're young, they'll get over it.
Because people want to let the good times roll without a boat anchor around their neck.
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