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When you truly love someone, their happiness becomes more important to you than being together. The acrimony with her family is making her unhappy. For you to continue to pursue the relationship at this point would be purely selfish. If it's meant to be, you will eventually be together, but right now she has made it clear that she wants and needs to focus on her family relationships. She also needs space to consider her options and choices free from your influence. Consider that giving her that space is the most loving thing you can do.
Thank you for your reply. I think you're right.
I would like one opportunity to tell her some things I meant to say the other day but couldn't. I asked her to call me and she said she would today.
My suggestion would be take the painful process of getting over her and move on with your life. First, the age difference I think is more than 10 years old, and when that happen, in reality, any parents wouldn’t agree to it. Second, if you really love her, you don’t necessary need to be with her. Love is unconditionally care for the other, and that includes breaking up if necessary. Third, even if you two manage to get together, but the society wouldn’t really approve your relationship because of the obvious age gap. People might be talking right behind you two wherever you guys go. I can understand you don’t mind, but do you really want your love one to be discussed among other people how she is so young and you are so old. One last thing, chance of you dying before her is almost guaranteed, and you are willing to leave her as a widow? I mean we all have to die some day, but consider she has to be a widow for decades to come, how cruel is that.
Everything I said is base on my own assumption that you are way older than her, and yes, I think some time age do matter if you are 10 years older than her. I could be wrong, but I am just telling you what I think.
I would like one opportunity to tell her some things I meant to say the other day but couldn't. I asked her to call me and she said she would today.
After that, I'll start moving on.
A phone call will just drag out the drama. You really could just spare her the added pain and message her the things you think you need to say.
Those "last messages" don't always serve the purpose you intend them to. You're going to have to do some things that don't feel great right now for your own well being down the road.
Thanks so ,much for the reply. Her mom really loves her and she loves her mom. As I said, she's told me over and over that the only person she loves more than me is her mom. From what she tells me her mom is not abusive. She's supportive of my gf except in this one thing.
Her dad is another story. Her mom and dad are divorced. Her dad is basically a misfit. He doesn't have a real job. He goes from state to state finding short term work. He's an alcoholic and he's the abusive one (verbally). <snip>
I was also divorced from a verbally abusive, alcoholic first husband. My son (only child) was 12 at the time and I got him into therapy because, naturally, he was angry, confused, the whole gamut. The therapist warned me that in a situation like this, the relationship between the functioning, custodial parent and the only child can get emotionally sticky- the "you and me against the world" feelings. Mom may be afraid of losing her daughter (and even concerned about not having grandchildren) and your ex- GF may be afraid how Mom will fare if she (GF) has a loving relationship that takes up a lot of her time and energy.
For us, it turned out OK- DS is now happily married and I have two wonderful grandchildren and a third on the way. Your ex-GF and her mother may have a harder time establishing boundaries.
If y'all are so perfect for each other, WHY exactly are her parents SO opposed to you? Why can they not see that? Is her mom, who is probably about your age or even a bit younger, just a narcissist? Or is there something about you and your situation that worries them?
She thinks that we have some kind of creepy relationship where we use each other. I'm fortunate to have a good business I run and can provide my gf with things she couldn't have before. Her mom thinks I'm a "sugar daddy". I'm not - what I give my gf anyone of any age who could afford to would give if they loved someone (I cook for her when I can. I buy things when we go shopping - Target, Five Below, Home Depot), we go to neighborhood restaurants and the occasional really nice restaurant because we like good food. We don't go on shopping sprees. We don't take expensive vacations etc. We eat uber eats and watch Netflix However, her mom says that my gf is "blinded by the money" which is laughable because if that was really the case it would be obvious. My gf drives an old beat up Honda, she shops at Target and consignment stores for clothes. I gave her a nice ring but she doesn't wear it in front of her mom. If my gf wanted to take me for a ride she'd have a new car. Louboutins, Gucci, YSL. He closet would be full of dresses from Nordstroms. We'd be jetting off to Europe and asia. More importantly I would have bailed out a long time ago if I even felt a little pressure to pay for anything like that.
She's tried over and over and over again to explain to her mom that it isn't anything other than true love. But her mom won't listen.
Her mom has said that she's worried about what the rest of the family will say. One of her cousins is engaged to a much older man and all the rest of the family has turned against her calling her evil things like gold digger, sl*t, etc. So we think that that may be a contributing factor - her mom is worried about her (the mom's) image as a good mom. Like - "you let your daughter do THAT?"
My suggestion would be take the painful process of getting over her and move on with your life. First, the age difference I think is more than 10 years old, and when that happen, in reality, any parents wouldn’t agree to it. Second, if you really love her, you don’t necessary need to be with her. Love is unconditionally care for the other, and that includes breaking up if necessary. Third, even if you two manage to get together, but the society wouldn’t really approve your relationship because of the obvious age gap. People might be talking right behind you two wherever you guys go. I can understand you don’t mind, but do you really want your love one to be discussed among other people how she is so young and you are so old. One last thing, chance of you dying before her is almost guaranteed, and you are willing to leave her as a widow? I mean we all have to die some day, but consider she has to be a widow for decades to come, how cruel is that.
Everything I said is base on my own assumption that you are way older than her, and yes, I think some time age do matter if you are 10 years older than her. I could be wrong, but I am just telling you what I think.
We've never been embarrassed to be seen with each other. She even shows affection for me and although people look, she doesn't care - love remember?
She thinks that we have some kind of creepy relationship where we use each other. I'm fortunate to have a good business I run and can provide my gf with things she couldn't have before. Her mom thinks I'm a "sugar daddy". I'm not - what I give my gf anyone of any age who could afford to would give if they loved someone (I cook for her when I can. I buy things when we go shopping - Target, Five Below, Home Depot), we go to neighborhood restaurants and the occasional really nice restaurant because we like good food. We don't go on shopping sprees. We don't take expensive vacations etc. We eat uber eats and watch Netflix However, her mom says that my gf is "blinded by the money" which is laughable because if that was really the case it would be obvious. My gf drives an old beat up Honda, she shops at Target and consignment stores for clothes. I gave her a nice ring but she doesn't wear it in front of her mom. If my gf wanted to take me for a ride she'd have a new car. Louboutins, Gucci, YSL. He closet would be full of dresses from Nordstroms. We'd be jetting off to Europe and asia. More importantly I would have bailed out a long time ago if I even felt a little pressure to pay for anything like that.
She's tried over and over and over again to explain to her mom that it isn't anything other than true love. But her mom won't listen.
Her mom has said that she's worried about what the rest of the family will say. One of her cousins is engaged to a much older man and all the rest of the family has turned against her calling her evil things like gold digger, sl*t, etc. So we think that that may be a contributing factor - her mom is worried about her (the mom's) image as a good mom. Like - "you let your daughter do THAT?"
That’s a losing battle. You really need to move on and resist every urge to contact her.
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