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As a man, this really doesn't bother me, but I'm guessing this was a man, same situation...would this be a turn off for a 40-something woman?
Yes. Turn off but for any sex.
I think I'd be more bothered by not finding any other roommates, ie. friends and choosing to live with your mom than anything. But I have never had such a close relationship with a mother so its a relationship I can never truly understand.
IDK, I think for a woman it can make some sense. Here this person isn't some pot smoking lay about without a job. She's a school teacher.
if her and old mom are living together it could be a mutually beneficial thing.
Note, could be, without knowing the person in real life I say this.
Some women are really close with their mothers, so it can be like a roommate/friend situation more than a parent/child one.
The bigger issue is probably more codependency than proximity. One of my coworkers is one from one of those families where everyone lives within a half mile of each other in the same part of town, and has for generations. She's single and doesn't live with her parents, but her day-to-day life is completely enmeshed with her family. Anyone dating her has to be party to that.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
The bigger issue is probably more codependency than proximity. One of my coworkers is one from one of those families where everyone lives within a half mile of each other in the same part of town, and has for generations. She's single and doesn't live with her parents, but her day-to-day life is completely enmeshed with her family. Anyone dating her has to be party to that.
Fair amount of those in Rhode Island. I need to screen that crud out fast.
Some women are really close with their mothers, so it can be like a roommate/friend situation more than a parent/child one.
The bigger issue is probably more codependency than proximity. One of my coworkers is one from one of those families where everyone lives within a half mile of each other in the same part of town, and has for generations. She's single and doesn't live with her parents, but her day-to-day life is completely enmeshed with her family. Anyone dating her has to be party to that.
This. I had a friend who remained very attached to her parents. She would drive out of town to visit them fairly often, during her college days, and throughout adulthood. She said at one point, that her relationships didn't work out, because nobody could compare to how her parents loved her. When her parents passed away, she really slipped, mentally. And she never developed good social skills, because her parents were such a big part of her social life.
Sad. So, OP, we don't know anything about this woman, and it wouldn't be fair to pre-judge her, but the living at home in her 40's might be an orange flag.
Hell yes it would be a turn-off for me...as it SHOULD be for a man as well.It's one thing if the person is living at home with the parent because of them being ill and it helps them out a lot...that's different.BUT if a grown ass woman or man lives at home with a healthy parent because the woman or man doesn't want to live alone???Well that would open up all kinds of issues if you were to choose to date someone like that.Leave them be and find someone else.
I think that for some reason it's more of a stigma for a guy to be leaving at home with Ma. Women, probably not as much. I would imagine safety concerns of being a single woman on her own might be an issue. I don't know.
^^^^ This.
In some cultures, it's frowned upon for unmarried women to live alone if there is room at the family house.
I'd want to know more about the specifics of the living arrangement. Is her contribution to home finances and upkeep that of an adult living with another adult? Or is it that of a perpetual adolescent who still relies on her mother?
Is she from an ethnic family that tends to have adult children stay at home until they get married? That might mitigate it, but I'd still have questions about her ability to be the kind of independent adult I'd want as a partner.
Those are some good points. If it's a high-COL area and Mom would otherwise be living by herself in a big house and the daughter would have to live in a ghetto it makes all the sense in the world.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TenderFrost
The amount of skills you learn by yourself is staggering.
...
Very true. I've always mentally connected better with people that have uprooted themselves and started over a few times as independent adults. Taking it a step further from living on one's own, but the experience of picking oneself up and relocating to a place without a support system and building a live and social system from scratch and knowing you can do it again does wonders.
These things have to be taken on a case by case basis.
Maybe she had a lot of debt from school or medical reasons and she's living there to become debt free faster.
Maybe her and her family are very traditional and women don't move out till marriage. A lot of my friends lived at home till marriage
Maybe she fears living alone in the part of town she can afford.
Maybe her MOM fears living alone.
Maybe she wants/hopes/plans to get married in the near future and doesn't want to invest in a house just to possibly have to sell it.
I guess I'm weird, I'd rather live with my mom than a random roommate. I do prefer living alone, though
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