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There are people with your oppinion who say that not revealing a number while being estimated younger is somehow creating a problem for some people. I realized that it can cause trouble after this experience.
But see, reducing another person to a number he couldnt choose is also something not very nice. It can be extremely hurtful, especially if somebody isnt too much like that number anyway.
The fact that i dont like revealing my age has something to do with such kind of experiences. I was always very straight with the age before i was 35, but then i had a few experiences, like younger adults seeing me as a nice guy, hearing one damn single number, and treating me as a different person i have never chosen to be. Or as somehow who has no right at all to be interested in younger, but adult girls. Yes, some people think like this and that is extremely hurtful. It lets one rethink how to approach the problem, that somepeople might react like this.
I mean, just read the comments here. The most accepted strategy for everybody would probably be to behave like having a fatal disease. That would do all those a favour, who have negative views because of a number anyway.
Not wanting someone significantly older is perfectly valid. You don't get to decide for someone else that it is not.
YOU are reducing women to an age, as you only seek out potential partners based upon their age.
Listen, it is perfectly clear you only care about your wants, you don't give a rip about what the women want. I get it, you don't want advice, you want to know how to get your way.
I'm done.
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Agreed, which is why I will pick this study, titltled: Old maids have more appeal: effects of age and pheromone source on mate attraction in an orb-web spider - by Anna-Lena Cory and Jutta M. Schneider
For my confirmation bias selection: “We predict that the longer females remain unmated, the more they should increase their investment in sex pheromone emission to attract males from larger distances and to outcompete other females in the proximity. If female signalling is costly, we would expect that old females regularly attract more males than necessary but accept the costs because laying unfertilized egg clutches is even more costly. Note that only one mating event is needed to fertilize all eggs (Schneider, Fromhage & Uhl, 2005) and that due to efficient mate plugging by males, females are limited to use sperm of two males at most (Nessler, Uhl & Schneider, 2007). Field experiments are ideal for testing this prediction since they not only allow the qualitative assessment of wide-range attraction but also provide information about the intensity of mate attraction by counting the number of male arrivals. Females would benefit from regulating the emission within a short time frame because the mating season only lasts for 3–4 weeks (Zimmer, Welke & Schneider, 2012). Strategic signalling implies that with increasing age and pressure to attract males, unmated females should emit more pheromones.
But see, reducing another person to a number he couldnt choose is also something not very nice. It can be extremely hurtful, especially if somebody isnt too much like that number anyway.
The fact that i dont like revealing my age has something to do with such kind of experiences. I was always very straight with the age before i was 35, but then i had a few experiences, like younger adults seeing me as a nice guy, hearing one damn single number, and treating me as a different person i have never chosen to be. Or as somehow who has no right at all to be interested in younger, but adult girls. Yes, some people think like this and that is extremely hurtful. It lets one rethink how to approach the problem, that somepeople might react like this.
Dude. I defended you and agree you should date 20 somethings if that's your preference. BUT...
what you state above is JUST REALITY. It's how it is. It cannot be altered by evasiveness.
NONE of us like to age. No one likes to see their looks deteriorate. I was pretty hot from age 14 to around 45. Then a decline set in. Did I like it? No. But I ACCEPTED it (see under my username lol). Unlike you're doing.
As I said in an earlier post: would you rather be seen as an old looking 28 or a young looking 40?
Feeling hurt by folks not wanting to date you because of your age is childish and ridiculous. It's no more hurtful than YOU not wishing to date a 40 y/o female. It's just a preference, and shoudn't hurt you any more than if you are brunette and someone only dates blondes.
Age is NOT JUST A NUMBER. It isn't. It's a reality you choose to be delusional about.
Being a proud 40 y/o who looks great and looks younger who wishes to date gals in their twenties is A-OK and nothing wrong with that.
Being an ashamed, unrealistic 40 y/o who is delusional that age is "just a number" is the issue here.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,024,941 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
(drops the mic)
If so many of the posters (and re animated posters) touting the crud they do under the guise of biology and evolutionary biology actually studied biology and mating systems in the animal kingdom, their presumptions would be turned on their head.
If so many of the posters (and re animated posters) touting the crud they do under the guise of biology and evolutionary biology actually studied biology and mating systems in the animal kingdom, their presumptions would be turned on their head.
Spot on! It seems in dating message boards, some people start to talk biology and primal urges when it comes to dating as if it had some validity to it.
Like women desiring only tall men because they "feel protected", because it's a biological instinct. Or with men, they like to sleep with a lot of women, be cause they are acting on instinct to spread their seed.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,024,941 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
The thing is, we are set apart from the animals.
