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Old 04-11-2008, 03:35 PM
ARC ARC started this thread
 
181 posts, read 749,436 times
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What do you do when your spouse has gained a lot of weight? My H is almost 300 lbs. at 6'. He's gained ALOT of weight in the past few years. It's not due to a medical condition; it's due to overeating and not exercising (way too much ice cream - which I don't buy, and watching tv all weekend long).

I've hinted nicely, cooked good meals, encouraged him to exercise with me for the past several years to no avail. He was at 280 for a while and lately he's gained 20 more!! I am no longer attracted to him. I keep in shape and I've had three children. I don't eat anything I want and I exercise. I don't think it's fair that he has let himself go. Then he wants to jump in bed and he's just not attractive to me anymore. I finally lost it with him the other night and told him flat out how I feel. He is giving me the cold shoulder now, snapping at me, etc.

I understand people age, and I don't mind that. It's my husband's attitude that "you're married to me now - I can just let myself go."

No flames please.

ARC
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Old 04-11-2008, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
2,868 posts, read 9,077,737 times
Reputation: 1525
There must be an an issue with why he 'lets himself go'...is he depressed? I know people who are depressed loss interest in their looks and appeal... Maybe he needs to talk to someone...
It sounds like you are doing all you can up to the point of moving his body for him...Hopefully he will come around.
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Old 04-11-2008, 03:53 PM
 
1,566 posts, read 2,960,511 times
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How much was he when you met him?
I know that personally Ive always had bad eating habits. Im 6'3 and I graduated college at 205 lbs.I ate bad then too, but I had baseball games or practice 6 days a week so I did a lot of running. I knew I was gaining wait, but I keptmakig excuses or swearing I would start dieting soon. Finally last September i went to Wrigley Field and when I saw the pics after I posted them online i was disgusted with how fat Id gotten (245lbs)I decided the excuses had to stop because if they didnt I was going to become a complete fat waste. I cut out almost everything bad I was eating (still go out drinking o nce or twice a month) and am now down to about 195. i havnet excerised a ton but I would like to also start running more and adding some muscle.
I really wasnt depressed, it was just a matter of a poor diet. Sometimes its hard to notice when you gain weight and seeing the pics of myself next to some older pics really helped motivate me.
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Old 04-11-2008, 03:55 PM
 
5,273 posts, read 13,487,257 times
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Sounds like a person who really doesn't care about himself and has some esteem issues. Do what you can, but ultimately it's up to him.
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Old 04-11-2008, 04:08 PM
 
Location: Wishing It Was Wisconsin
534 posts, read 1,506,656 times
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I gained a ton of weight after I got married. Hubby never loved me any less. I tried several times to lose it because *I* felt I had to do it for him. Never once did he ask me to lose weight, it was all in my head. I realized I had to lose the weight for myself.

I lost 150 pounds just cutting back and exercising. I feel great. It only took losing 20 pounds to notice I was starting to feel better. Once I lost the first 20, the rest was a piece of cake. I ate what ever I wanted. The only thing I cut out was bakery. I used to bake all the time. Oh and chocolate. Come to the present day, I have found that I don't care for chocolate at all and bakery I could give or take.

It took a little over 1 year. But I did it the healthy way no outside help of anykind. I have maintained it for over 3 years now and I feel great. Hubby never loved me any less when I was overweight and he was HUGE in supporting me. He lost 20 himself(never that much overweight). I do a toning dvd and a leg dvd and we walk every night. He helped me with weights so I don't have any sagging skin.

I hate to say it, but for him to lose any weight, he's going to need your support. I couldn't have done it without my husband. He loved me just as much when I was a size 30/32(yes you read that right)as he does now as a size 8. I knew I didn't have to lose weight or lose my marriage which made it much easier for me.

Your husband may have some emotional issues that he needs to deal with, but he may also need your help. I wish you guys luck.
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Old 04-11-2008, 04:08 PM
 
Location: Way up high
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ARC, in same boat so don't feel bad.
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Old 04-11-2008, 04:13 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
29,448 posts, read 71,120,091 times
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Make it clear that you still love him, but you do nto find him as physically attractive at this weight and that you are worried about his health. Then make it clear again that you love him. Maybe you can do things together take long walks, swim or something. Once he starts exercising, the depression may go away on its own.
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Old 04-11-2008, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Beautiful New England
2,412 posts, read 6,790,502 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ARC View Post
What do you do when your spouse has gained a lot of weight? My H is almost 300 lbs. at 6'. He's gained ALOT of weight in the past few years.
Some perspective is necessary here: How much is "a lot?" How much did he weigh when you were married? What has his suit/shirt/pant size then and what is it now?
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Old 04-11-2008, 04:32 PM
ARC ARC started this thread
 
181 posts, read 749,436 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by professorsenator View Post
Some perspective is necessary here: How much is "a lot?" How much did he weigh when you were married? What has his suit/shirt/pant size then and what is it now?
Thanks for all the replies. I'll respond from the last message up.

When I married my H he was 200 lbs. (not skinny, but looked good on him), so he's gained 100 lbs. Sizes of pants? I believe he wore waist size 38 or so when we married and the last pair of jeans he bought were waist size 50. We've been married 16 years so it's hard to remember back that far.
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Old 04-11-2008, 04:39 PM
ARC ARC started this thread
 
181 posts, read 749,436 times
Reputation: 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by UW Badgers View Post
I gained a ton of weight after I got married. Hubby never loved me any less. I tried several times to lose it because *I* felt I had to do it for him. Never once did he ask me to lose weight, it was all in my head. I realized I had to lose the weight for myself.

I lost 150 pounds just cutting back and exercising. I feel great. It only took losing 20 pounds to notice I was starting to feel better. Once I lost the first 20, the rest was a piece of cake. I ate what ever I wanted. The only thing I cut out was bakery. I used to bake all the time. Oh and chocolate. Come to the present day, I have found that I don't care for chocolate at all and bakery I could give or take.

It took a little over 1 year. But I did it the healthy way no outside help of anykind. I have maintained it for over 3 years now and I feel great. Hubby never loved me any less when I was overweight and he was HUGE in supporting me. He lost 20 himself(never that much overweight). I do a toning dvd and a leg dvd and we walk every night. He helped me with weights so I don't have any sagging skin.

I hate to say it, but for him to lose any weight, he's going to need your support. I couldn't have done it without my husband. He loved me just as much when I was a size 30/32(yes you read that right)as he does now as a size 8. I knew I didn't have to lose weight or lose my marriage which made it much easier for me.

Your husband may have some emotional issues that he needs to deal with, but he may also need your help. I wish you guys luck.

I'm not sure what else I can do to be supportive. I've been loving and nicey-nice for years and he's just gained more weight. He even said once that his weight must not really bother me because I showed that I still loved him. But it DOES bother me. I don't love him less - I just don't like how he's slowly killing himself.
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