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Why do we do this? Taking a step back my rational mind tells me it's just silly but, unfortunately, my rational mind isn't always in the driver seat. Every potential is always (unfairly) measured against that one person. That person who, as you pointed out, probably doesn't truly exist, that person you built up in your mind, papering over the flaws and overlaying perfection.
I can't say why others have done it. For me, I was 17 at the time and never experienced anything close to a boyfriend. But I have a theory some people can fall multiple times, others a few times, and other's just once. I haven't been trying to date in general so I'm not unfairly comparing him to anyone. I've taken myself out of the equation all together. I'm pretty content where I am. But I can understand the sympathy for those who are innocently dating and run across the types who can't let go of an ex. It's mentally exhausting.
I don't have the mental capacity or time to hold onto anyone in the past that isn't around me anymore. There's a reason they are gone, and I'm fine with that.
I'm a little surprised no one has mentioned their current partner. I met a girl in 1975 working at a restaurant. It was my first day on the job. My first ticket on the wheel, I looked at this girl and my brain exploded. She looked at me and smiled and that was it. We went to my ex girl friends parents trailer and made out passionately. After that we spent all of our time together. I quit my job at the restaurant and moved to Washington. She came with me. We lived together for a year and then got married. We've been together 43 years and I am still madly in love with her. She is my soul-mate and I cherish every moment we spend together. We are so lucky!
I was madly in love with this guy long time ago. I thought I'd never get over him. It was my first heartbreak. I felt sad often and thought about him everyday for a whole year and a half. Then I saw his Facebook post a few years later. LOL. He aged terribly, he is bald, fat and I thought to myself 'what did I ever see in him?' I then saw him in the street and he ran away. His friend who was with him later told me he ran away because he didn't want me to see how old he had gotten! He aged like 15 years in 5 years! It made me feel better.
Then it sure wasn't love. Otherwise it wouldn't matter what he looked like, you would recall those feelings when you saw him anyway.
Most people get stuck on infatuation. We should realize that for what it is and that it is fleeting.
I'm a little surprised no one has mentioned their current partner. I met a girl in 1975 working at a restaurant. It was my first day on the job. My first ticket on the wheel, I looked at this girl and my brain exploded. She looked at me and smiled and that was it. We went to my ex girl friends parents trailer and made out passionately. After that we spent all of our time together. I quit my job at the restaurant and moved to Washington. She came with me. We lived together for a year and then got married. We've been together 43 years and I am still madly in love with her. She is my soul-mate and I cherish every moment we spend together. We are so lucky!
I don't expect to ever lose my feelings for my present partner, my "Zen." He is truly the best, most compatible partner I have ever had on pretty much every level. I mean, we have some small imperfections between us but they're not important. We are very in love, very happy. And he truly is enough for me. I had the option to have multiple partners, I chose to commit to just him, and I've no regrets.
But...
There was one dude who stuck a bit like a splinter or a sore tooth, emotionally speaking. I think the sense I had, was he was ready to be done with what we were doing, before I was, and I was kind rudely kicked out of the happy-happy-joy-joy infatuation stage into utter confusion. No reason really ever given. Broken promises to see one another again, that amounted to nothing. A fade into distant social-media based friendly acquaintanceship.
He was a whole lotta fun in bed for reasons that are not better, not worse, can't be ranked against what I've got now...just a different flavor entirely. He does however get categorized as one of only two lovers I've ever had who were "exceptional." The other is the man I am with now.
But it's like...I wish I could see his smile, I can listen to his singing and playing (musician) online and torment myself, but I don't tend to do that anymore. I know that thinking about his face, his voice, his touch...gives me a hint of a swoony feeling, followed instantly by annoyance. Because in my own perfect fantasy world, the one where I am a millionaire with my dream home and my dream job and everything is exactly as I want it to be...my own beloved has other young ladies to play with, and I get to have this fellow as some kind of a side piece. Not that I know if he'd cooperate with that, and I've never asked, nor would I. The notion hurts my man, I know this. He isn't ok with this one, could not be. And it's fine. It is.
Am I "over" him? I dunno. Kinda? Sorta? Maybe mostly? I can confess to a bit of utterly fantastical "wish it coulda been otherwise" thinking now and again, but nothing serious enough to put any energy into ever. It is not a thing that matters. And I don't put my time or energy into seeking out thoughts of him much anymore. I used to. But I am doing the behaviors to let go and be over him. I am grateful enough for the love I've got, no need to pine for the one I didn't get to have.
Yes you did. Apologies for that. Sometimes I skim posts rather quickly, specially when there are more then a few posts. I'm really bad about the music threads. I should listen to them a lot more then I do. it's not like I have anything better to do! Today's a snow day and we are trying out our new Apple TV. Technology for old people can be a challenge!
Then it sure wasn't love. Otherwise it wouldn't matter what he looked like, you would recall those feelings when you saw him anyway.
Most people get stuck on infatuation. We should realize that for what it is and that it is fleeting.
So true. Just got out of an intense infatuated relationship. My first true infatuation experience (perhaps some love mixed in.). Learned so much. I’m over her now but still wish her well. I don’t need her to age 15 years in 5 years in order to feel better about myself either like that one girl on here. Maybe she was half kidding, anyways.
Then it sure wasn't love. Otherwise it wouldn't matter what he looked like, you would recall those feelings when you saw him anyway.
Most people get stuck on infatuation. We should realize that for what it is and that it is fleeting.
Yep, when I saw him that is when I realized I wasn't really in love, I was infatuated. It was not true love. His wife today is a looker, extremely attractive and has a son. His wife loves him even if he is fat and bald, I didn't love him. I loved the youthful guy, good looking guy, I didn't love him as a man, I loved the idea of being in love.
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