Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
About a year and a half ago I met the love of my life. He is kind, smart funny, talented and knows exactly how to love me. I would not ever want to be without him. We were friends for a long while and have started dating within the last few months. I held off on telling him how I felt about him for so long for a few reasons. The first being that we worked together and I was already seeing another coworker romantically, and the second being that he is five years younger than me and I’ve never experienced dating a younger man before. Anyway, the time came where I couldn’t keep my feelings inside anymore and told him. Since then I’ve experienced what I can describe as the best, most fulfilling relationship of my life. However, there is one rather glaring problem, and yes, it is related to our age gap.
The problem is that I really want kids and I’m worried that he won’t be ready by the time my “clock” runs out. We live in a very expensive city where having kids is irresponsible if you’re not well established career wise. I am personally not because I spent a long time trying to please my parents in jobs that weren’t a good fit, as well as taking care of an ex boyfriend financially for three years. He is working on a career currently and shows promise, but it’s an extremely cutthroat industry and the pay is so low that it forces me to have to take a high paying waitress job to get all our bills paid. This makes it so that I can’t explore my career options until he gets where he wants to be. I know he can do it but the thought of this lifestyle for a few more years terrifies me. I expressed this to him today and I could tell he was really hurt and feels like I don’t trust him or maybe that I feel like he won’t succeed. I know he will but I’m worried that it might be too late for us to have kids by the time that happens. For me, 36-37 is too late considering all the risks involved with pregnancy in older women. I am worried I’m making him miserable and being a bad girlfriend. I don’t know what to do or where to start with this issue. Please help. I love him so much.
Something rather glaring sticks out in your post (at least to me): You've only begun dating within the last few months, but you've taken on a high-paying waitressing gig to get all of **our**bills paid? How was he managing to cover his own bills prior to the two of you going from just friends to in a relationship?
As much as you love him, you have a history of taking care of boyfriends financially and it seems as though you might have begun the pattern anew with this new love of yours while putting your own career, happiness, and personal life goals on hold in favor of his.
The age gap is not the issue here, O.P.
I also noticed from your previous posts that you work in the restaurant industry. First of all, as tempting as it is to do so given the long hours, camaraderie, and close quarters, you really need to stop dating your coworkers. Also, at your age, you need to buckle down and get your own career on track without worrying about financially supporting your romantic partner. Is he working in the back of the house as well, or is he a server? Also (and this is pertinent to your situation), if he works in the back of the house, is he planning on being a "lifer?"
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 01-29-2019 at 05:43 PM..
He was living with his parents when we began dating and helps them out financially with most of his paycheck. He moved in with my brother and I and I started paying a larger share of the rent to make sure that my brother would be comfortable with the situation. He will only be helping his parents out financially for another year but until he starts making a lot more money the situation is unlikely to change. I know he doesn’t want to live with his parents, and I want him with me. He also doesn’t know how to drive and I’m order to save money on Ubers, I’ve been driving him to and from work almost every day.
Something rather glaring sticks out in your post (at least to me): You've only begun dating within the last few months, but you've taken on a high-paying waitressing gig to get all of **our**bills paid? How was he managing to cover his own bills prior to the two of you going from just friends to in a relationship?
As much as you love him, you have a history of taking care of boyfriends financially and it seems as though you might have begun the pattern anew with this new love of yours while putting your own career, happiness, and personal life goals on hold in favor of his.
The age gap is not the issue here, O.P.
I also noticed from your previous posts that you work in the restaurant industry. First of all, as tempting as it is to do so given the long hours, camaraderie, and close quarters, you really need to stop dating your coworkers. Also, at your age, you need to buckle down and get your own career on track without worrying about financially supporting your romantic partner. Is he working in the back of the house as well, or is he a server?
He is back of the house, as was I before the job change. Money was the main reason for the change in jobs. I feel like I’m too old to be making just a few dollars an hour over the minimum wage. Yes he is a “lifer” he wants to become a chef and always has.
Last edited by Musicatavl; 01-29-2019 at 05:48 PM..
Reason: Forgot to answer your question
"...I’m worried that he won’t be ready by the time my “clock” runs out."
freeze your eggs. use them, or not, but there is that option.
"but it costs too much money."
there is not a free option
which i know about.
He is back of the house, as was I before the job change. Money was the main reason for the change in jobs. I feel like I’m too old to be making just a few dollars an hour over the minimum wage. Yes he is a “lifer” he wants to become a chef and always has.
If you're both industry, you can navigate your career options together if you're planning on being a "lifer" as well. What are your professional goals? If you wait too long, you're going to lose a lot of steam that you cannot afford to waste.
Also, once his year of helping out his parents financially comes to an end, be sure that he steps up to the plate and begins to fully contribute to your household expenses. No excuses, ifs, ands, or buts.
Is he at least a sous?
I'm not trying to either pry or be cruel, but am trying to make you aware that to hang your dream of motherhood on a months' long relationship with a man who is not within spitting distance of your life stage might be a mistake.
Being at a similar stage in life is far more important than being close in chronological age when it comes to setting up a relationship for success.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 01-29-2019 at 06:04 PM..
About a year and a half ago I met the love of my life. He is kind, smart funny, talented and knows exactly how to love me. I would not ever want to be without him. We were friends for a long while and have started dating within the last few months. I held off on telling him how I felt about him for so long for a few reasons. The first being that we worked together and I was already seeing another coworker romantically, and the second being that he is five years younger than me and I’ve never experienced dating a younger man before. Anyway, the time came where I couldn’t keep my feelings inside anymore and told him. Since then I’ve experienced what I can describe as the best, most fulfilling relationship of my life. However, there is one rather glaring problem, and yes, it is related to our age gap.
The problem is that I really want kids and I’m worried that he won’t be ready by the time my “clock” runs out. We live in a very expensive city where having kids is irresponsible if you’re not well established career wise. I am personally not because I spent a long time trying to please my parents in jobs that weren’t a good fit, as well as taking care of an ex boyfriend financially for three years. He is working on a career currently and shows promise, but it’s an extremely cutthroat industry and the pay is so low that it forces me to have to take a high paying waitress job to get all our bills paid. This makes it so that I can’t explore my career options until he gets where he wants to be. I know he can do it but the thought of this lifestyle for a few more years terrifies me. I expressed this to him today and I could tell he was really hurt and feels like I don’t trust him or maybe that I feel like he won’t succeed. I know he will but I’m worried that it might be too late for us to have kids by the time that happens. For me, 36-37 is too late considering all the risks involved with pregnancy in older women. I am worried I’m making him miserable and being a bad girlfriend. I don’t know what to do or where to start with this issue. Please help. I love him so much.
Fish or cut bait but more than likely you’ll have to cut.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
