People that break up due to not wanting kids (girls, friend, different)
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We’re couples who broke up due to one person not wanting kids and the other wanting kids really in love? When I think in love, I think of doing anything for the other person. I am skeptical of if these people were really fully in love.
You don't get to choose the person who you fall in love with but you certainly get to choose what you do with it.
If the person doesn't want kids, coercing them into a lifetime commitment isn't a show of love either. In my case, we broke up because she already had two children and she struggled tremendously as a single mother. Father/husband left her and disappeared. She wasn't emotionally/physically ready to have another and I (at the time childless) knew we would end up resenting each other for it.
It was one of the most difficult decisions I've had to make.... we were very much happy together for a long time. But I think it was the right decision. She is still in my life as a long term friend. I've watched her children grow up over the years and helped out occasionally to that end. It is very possible the issue would have driven us apart and out of each other's lives.
Obligation
Coercion
In hopes of stabilizing/cementing a relationship
To please others
etc.
There are way too many children that are coming from dysfunctional families and becoming dysfunctional adults.
Children deserved to be wanted and loved, by BOTH parents. Having one who's in and one who's out is a disaster waiting to happen. The OP is speaking about children as if they are some sort of minor consequence or obligation in terms of a loving relationship. That mindset is very dysfunctional and delusional at best.
We’re couples who broke up due to one person not wanting kids and the other wanting kids really in love? When I think in love, I think of doing anything for the other person. I am skeptical of if these people were really fully in love.
I think it’s pretty foolish to choose to bring a child into the world unless you’re both all in. It’s not like going to a movie or restaurant when you’d rather go elsewhere; it’s an irrevocable, life-long responsibility.
Jesus, that's messed up. He pretty much wasted 5 years of her life when she could have been looking for someone that genuinely wanted kids.
Did the guy not feel guilty at any point stringing her along that long? My god..
It isn't that uncommon, though.
I was with somebody for five years that would probably be considered prime childbearing ones who kept it to himself that he didn't want kids. Like in the case noted on this thread, he wasn't upfront about it because he knew the relationship would have ended before it began if he'd been honest and the incompatibility stated.
By the time it ended, I knew fully well that my window for having biological children could well have been closed due to his selfishness.
It wasn't, though. So, yay for fertile myrtle me, and yay for meeting my awesome husband.
But, yeah, selfish people who lie and misrepresent themselves for their own gain? Not that uncommon.
Love is not enough to make a relationship work. It also takes compatible lifestyles and dreams for the future.
Having children is not something that can be compromised on. You either want them or you don't. Love has nothing to do with it. I've loved quite a few men who I had to break up with because our lifestyles just couldn't work together for various reasons.
Sorry but the idea that love conquers all is a silly, made up thing from fairy tales. It doesn't apply to adult life.
For the record, going off the pill without telling a partner or purposefully getting pregnant (or getting them pregnant) against a partner's wishes is called reproductive coercion. It's a form of abuse. It's not okay, funny or cute in any way.
It took a lot of offending to get here, but in summary, sometimes love just isn't enough.
Yes, exactly, but love not being enough to overcome incompatibility doesn't mean it's not real love.
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