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I saw this video on social media of a guy talking about how to reject a guy nicely. He recommended if you are rejecting someone to say "You're not my type". He said that it's easier for the guy to take that because he knows he can't instantly become another type. So then he'll just accept it and go away, minus the anger/hurt etc. It makes sense to me but I wanted to ask the guys what they think.
But what if he keeps asking?
Do you keep just saying no thank you?
If he can't take no for an answer then you have the right to stop being considerate of his feelings. You are under no obligation to explain to him why you're turning him down, or give him a reason. "No, thanks" is clear and definitive, but polite, and if he can't accept that then you're under no obligation to continue being polite. That's when you tell him to eff off and leave you alone, and if he still continues after that, you get help from a friend, and if you're alone, you alert the manager of the establishment.
I am not saying that "you're not my type" is a bad thing to say - you can use it if you want to. I'm just saying I think you're spending way too much time thinking about how to let guys down easy when that's not really your responsibility. Be polite and considerate, of course, but if a guy is going to take a "no" badly, it probably doesn't matter what you say or how you say it. If he's got self esteem problems, those are his problems, not yours.
But what if he keeps asking?
Do you keep just saying no thank you?
Yes.
I don't use "you're not my type" as it seems dismissive if its the first or second time they've asked and you don't even know the person well. I don't want to insult them, just discourage them.
I've said "Thanks for the invitation, but no, I have other plans." and keep saying it every time they ask. Even if the "plans" are to sort socks. There are always other plans. IME it doesn't take long for them to get it. Guess I'm easily replaced!
I've said "Thanks for the invitation, but no, I have other plans."
I don't like this way because it's a guaranteed way to make them keep asking and I'm not looking to bring that on myself. I also don't like it because there may be a time when I DO like the guy and want to go out with him but actually have other plans on that day he ask and that's exactly what I'd say, but that doesn't mean I don't want to go out with him.
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Originally Posted by Parnassia
I don't use "you're not my type" as it seems dismissive if its the first or second time they've asked and you don't even know the person well. I don't want to insult them, just discourage them.
Why would it be an insult if you have a different type? If a guy told me that I'm not his type I would assume he likes women who are totally different than me, but there is nothing wrong with me.
I don't like this way because it's a guaranteed way to make them keep asking and I'm not looking to bring that on myself.
If a guy is going to keep pestering you after receiving a "no", it doesn't matter what you say. Even if you say "you're not my type" he'll probably just say something like "Oh, come on, you don't even know me yet, give me a chance!" There will always be a way for a guy to not take no for an answer, if he's that type of guy.
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I also don't like it because there may be a time when I DO like the guy and want to go out with him but actually have other plans on that day he ask and that's exactly what I'd say, but that doesn't mean I don't want to go out with him.
Then you ask for his number when you do like him but have other plans, and you don't ask for his number when don't.
Still, this sort of supports exactly what I mean - you're under no obligation to give him a reason for turning him down. Just say "No, thanks".
If a guy is going to keep pestering you after receiving a "no", it doesn't matter what you say. Even if you say "you're not my type" he'll probably just say something like "Oh, come on, you don't even know me yet, give me a chance!" There will always be a way for a guy to not take no for an answer, if he's that type of guy.
If I have rejected him without even getting to know him, then obviously he is not my physical type and I will say that if he persists. I don't think there is anything he can say to that, do you?
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Then you ask for his number when you do like him but have other plans, and you don't ask for his number when don't.
Still, this sort of supports exactly what I mean - you're under no obligation to give him a reason for turning him down. Just say "No, thanks".
I'm not opposed to saying "no thanks". I'm opposed to saying "Thank you but I have other plans".
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