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This is funny...my husband asked me the other day if I would still be attracted to him if he gained an insane amount of weight...I said only if it was due to illness or something involuntary...if you became overweight just due to your own sloppiness or inactivity, of course I would become less attracted to you! Obviously you would be lacking pride in yourself to let yourself go, and if you did not love yourself enough, its hard to find that very sexy.
But on the other hand, we also talk about how we can't understand how people gain weight after marrying. I was never overweight, but after moving in and getting married, I have only gotten in better shape, because I now have a work out partner, and before I worked out 4 days a week, now my husband and I workout 6 days a week because we motivate each other.
Same with him, he is in better shape now than he was before and we only look better every month, every year. People notice and compliment all the time. And yes this is even after children. I don't get it, you have to be around someone who sees you naked, how embarassing to be obese and out of shape around someone that you are supposed to be sexy around! It's just something neither one of us understand, but I guess thats a good thing.
Therein lies the problem...the hinting, he is sending her subliminal messages that say "you're not good enough for me when you're at your current weight" He may be genuinely concerned but he's going about it all wrong. Good intentions maybe.
The gym membership could possibly add more fuel, it depends on the nature of the gift. I'm not saying he should buy it for her, I'm suggesting that he be more supportive rather than controlling. Maybe take her out for lunch (HER CHOICE of resturant, not his) and mention to her that he would love to see her smiling face again. That's he's heard of some friendly gyms that are for women only and would she like to go visit some? Then she can decide which one works best for her. Most gyms offer childcare for people while they work out.
I remember my "ex" husband helped get me motivated after I had my second child as well. He did it in a very caring way allowing me to make the decision for myself. He went to group excercise classes with me, ect.. and now I teach them! So your friend shouldn't give up, just be more supportive.
I can garantee you she is suffering from depression. Physical activity will be the best medicine, working with someone will give her the momentum and motivation she needs.
You're probably right since you can directly relate to my coworker's wife as a woman who has had children. Congrats to you for not only going to the gym but teaching classes. My coworker doesn't usually share a lot of personal "deep moments" w/ me, but this was one time I could clearly tell that the more he talked about it, the more he was becoming annoyed and frustrated about it. I hope it doesn't cause him to become unfaithful, but I'll probably never know either way (not that it's my business).
You're probably right since you can directly relate to my coworker's wife as a woman who has had children. Congrats to you for not only going to the gym but teaching classes. My coworker doesn't usually share a lot of personal "deep moments" w/ me, but this was one time I could clearly tell that the more he talked about it, the more he was becoming annoyed and frustrated about it. I hope it doesn't cause him to become unfaithful, but I'll probably never know either way (not that it's my business).
Well if he is unfaithful it won't be because of her weight, there's a deeper issue going on. It is sad, but this kind of thing happens to marriages all the time.
In the words of Alicia Keys's song "When you really love someone"
When it's real it's unconditional I'm tell'n ya'll
Cause a man just aint a man if he aint man enough
to love you when you're right, love you when you're wrong
love you when you're weak, love you when you're strong...
Well if he is unfaithful it won't be because of her weight, there's a deeper issue going on. It is sad, but this kind of thing happens to marriages all the time.
In the words of Alicia Keys's song "When you really love someone"
When it's real it's unconditional I'm tell'n ya'll
Cause a man just aint a man if he aint man enough
to love you when you're right, love you when you're wrong
love you when you're weak, love you when you're strong...
I didn't mean to imply he'd become unfaithful. What might be more accurate is that he'd just deal w/ "more of her" and live w/ the frustration.
Maybe if she's still overweight when she's older and their kids are older, her kids might motivate her to shape up. My siblings and I did just that w/ my Mom and she's gotten in better shape over the years b/c of it. I don't think my father was ever annoyed my mother's overweight factor, but I was and I was not shy to tell my mother about it. She did and is still doing something about it.
I didn't mean to imply he'd become unfaithful. What might be more accurate is that he'd just deal w/ "more of her" and live w/ the frustration.
Maybe if she's still overweight when she's older and their kids are older, her kids might motivate her to shape up. My siblings and I did just that w/ my Mom and she's gotten in better shape over the years b/c of it. I don't think my father was ever annoyed my mother's overweight factor, but I was and I was not shy to tell my mother about it. She did and is still doing something about it.
Well your friend might end up joining millions of Americans who live very frustrated lives because they feel trapped by marriage.
Well your friend might end up joining millions of Americans who live very frustrated lives because they feel trapped by marriage.
On a happier note. Way to go MOM!
He just might.
Thanks! What's funny is when my siblings and I fly back to see the folks, we (esp. my brother) go through their kitchen cabinets and throw away junk food. I have a feeling that when my mother knows we're coming, she hides the junk food.
Thanks! What's funny is when my siblings and I fly back to see the folks, we (esp. my brother) go through their kitchen cabinets and throw away junk food. I have a feeling that when my mother knows we're coming, she hides the junk food.
As she should! You're not much different than IbeDavid.
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My coworker doesn't usually share a lot of personal "deep moments" w/ me, but this was one time I could clearly tell that the more he talked about it, the more he was becoming annoyed and frustrated about it. 
I hope it doesn't cause him to become unfaithful, but I'll probably never know either way (not that it's my business).
He also censors his parents' junk food? 
