Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-30-2019, 09:12 AM
 
Location: Posting from my space yacht.
8,452 posts, read 4,733,154 times
Reputation: 15354

Advertisements

If you think it's a potential deal breaker better to bring it up early or bring it up never. Either let him go in to the deal with eyes wide open or keep him in the dark forever. Judging people is one thing, but people have the right to refuse to pursue a relationship with someone for any reason they want.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-30-2019, 09:52 AM
 
3,125 posts, read 1,576,467 times
Reputation: 8263
Quote:
Originally Posted by athena53 View Post
I was a gleeful participant in the sexual revolution in the 1970s. I lost count of the number of men I was with. No drugs (except I "inhaled" on occasion), never got pregnant, no trouble with the law. I am now almost 66 and a practicing Christian with two marriages behind me, one ending in divorce and one when my second husband died. Except for one lapse when the first marriage was going down in flames, I was a good and faithful wife during 2 13-year marriages. Who would have thought it given my track record, right? So much for Dr. Phil's "Predictor".

Your post moved me because when I look back I see that many of my relationship choices were men who weren't good enough because I thought *I* wasn't good enough, Why would any decent man want used merchandise? So, I'd latch onto guys with no ambition who would let me pick up the check, and one guy who was sleeping with me one night and his HS sweetheart the next, but punched his fist through a wall when I told him I'd been with another guy. I was so blind I didn't see the hypocrisy.

Value what you are now. Even the bad stuff is part of what got you here. Do NOT let a man put you down because of it. If he torments you with it or wants all the gory details, leave. My first husband would occasionally remind me of my past, but then he knew it was a sore point and liked pushing people's buttons. My second husband was a dear man who loved me as I was and trusted me- with very good reason. We were together a total of 20 years and I was never even tempted by another man.

Set your standards high. Find someone who treats you well. If your current BF can't deal with the truth, move on. It's his loss.
I will never understand why anyone's self-worth is tied to the number of sexual partners, assuming the partners were willing participants and no one was hurt or cheated on. I can think of many other things that would make someone an unworthy partner. My husband and I never discussed our sexual history when dating or through our entire marriage -- 30 plus years. We are both good people with good values and that is all we needed to know.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2019, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,283,321 times
Reputation: 50370
For Belle's sake, I'm wondering what are the kinds of things people think would need to be brought up to be thought of as being "honest" versus things that have no need of being "confessed" and it's okay to consider them as truly personal.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2019, 10:20 AM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,659,779 times
Reputation: 54735
I'm wondering what she's done that she's so ashamed of.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2019, 10:26 AM
 
4,717 posts, read 3,251,941 times
Reputation: 12122
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maddie104 View Post
I will never understand why anyone's self-worth is tied to the number of sexual partners, assuming the partners were willing participants and no one was hurt or cheated on
You weren't taught by nuns, were you? It took me some therapy to move beyond that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2019, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,283,321 times
Reputation: 50370
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
I'm wondering what she's done that she's so ashamed of.
People are often ashamed of things that no one else would even blink at - self-appraisal can be quite subjective and overly negative. Which is why I'd be interested to know the kinds of things they think need to be shared.

Here are a few easy ones - You:
have HIV...
Have kids...
Have major health issues that affect your ability to be an equal partner in a relationship....

continue...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2019, 10:35 AM
 
Location: NY>FL>VA>NC>IN
3,563 posts, read 1,870,963 times
Reputation: 5996
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
I'm wondering what she's done that she's so ashamed of.
Yes me too.

Belle are you referring to your past relationship with the guy who was paying you?

If you now have a high paying, respectable job as you stated in the Christmas spending thread, just keep your mouth shut re: your recent past. He has no need to know.

Hope you are in comm college as you posted; that will make you look good, too. As well it should!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2019, 11:06 AM
 
Location: Gila County Arizona
990 posts, read 2,549,506 times
Reputation: 2420
Question:..... Is it fair to him, to conceal your past.

What do you think will happen when it comes out..... AND... it always comes out.

Why drag him into a web of lies and deceit.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2019, 11:29 AM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,659,779 times
Reputation: 54735
So is it true? Our precocious gal now has a high paying career and is enrolled in college? Just amazing!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2019, 11:37 AM
 
10,341 posts, read 5,842,316 times
Reputation: 17884
I don’t lead the conversation with a new guy in my life by thinking up the worst thing or worst decisions that ever happened to me. Why would that be necessary?

Only if it’s serious and we have a chance of running into a past customer, and I was a drug dealer, user, or prostitute would I think it’s necessary to prepare someone by confessing. Maybe if I have a warrant I would give them the heads up, or I’m on probation and can’t enter establishments serving alcohol. If I’m not allowed within a certain distance of schools or young children. If I have an Active stalker. Have been to prison maybe.

None of those things have happened, nothing else to judge me on, we all live and learn.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:37 PM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top