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And I don't know exactly what what wrong or what to think. A little background...
I met this woman back in November, so almost 8 months we've been together. She had a 9 month old baby boy. She shared 50/50 custody with the father - whom she left while pregnant, because he was caught cheating. That relationship was a whirlwind from what she told me, it happened very fast and she was pregnant within 3-4 months (by accident). The ex is bipolar from what she explained and though I was weary of an ex being in the picture, they seemed to be handling everything well.
We took things slow, and got to know each other, becoming "official" in late February. We were spending quite a bit of time together, she'd usually invite me over for dinner once during the week and then we'd spend Friday night, Saturday, and some of Sunday together. We get along great, have fun, laugh, sexually compatible, enjoy being with each other, and generally just don't have any issues. I've been great with her son, and sincerely really enjoy being with him. She's been gushing about how great I am with him, and how much he likes me. How great of a boyfriend I am, etc. etc. About 6 weeks ago we were even joking about how we haven't even had any type of fight or anything yet. Things were going about as well as I could wish, and she seemed similarly smitten.
Fast forward to about early May, she had been in a car accident back in January and has been going to therapy since then for neck & back pain. The doctors talked her into getting some type of epidural steroid shot for the pain. After a few weeks she was a bit more withdrawn, but nothing serious. Then she noticed her monthly cycle wasn't ending, and she said she was feeling more withdrawn and not herself. She read up, and I guess these were some of the more serious side effects, and can mess with your hormones. She even made a comment to me about how long was I going to put up with this, because she felt she hadn't been treating me the same, and wasn't at her best. I told her I understand, and I'm not going anywhere.
Fast forward again to earlier this month, she had got a subpoena from the ex that he was trying to get out of his support payments. I know this worried her a bit, but it didn't seem like anything thing she couldn't handle money-wise. So a few weeks back we had our first little fight. She had been over my house and was kind of getting on me for not getting some stuff done outside with the trees/repairs. I had explained I had been talking to contractors and that they weren't getting back to me, even as I kept following up. I told her to get off my back, because she kept harping about it. OK, not a big deal - we moved on. Then the next weekend she and I had another little moment of bickering. We had been hanging out that night at my house, and she again seemed very distant, as she was looking at her phone and watching videos of her son. She asked me about heating up some food, and I think she could tell I was annoyed, so I told her I was upset that she was being distant and seemed withdrawn. That she was buried in her phone. I asked her to just let me know if she's gonna be on her phone for a while when she does that, so I'm not sitting there wondering what's wrong. She got annoyed and said "so I have to tell you every time I pick up the phone?", but I think she was missing the point that I was just upset that she hasn't been as warm and inviting as usual.
So all that was about 2 weeks ago, since then she hasn't made any attempt to see each other when we normally would, and she's been way more distant. Last Friday was the only time we've really hung out since all this, and that was for a concert we had scheduled. That night she was still not as warm as usual, but we had a good time and were kissing. Now this whole week, she's hardly said much to me, so I finally got a hold of her last night to see what was up. I asked her how she was doing, how she was feeling. Which again, she was just being pretty unresponsive. She said she was filling out the paper work for the subpoena that had to be in today. I asked her when we were going to see each other again, and she says, I don't know...we haven't really been getting along lately. I was pretty stunned and didn't know what to say, other than I know we had a few little moments a few weeks ago, but nothing serious...then she's like, I don't know, maybe it's just me. So I just left it off and said, ok, well, when you want to talk, I'll be here.
Honestly, I'm really hurt because everything had been going wonderful and we both had been really excited about a future together. Now I feel like she's ready to end it...but why? I mean the arguments were pretty basic, no screaming or yelling. I know she worries a lot about the baby when he's with the father, she misses him, and she's worried about the court date. Also, who know if the shots are still effecting her. It just came out of left field to me, because she had never indicated any unhappiness with me, only how much she adored me. If anything, she was worried about how long I'd put up with her stuff. I don't know what to do or think at this point, other than to give her space?
I don't think that's the case. She was married for 7 years. This guy cheated on her while she was pregnant, I think that's a pretty good reason to leave, on top of the verbal abuse she said she was taking.
She's 39 and I'm 40, btw. It's not like we're unstable teens or something.
Middle age doesn’t preclude people from being unstable.
The infatuation period is over, and now you’re experiencing reality.
You ignored quite a few red flags in the beginning to get to this point. I would let things lie, heed those red flags next time and yes, pray she’s not pregnant.
You’re seeing who she really is.
It could be the stress of her situation adding to her mood swings or just who she is now that she’s gotten comfortable around you. Either way, she’s is showing you what you have to deal with being involved with her.
Middle age doesn’t preclude people from being unstable.
The infatuation period is over, and now you’re experiencing reality.
You ignored quite a few red flags in the beginning to get to this point. I would let things lie, heed those red flags next time and yes, pray she’s not pregnant.
Exactly what red flags? She handled everything very well up until this subpoena stress-wise. She's not pregnant. It seems it's more likely it's all the stress with this court thing, the baby daddy, and the shots messing with her hormones. Believe me, I've been in some bad relationships, and I made a list of things I wanted in a woman. She is very stable, a teacher, owns her own place, responsible, very loving, treated me like gold pretty much up until this. The only things I had on my list was if I meant someone with a kid, I'd prefer if the ex was not in the picture at all. But, I made an exception because everything else was just right, and things appeared cordial enough with the ex.
Didn't you find it strange that a brand new mother would be on a dating site?
Or that she had both an ex-husband and a fresh babydaddy?
Do I find it odd, that a woman almost 40 was married for 7 years, and 8 years after a divorce met someone they fell for and had a baby? No, I don't find that strange. Most people by that age have been in quite a few relationships and have some baggage.
Op, she's dealing with a lot of crud and baggage from a bad marriage with her ex. Not to mention she had just had a baby.
If I were her, I'd be stressed out too. I think you are ignoring a lot of obvious. You're making everything about you and not even taking into consideration the stuff she's dealing with. I'm surprised she started dating as early as she did.
She's clearly not in the position to nurture a relationship with a new man.
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