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Hello, I'm coming back because I'm struggling, again..
I'm talking to a guy on the internet, we've been talking about deep and personal stuff about each other right away without going through the basic questions, it's been 3/4 days now (it is on a website where people talk about their problems, if you're wondering).
On the site I made a post on what I am looking for in a relationship and other stuff, and he did too. We both read each other's post and if he's not so dumb he probably knows that he's kind of the type I'm interested in.
So we've been talking about grown and deep stuff and that was really cool but the conversation is starting to die.. He gave me the impression that he still wanted to talk but I don't know what I should do now. For example yesterday night the conversation completely died. I responded to his message and not a while after he logged in but didn't answer. Then, surprisingly, he revived the conversation the day after by asking a brain new question about me. (I felt like he didn't want the conversation to die).
You gotta know that when I started talking to him my intention wasn't to hit on him, he's an interesting person (+++) and I just want to get to know him more.
What I know is that he's looking for a girl to share deep and meaningful stuff with him and not just some superficial relationship (he said in his post) and he knows that it is the same for me.
I really want to get to know THE him on a daily basis but I don't want him to believe that I want more than just talk. Maybe he only wants us to share our deep and personal stuff and that's all, so I'm hesitant to ask him about basic questions and I don't want it to be awkward.
This post is so dumb and stupid you can all insult me..... Knowing that I am the most anxious person on this planet (not joking) and that I don't want to give the wrong impression what would you do?
So basically I keep all my personal stuff to myself, I've never liked to share my feelings and thoughts directly to someone. When I do talk to someone about personal stuff then that's meaningful to me.
I have that friend I really like and most of the time she talks to me about her guy crush, it's been months now and the guy clearly doesn't give a **** about her but she's still believing something could happen..Sometimes I try to tell her to give up without hurting her feelings, and yesterday again I told her "wow you're still onto this guy?" after she talked to me A LOT about him again. I felt like she was hurt because she answered 1 hour later.
I met this guy online and I told her right away about him. After a few days talking to that guy I wanting to share some stuff with my friend but I hesitated a lot because I'm always scared to annoy people.
My first intention isn't to date the guy but he seems to be a really interesting person so I really want to get to know him more without expecting something with him at the end. Quite complicated situation, but I wanted to ask him personal questions without him thinking I was hitting on him. (way more complicated but thats enough).
I told my friend what I felt about all this, not wanting to date him but still wanting to talk to him and desperately not wanting to let the conversation with him die so I asked her for advice.
She told me such things as :
"you're making up stories in your head when in reality nothing's happening between you" : I told her I didn't expect a relationship with him, I jus wanted to talk because for the first time I found a person like me, so what's that
"at the rate it's going he'll stop talking to you in a few days" : basically she said that because at a certain point the conversation with the guy died (I thought forever) but then 24 hours later he revived the conversation when he didn't have to if he didn't want to talk anymore
She said some other stuff like that, discouraging me for no reason when I only ask her where I could lead the conversation in order not to let it die. She knows that this guy is my "ideal type" so that REALLY means something to me. Maybe because her relationship isn't working she deliberately tried to make me feel bad about "mine", I've always acted supportive when she had crushes on guys, and her telling me all that negative stuff out of nowhere when in reality she's the one that is making up stories in her head and hoping for relationships that will never happen.. I can accept the truth when it's needed but I saw no reason for her to say all that negative stuff when I just ask her for an advice.
I don't know if I should tell her because I know how I'll react, I won't talk to her for days or more, I'd be so mad I'll ignore her texts and all. What should I do?
Is there any chance this relationship could progress beyond the internet? Would you want it to?
When I said "superficial relationship" ? For example, when you date someone for the only reasons that the person is cool, handsome and funny when in reality you don't truly know who the person is inside and if it could really work between you. I know grown people don't do that in general but people my age tend to act like that.
And in a more general way, talking 24/7 about daily basic stuff with someone without getting deep sometimes is quite superficial to me.
I barely know nothing about all the basic stuff about him (hobbies, personal interests, music tastes etc), only very personal stuff. And as a result I have no idea where he lives, well I know he lives in my tiny country but nothing more.
I have no idea, because I don't know what he feels about all this and my point isn't to rush things or to make something happen. It's just cool talking to him and getting to know him. I'm not sure I want this relationship to be a real thing right away, because I have things I need to fix on myself before "giving myself to someone". It doesn't bother me to go slow. All I know for sure is that I've been wanting to meet a soul like his for so long that letting him go would be dumb.
He seems to be talking when he is bored, then his interest just die. Not into you, obviously.
Try to meet people in real life, not on the Internet. Don't you know any guys from school or activities? Or friends of your friends?
you're only 18 y.o. - way too young to look for guys on the Internet.
BTW: please do not start new threads about the same topic.
He seems to be talking when he is bored, then his interest just die. Not into you, obviously.
Try to meet people in real life, not on the Internet. Don't you know any guys from school or activities? Or friends of your friends?
you're only 18 y.o. - way too young to look for guys on the Internet.
BTW: please do not start new threads about the same topic.
As I said we've been talking for days about a specific subject and I feel like we said it all about that topic that is why I feel like the conversation is dying. I am not letting him find out that I have an other interest except talking about these stuff, then maybe it's the same for him. He's been hurt, I've been hurt so I don't know.
I don't know if you really read what I said but I don't have the intention to seduce, date him or whatever. It's just that I've felt lonely and out of place my entire life and now I am finally meeting someone like me. We've been talking about stuff so deep directly that it would be so weird to talk about normal stuff. But maybe it is destined to end, here, right now.
I totally hate people my age and I have social anxiety. I am not looking for superficial relationships and I know that in real life if I ever meet someone that's what I'm going to find. I wasn't specifically looking for someone on the internet but I randomly found this guy that is the same as me, that has the same perspectives on life as me, that is going through the same problems I do and has the same struggles I have.
I've been struggling my whole life to make decent relationships because I've always felt different. Being alone all those years made me realize the type of people I want in my life and I unfortunately have high standards. Even though a boy is handsome, kind, funny I know that it could never work with me if I can't go deep with that person and have nothing in return. The only way to really know who I am is by talking about the deep **** that's inside my heart and my head, and I know that a few people could understand me, that is why in real life no one knows me. And it makes me wonder if I'll ever find someone in the near future. I'm not going to talk deeply with every guy until I find the good one, I know that's so messed up..
You're saying I'm too young but to me the soul doesn't have an age. I am maybe 18, but with everything I've been through I feel like an old person inside. And I don't see the problem to be looking for people like me on the internet if it's a real struggle to find people to connect with in real life.
You need professional therapy and learn how to interact with real people, in real life. You need those skills to function in real life - get more education, then a job, start a family. The longer you hide behind the computer, the harder it will be to overcome your anxieties and interact with real people.
Go out - meet people.
You need professional therapy and learn how to interact with real people, in real life.
I know my other post was about quite the same situation, but I put it in the "Non romantic-relationships" for a reason. I needed advices concerning my relationship with a friend so why moving it here?
You obviously don't get what I am trying to say and the huge gap I feel with people in real life. Therapy would help me with my social anxiety obviously but you totally missed the point. But I am used to it, people always misunderstand what I say or pretend to really pay attention to my struggles, it's been like this my entire life. Thank you for making me feel more miserable.
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I got hurt by a friend
