Have You Dated a Person Going Thru a Divorce or Dated While Divorcing? (boyfriend, marry)
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I started dating when i separated because simply put i wanted to get laid. I purposely sought out relationships with men with were in similar situations because i wasn't interested in a LTR and i needed someone who would be understanding of my situation, then i stupidly fell in love with another guy who was in the early stages of divorce.
I fully expected him to embrace his new freedom, he is a physical touch person so i expected him to move on straight away. So far neither of us have, we still talk and have slipped up. He wants us to try again but my walls are up. We do love each other dearly so i don't think our story is over.
Would i ever do that again? F**K NO! As much as i loved him and still love him i am completely drained. As a single working mom i don't get to disconnect from the world and be selfish. Maybe it will be worth it in the end but i would never wish this experience on anyone.
Ellybelly,
I'm glad you made it out of that harrowing situation intact. That was a lot just reading it - can't imagine what you went through emotionally. It does sound like you guys love each other though but I'm guessing you don't want to marry him and make it one of those relationships that would be the theme in a Lifetime Network / Hallmark Channel movie with the they-went-through-hell-but-realized-they-really-loved-each-other-and-stayed-together-happily-ever-after type ending.
It is quite common for someone to marry on the rebound. Be careful of this. Dating, who cares.
From your premise, I think a person should care (about not dating a person going through a divorce). In our (American) culture, marriage is generally preceded by dating. To avoid someone marrying you on the rebound, you shouldn't even date them to begin with since the possibility of it leading to marriage is always there.
I had just gone through the same thing with a girl who was getting divorced. They had been separated for 6 months, and we dated for 3 months during the divorce which was just finalized. She filed, but it did cause her some emotional issues and was a lot for her. I knew things would get better after the divorce, so I just kept seeing her. I also wasn't dating anyone else and was physically attracted and still liked her so I kept it going. We are still dating.
I'm glad you made it out of that harrowing situation intact. That was a lot just reading it - can't imagine what you went through emotionally. It does sound like you guys love each other though but I'm guessing you don't want to marry him and make it one of those relationships that would be the theme in a Lifetime Network / Hallmark Channel movie with the they-went-through-hell-but-realized-they-really-loved-each-other-and-stayed-together-happily-ever-after type ending.
The die hard romantic in me would love a happy ending, but just because the divorces are over it doesn't mean the battles are. Seeing my ex get engaged and then married to someone before the ink dried on our divorce papers was surprisingly traumatic for me even though our relationship was long gone. The effects on one of my kids was worse and i had him in therapy since it happened. Now we are starting a new custody battle. This guy and I stood by each other, even through the breakups we still leaned on each other. We love each other dearly but we've also put each other through the ringer, now just isn't the time to attempt a happily ever after.
I had just gone through the same thing with a girl who was getting divorced. They had been separated for 6 months, and we dated for 3 months during the divorce which was just finalized. She filed, but it did cause her some emotional issues and was a lot for her. I knew things would get better after the divorce, so I just kept seeing her. I also wasn't dating anyone else and was physically attracted and still liked her so I kept it going. We are still dating.
This is a different take than what most have said here. How is it going now? How do Has the drama died down a lot? Are you two seeing the light at the end of the tunnel?
I've dated women going through a divorce, and I dated while going through my own (which I initiated). Every situation is different, and IMO should be taken on its individual merits. Some people in divorce proceedings are not ready to date, but others are, and can be great prospects if you are patient. You do have to decide what to do, what to believe, but that's also true for dating single people, or those who have long been divorced. It is the individual you should evaluate, not necessarily their status.
This. I previously dated several men who were separated and a few of those had been separated for close to a couple years and going through divorce mediation. Even I dated while separated from my first husband. We had been living in different states for a while when our separation became official, and the state of NC requires a 12-month separation before the divorce can be finalized. I had dated plenty while we lived apart for 2+ years and I met my now-husband during that time. By the time our divorce was finalized, we hadn't lived together for three years. My husband and I married a week after it was finalized.
The chance for a healthy, solid relationship increases substantially when both parties come into it with similar expectations and emotional health. If one is in the process of divorcing, he/she is just not in the same place as the other (and will be looking to ‘lean’ or ‘take’ more). While there is plenty of time to lean on each other when the relationship has progressed over time, it’s not a good idea to have this scenario as the beginning foundation in which to build a new relationship. Ideally, you want to date someone who is emotionally healthy (and has a little time between their last relationship, divorce, etc.) and someone who is in the process of a divorce just isn’t there yet. It’s definitely when a ‘rebound relationship’ can occur.
The marriage died the day he filed and left. It’s not his fault the proceedings are taking 1.5 years to complete. Hard to blame the guy for something out of his control. Life is really very short so enjoy his company while you can.
Looking for advice from those who have dated someone who was going through a divorce. Or, a divorcee who started before your divorce was finalized. What takeaways from the experience can you share? Would you recommend a person in the midst of divorce proceedings date? Shouldn't they wait so that they don't get another people caught up in their legal and emotional issues of this magnitude?
I steer away from people going through relationship breakdown, separation or divorce.
They need time to reflect and heal, even if they think they need to be in another relationship right away.
Jumping from one relationship to another without even taking a time to think what's just happened and why, is a sure recipe for another unhappy encounter. I am definitely not going to be a part of it and strongly advise others against it.
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Then don't date either
