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I believe that there will always be that one person you’ll never really get over. Maybe he/she was your friend or boyfriend/girlfriend or anything. Sure, you can go days, weeks, months, years without thinking of them but the second you see their face or their name gets mentioned in passing, you’ll lost your control. You’ll hate yourself for this. Maybe one day they won’t **** you off. You’re not over this person because you can still remember the little details. It feels good knowing that you could ever love someone so much. Or that’s what you tell yourself anyway. It doesn’t matter if something is true or not. The things we tell ourselves can become our truth. And that is what matters in the end. And someone very close to me once told me “LOVE NEVER FADES”. This is what I believe. Sometimes they just do it for the other person.
There is "something" to this, although I do not see it as not ever getting over them.
I read a bunch of stuff about Facebook enabling ex lovers to contact each other with ease. Apparently it can cause quite the emotional jolt and has even resulted in divorces. So much so that many caution never responding to friend requests from exes (disclaimer: I do not do Facebook).
Of course, theories abound.
Many say its not the person you miss, but that phase of your life. There you are. Young, energetic, and with life in front of you. No mortgages or kids. Just romantic abandon.
Another was that when you are really into someone, it never truly dies. It recedes, but lays dormant for years. Then any contact can reawaken it and feelings run wild. That seems to be what you are saying.
Truth be told, if you have intense feelings for someone you do get over them. But you certainly can never view them in a casual manner ever again.
I was madly in love with this guy long time ago. I thought I'd never get over him. It was my first heartbreak. I felt sad often and thought about him everyday for a whole year and a half. Then I saw his Facebook post a few years later. LOL. He aged terribly, he is bald, fat and I thought to myself 'what did I ever see in him?' I then saw him in the street and he ran away. His friend who was with him later told me he ran away because he didn't want me to see how old he had gotten! He aged like 15 years in 5 years! It made me feel better.
When I was 19, I dated a girl whom I thought was the most amazing woman ever. Her parents didn't want her to date me and browbeat her until she dumped me. It just absolutely killed me. Seriously. I spent the next three years not dating anyone because I was so devastated.
Seven years ago, she reached out to me on Facebook. I'm a happily married man, so I told my wife that an old girlfriend had contacted me. We had a couple of online conversations catching up, followed by a couple of telephone calls. In a lot of ways, it made me feel really nostalgic. But at the same time, it helped me remember some other no-so-pleasant things that I didn't notice when I was 18 or 19, but stuck out to me much later in life. Her constant drama. Her neuroticism. Her ongoing jealousy issues. You name it. And after a couple of fun, but perfectly innocuous conversations, she suddenly started up with the "Why did we ever break up. You're the only person who was nice to me...." followed by a declamation of how awful her marriage was. I immediately unfriended her, because the last thing I intended to do was have those kinds of conversations.
It helped me remember that, sometimes, it's possible to kind of forget that your dream match in life often is in truth a nightmare.
Someone I have mentioned here several times. He was someone I crushed on HEAVILY, because my mind built him up to be something he may/may not have been. Due to circumstances we were never able to see where it could go or see one another. I've never been able to truly shake it. He's haunted my thoughts every now and then, even years after our last communication. I even left social media because of it. He's moved on with someone else completely, which is understandable. I've moved on in a sense that I'm not in bed crying, I'm doing what I need to do to take care of myself, and I'm bettering myself. But because there was never really any formal "closure" to the situation, "what if?" will probably always linger in the back of my mind. I've just learned to live with it, as it will probably be apart of me for a long time, if not the rest of my life.
Reminds me of my "one person." Like you, due to circumstances beyond our control at the time, we had to go our separate ways. We only kissed once, a "good-bye kiss." I've always thought of it as my kiss of a lifetime. That was 30 years ago. Then we reconnected on Facebook a few years ago and she mentioned "the kiss" that she's never forgotten and never come close to matching. She hinted that she might still be interested, but I'm married and very unavailable.
I think for me, at least, I've always had this spot for her because we briefly had strong feelings for each other that we couldn't act upon, so we don't know those things about each other that might drive us to drink. She was young, beautiful, brilliant and could make me laugh like no one else I've ever known. I've never really seen the dark side of her, nor has she seen that side of me. We might not get along for a week living together. All we know about each other is that we loved our limited time together as friends and that we had one really, really great kiss. LOL Just one. Standing up. (Although my knees buckled.)
Well, I’ve posted here about the guy I saw a while back. It’s been over 3 months since we stopped contacting each other. But he’s still on my mind. I make myself super busy but every morning when I wake up, he’s the one I think about. I think it’s because I never get the closure and still wondering, was it me? I know it seems to be socially unacceptable and frowned upon to contact someone that has moved on from you, so I’ll just learn to live with it...
Last edited by qilixiang; 02-04-2019 at 10:22 PM..
Someone I have mentioned here several times. He was someone I crushed on HEAVILY, because my mind built him up to be something he may/may not have been. Due to circumstances we were never able to see where it could go or see one another. I've never been able to truly shake it. He's haunted my thoughts every now and then, even years after our last communication. I even left social media because of it. He's moved on with someone else completely, which is understandable. I've moved on in a sense that I'm not in bed crying, I'm doing what I need to do to take care of myself, and I'm bettering myself. But because there was never really any formal "closure" to the situation, "what if?" will probably always linger in the back of my mind. I've just learned to live with it, as it will probably be apart of me for a long time, if not the rest of my life.
Why do we do this? Taking a step back my rational mind tells me it's just silly but, unfortunately, my rational mind isn't always in the driver seat. Every potential is always (unfairly) measured against that one person. That person who, as you pointed out, probably doesn't truly exist, that person you built up in your mind, papering over the flaws and overlaying perfection.
A girl I dated in college. We've seen each other since then, and there's still quite a bit of chemistry. We were young and dumb.
I really love my current girlfriend, but she's in bad health and is unable to do much. I've been putting up with it for a year or now and it's just not getting much better. I'll always wonder what could have been if she was in normal health.
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