In our minds.
But we are animals. We are great apes.
I wasn't saying biology doesn't come into play. But the expensive egg / cheap sperm, aka asigomy, hypothesis that was largely promoted in biology classes in middle school or high school, even college, in the 70s - 90s has all been but widely discredited, and in fact was more about promoting social values (aka female chastity and double standards) via the Bateman Principle than about promoting actual science.
There are people with your oppinion who say that not revealing a number while being estimated younger is somehow creating a problem for some people. I realized that it can cause trouble after this experience.
But see, reducing another person to a number he couldnt choose is also something not very nice. It can be extremely hurtful, especially if somebody isnt too much like that number anyway.
The fact that i dont like revealing my age has something to do with such kind of experiences. I was always very straight with the age before i was 35, but then i had a few experiences, like younger adults seeing me as a nice guy, hearing one damn single number, and treating me as a different person i have never chosen to be. Or as somehow who has no right at all to be interested in younger, but adult girls. Yes, some people think like this and that is extremely hurtful. It lets one rethink how to approach the problem, that somepeople might react like this.
I mean, just read the comments here. The most accepted strategy for everybody would probably be to behave like having a fatal disease. That would do all those a favour, who have negative views because of a number anyway.
OMG, GROW UP! Getting older is part of life. Deal with it! If you were like some of the other 40-something guys, and were showing some age, watching that hairline recede, you'd have no choice; 20-something women wouldn't be attracted to you anyway. You'd have to face reality. But because you won the genetic lottery, you're indulging your tendency to stay stuck in 20-something mode. This is weird. You're like a child, kicking and screaming, because you're parents say you're too old to ride in a stroller, you have to walk everywhere now, no one's going to carry you anymore.
Who are your guy friends? Are they mostly (exclusively??) 15-20 years younger than you, as well? This is not about preferring people who are more spontaneous, creative and fun; those can be found at any age. This is about maturity and acceptance of life's stages. Most people enjoy the company of others, who are going through the same stage they are, sharing common experiences resulting from that. They may have some younger friends, and some older friends they bond with over common interests, but most people tend to have the most in common with people in their same age cohort.
You seem to be rejecting your age completely, saying "that isn't me, don't force it on me". Well, guess what? The people a generation younger than you are giving you feedback; some are saying you don't belong with them, and you're creeping them out. This is reality. Deal with it! You're 40; it's not the end of the world. Embrace 40. What are you going to do when you're 60? I shudder to think.
BTW, you still haven't told us what happened with the 21-year-old women who didn't have a problem with dating you. Where are they now? Why are you still chasing after more 21-year-olds, if those others were so accepting of you?
I knew of this one woman that used to date a construction worker that wouldn't leave his couch and watch football games all weekend. She couldn't even get him to take a casual bike ride together. She was athletic, but he had a gut on him. Drink beer and watch the game.
Have you ever been a construction worker or any sort of blue collar worker? You don’t stay one long by being a “couch potato”. Working with your body all day long every day is so many times harder than any hour long gym workout. The guy may have wanted to finally put his feet up after a long day.
I understand that she wanted a guy to do active recreation with, so maybe someone who sits at a desk all day would be a better pick.
Have you ever been a construction worker or any sort of blue collar worker? You don’t stay one long by being a “couch potato”. Working with your body all day long every day is so many times harder than any hour long gym workout. The guy may have wanted to finally put his feet up after a long day.
I understand that she wanted a guy to do active recreation with, so maybe someone who sits at a desk all day would be a better pick.
lol. Trading out a couch potato for a desk potato? Yeah, that'll work. Another one of ThisTown's stories that he picks up off the internet. Why would an active, athletic person "date" (if you could call it that) someone, who won't get up off his couch after work? How does a match like that even happen? Not very believable.
Being a proud 40 y/o who looks great and looks younger who wishes to date gals in their twenties is A-OK and nothing wrong with that.
Being an ashamed, unrealistic 40 y/o who is delusional that age is "just a number" is the issue here.
Well stated!
Just for fun I asked my 24 y.o. daughter for her take on this. I gave her a short version of the original post. She said “He’s a liar, who’d want that?” And that he didn’t give her the option to choose him honestly, because he lied. She said that while she would likely not date a 39 year old, some women her age might. But no one likes to be lied to. She even said it sound alike he’s ashamed of his age and trying to hide it, and that’s totally unattractive. And a bit creepy.
See the theme of her comments? It’s the lying.
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