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I remember a thread here a while back where some woman was complaining about a guy always having to talk to and consult with his family on too many things and him spending time on the phone with his family everyday, at least something along those lines as it was a little while ago.
Do you remember what she said if somebody asked "So, how did you miss this behavior during dating" ?
On the contrary. There's a Catholic prep in my area that charges higher tuition than the local state university. However, its teachers are paid less than local public school teachers (who themselves don't make a killing). I've never been sure how that works, either. I think a lot of the tuition money goes right to the diocese.
Maybe it was Montessori then? I recall talking to a Montessori teacher and she told me she gets paid big time compared to public schools in her area. Or is still under the wheel house of private?
I would think it would be a turnoff in anyone. I would wonder what they had against living alone.
I would also be aware that it might make any sort of relationship awkward, if you can't go over to her place (unless you want to hang out with Mom) and she might not be able to come to yours without having to make long explanations to Mom later. Makes socialization difficult even on a basic level, never mind if things turn sexual.
Many issues could be possible here-- she might move out but can't cut the apron strings as much as a person living on their own should (look, my mom and I were really close, but we also had our separate lives). Her living at home could be compounded by her mom not realizing she's not a little kid anymore and doesn't have to account for everything she does or "get permission" (see first paragraph), etc.
If it comes down to not wanting to live alone... as others have said, I'd wonder why. For financial reasons, I could see why you might choose parent(s) as roommate(s) since they're a known quantity you're used to living with, as opposed to strangers you might come to despise and be miserable with (parents could be the same way but you know them better to start with). But if a person simply doesn't want to live alone, I would wonder at that and at their independence level. I'm not sure if I'd want to get involved with someone who could not be independent; partly it's that I'd wonder if I was to be their "crutch" rather than someone they wanted to be with simply for the sake of being with me (I did codependence once. Never again will I get involved with someone who's more likely to need me than to want me freely-- after all, you can need someone without actually liking them). It reminds me of people I've known who got married right out of high school and had a hard time when the divorce came (or, wouldn't divorce when they should)-- my mom always said it was because they didn't know how to be on their own and now they were in their 30s or 40s and scared to do it for the first time.
I think there are few differences between men and women still living at home at later ages, but one difference is that men are probably less likely to be independent in terms of doing their own housework; mommy still does it for them (less likely with women because they're already expected to do it anyway, though there are some exceptions). Men who've lived on their own have had to learn to cook and clean for themselves.
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Originally Posted by TenderFrost
Of course it would be different! Showing you can live with a complete stranger shows you are capable of exerting uncomfortable effort to reach reasonable compromise. But a forever home (irrelevant if they moved to a different physical house) from when you were a kid ? If she never broke that bond (and it is a painful bond to break), she'd be like an Alien in this world. I could not, possibly, remotely, begin to respect her.
What if she had lived alone but never had a roommate? Wouldn't she still be lacking in those "can live with a complete stranger shows you are capable of exerting uncomfortable effort to reach reasonable compromise" skills? Or is that also not okay?
Here's an interesting turn of the tables, met this mid-40s woman that still lives with her mother. I had asked her if her mother was ill or something and she says she's never lived alone and doesn't like to live by herself.
She is a successful private school teacher, so obviously does well financially , but chooses to never live alone. As a man, this really doesn't bother me, but I'm guessing this was a man, same situation...would this be a turn off for a 40-something woman?
I would think if you were with her long enough for a conversation about her living with her mother and doesn't like to live by herself that you would have asked "Oh, where do you teach?" "What grade?" "What subject?" In any case, I would think it was weird no matter the gender and would have no interest in dating someone who never lived independently. I find that an odd conversation (the never lived alone, doesn't like to live by herself) in the early stages of a potential relationship, and also find asking re the mother, "Is she sick?" just as odd.
I'd guess women would get more of a pass because it's most probable that a woman living home with her mother is contributing to housework, cooking, shopping and the general running of the household. A 40-something man living with his mother might conjure up an image of a man baby who has mommy doing his laundry, all the cooking and the guy does very little. Not saying it's right to think that way but that's reality.
You'd think so, yet it appears, quite a few people here think she might actually be a catch.
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Originally Posted by K12144
I would also be aware that it might make any sort of relationship awkward, if you can't go over to her place (unless you want to hang out with Mom) and she might not be able to come to yours without having to make long explanations to Mom later. Makes socialization difficult even on a basic level, never mind if things turn sexual.
Yep. Can you imagine her saying :"Gotta go, I really should be home by 10. I don't want to upset my Mom". It's like an SNL sketch
Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144
Many issues could be possible here-- she might move out but can't cut the apron strings as much as a person living on their own should (look, my mom and I were really close, but we also had our separate lives). Her living at home could be compounded by her mom not realizing she's not a little kid anymore and doesn't have to account for everything she does or "get permission" (see first paragraph), etc.
If it comes down to not wanting to live alone... as others have said, I'd wonder why. For financial reasons, I could see why you might choose parent(s) as roommate(s) since they're a known quantity you're used to living with, as opposed to strangers you might come to despise and be miserable with (parents could be the same way but you know them better to start with). But if a person simply doesn't want to live alone, I would wonder at that and at their independence level. I'm not sure if I'd want to get involved with someone who could not be independent; partly it's that I'd wonder if I was to be their "crutch" rather than someone they wanted to be with simply for the sake of being with me (I did codependence once. Never again will I get involved with someone who's more likely to need me than to want me freely-- after all, you can need someone without actually liking them). It reminds me of people I've known who got married right out of high school and had a hard time when the divorce came (or, wouldn't divorce when they should)-- my mom always said it was because they didn't know how to be on their own and now they were in their 30s or 40s and scared to do it for the first time.
I simply have nothing to add
Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144
I think there are few differences between men and women still living at home at later ages, but one difference is that men are probably less likely to be independent in terms of doing their own housework; mommy still does it for them (less likely with women because they're already expected to do it anyway, though there are some exceptions). Men who've lived on their own have had to learn to cook and clean for themselves.
Cooking has to be the single most overrated skill in classical marriage. I was married for 2 decades and must have heard it about 7 billion times "how good I have it". It was incredibly shocking to me, after separation, and figuring it on my own, that cooking not only was not a big deal, but how simple, easy and primitive it actually is.
You just slap ingredients together in 5-10 minutes, turn the oven on, go walk the dog, come back and out comes delicious meal. It's the oven doing the cooking, not the human. But, it's a great learning experience.
Fun fact, since our separation 3 years ago, I didn't have to eat reheated meal even once. No stress either. Each meal I cook is simmering fresh. Every.Single.Day.
As far as cleaning is concerned, if you're working a day job, there's nobody making the mess at home. So, if you aren't messy, it's real simple to keep it reasonably clean. But if your SO is at home, that's never the case.
Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144
What if she had lived alone but never had a roommate? Wouldn't she still be lacking in those "can live with a complete stranger shows you are capable of exerting uncomfortable effort to reach reasonable compromise" skills? Or is that also not okay?
Well, dating without roommate, as you said, is much easier. I wouldn't really care that she never had a roommate, because if she's been on her own whole this time , we'd figure out quickly how much of a match we are (as far as cohabitating is concerned).
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