People using your past against you (date, how to, women, single)
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If you think it's a potential deal breaker better to bring it up early or bring it up never. Either let him go in to the deal with eyes wide open or keep him in the dark forever. Judging people is one thing, but people have the right to refuse to pursue a relationship with someone for any reason they want.
I was a gleeful participant in the sexual revolution in the 1970s. I lost count of the number of men I was with. No drugs (except I "inhaled" on occasion), never got pregnant, no trouble with the law. I am now almost 66 and a practicing Christian with two marriages behind me, one ending in divorce and one when my second husband died. Except for one lapse when the first marriage was going down in flames, I was a good and faithful wife during 2 13-year marriages. Who would have thought it given my track record, right? So much for Dr. Phil's "Predictor".
Your post moved me because when I look back I see that many of my relationship choices were men who weren't good enough because I thought *I* wasn't good enough, Why would any decent man want used merchandise? So, I'd latch onto guys with no ambition who would let me pick up the check, and one guy who was sleeping with me one night and his HS sweetheart the next, but punched his fist through a wall when I told him I'd been with another guy. I was so blind I didn't see the hypocrisy.
Value what you are now. Even the bad stuff is part of what got you here. Do NOT let a man put you down because of it. If he torments you with it or wants all the gory details, leave. My first husband would occasionally remind me of my past, but then he knew it was a sore point and liked pushing people's buttons. My second husband was a dear man who loved me as I was and trusted me- with very good reason. We were together a total of 20 years and I was never even tempted by another man.
Set your standards high. Find someone who treats you well. If your current BF can't deal with the truth, move on. It's his loss.
I will never understand why anyone's self-worth is tied to the number of sexual partners, assuming the partners were willing participants and no one was hurt or cheated on. I can think of many other things that would make someone an unworthy partner. My husband and I never discussed our sexual history when dating or through our entire marriage -- 30 plus years. We are both good people with good values and that is all we needed to know.
For Belle's sake, I'm wondering what are the kinds of things people think would need to be brought up to be thought of as being "honest" versus things that have no need of being "confessed" and it's okay to consider them as truly personal.
I will never understand why anyone's self-worth is tied to the number of sexual partners, assuming the partners were willing participants and no one was hurt or cheated on
You weren't taught by nuns, were you? It took me some therapy to move beyond that.
I'm wondering what she's done that she's so ashamed of.
People are often ashamed of things that no one else would even blink at - self-appraisal can be quite subjective and overly negative. Which is why I'd be interested to know the kinds of things they think need to be shared.
Here are a few easy ones - You:
have HIV...
Have kids...
Have major health issues that affect your ability to be an equal partner in a relationship....
I'm wondering what she's done that she's so ashamed of.
Yes me too.
Belle are you referring to your past relationship with the guy who was paying you?
If you now have a high paying, respectable job as you stated in the Christmas spending thread, just keep your mouth shut re: your recent past. He has no need to know.
Hope you are in comm college as you posted; that will make you look good, too. As well it should!
I don’t lead the conversation with a new guy in my life by thinking up the worst thing or worst decisions that ever happened to me. Why would that be necessary?
Only if it’s serious and we have a chance of running into a past customer, and I was a drug dealer, user, or prostitute would I think it’s necessary to prepare someone by confessing. Maybe if I have a warrant I would give them the heads up, or I’m on probation and can’t enter establishments serving alcohol. If I’m not allowed within a certain distance of schools or young children. If I have an Active stalker. Have been to prison maybe.
None of those things have happened, nothing else to judge me on, we all live and learn.
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