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You should definitely say something to your bf while he’s there. Maybe he doesn’t understand the rules of etiquette. He can save face by visiting your family, bringing flowers to your mom and a box of good chocolate, a bottle of scotch, or the equivalent to your dad, to as a way of saying thank you.
If he’s not comfortable with that now, I agree with everyone else; you know exactly what his priorities are.
I think both of you need to lighten the heck up. He needs to stop worrying about who paid for the damn ticket, and you should have just had a very short, easy conversation. Something like, "Hey it would be NICE if you spent a LITTLE bit more time with my family prior to the funeral". That's it. If he over reacts then its on him. These should not be crisis generating issues or conversations. Wait until you face REAL adversity as individuals or a couple. (No, I am not wishing that on either of you, just sayin)
I think both of you need to lighten the heck up. He needs to stop worrying about who paid for the damn ticket, and you should have just had a very short, easy conversation. Something like, "Hey it would be NICE if you spent a LITTLE bit more time with my family prior to the funeral". That's it. If he over reacts then its on him. These should not be crisis generating issues or conversations. Wait until you face REAL adversity as individuals or a couple. (No, I am not wishing that on either of you, just sayin)
As you can tell, most of us believe it's much more serious than your thinking. This isn't some disagreement about whether they should go to the beach or the park that day. This is a true test (like I said previously) on how he is in these kinds of serious situations. And he failed & behaved all out of whack.
This showed NO or minimal empathy, sympathy, maturity, respect, consideration, not knowing the priorities, no compromise, etc. on HIS part. I don't know about you, but those are important character traits in a serious relationship. If someone's spouse or partner lacks those, then good luck staying together for any length of time!
Nobody is obligated to feel something they do not and you will never change that.
He is coming in support of you, not because he wants to. This does not change the fact he is coming for you.
I was going to respond to this before you said about you "goofing", which you did NOT at all. What I was going to say about the above is that it's not about who paid. It's the principle of the whole thing. But I know he wanted to pay on his OWN so he didn't feel obligated at all & can be in & out & spend time w/ friends, so this can be like a 70-80% fun vacation for him being w/ friends. So what's he going to do, pay your dad back so he can feel better inside that he spent more time w/ friends?
This "best friend" of his...have you met him? Are you sure he was even w/ this so-called best friend? I was thinking it might have been w/ another woman possibly since he really jumped at being eager to be w/ "him" right UP FRONT 3x's like you said right away. It's as if he was missing his old/current girlfriend or something back home. Hmmm, makes you wonder. I'm not saying he doesn't have a best friend, I wonder about WHO he was REALLY w/ when he says "best friend".
Whoever this best friend is, "he's" NO true friend. A good friend would have said to him, "No man, you be w/ your GF in her sad time of need & we can see each other for just a couple hrs right before you leave" or something to that effect. But no, his desire of partying/drinking still w/ your boyfriend was MUCH more important. (You said he drinks, etc.)
Anyway, overall, I don't like your boyfriend's mentality & actions regarding how he handled this entire situation. From what I see, doesn't seem like marriage material. Not everyone is...some are meant to just be the people we're meant to date just for a time & others are definitely more mentally mature, respectful, good head on their shoulders, etc.
Lol yes, I know he was with his friend. My BF and I share locations, so I can see where my boyfriend is. I know he isn’t/wasn’t with other girls. He would never.
Because that’s the type of person this friend is. I think he’s just super selfish and can’t ever do anything without my boyfriend being there. I think he just has attachment issues. Like, when BF and I first moved across the country, said friend was calling my boyfriend MULTIPLE times a day, and I kind of told my boyfriend that I don’t mind his friend calling, but it’s gotten a bit ‘much’ With how much he calls, so the calling has toned down. But in general, the friend is selfish
He’s there and will attend the funeral in support of you.... Isn’t that what you wanted?
Yes you are right. I guess I just assumed that given the circumstances, he’d make an effort to spend a little more time with my family. Maybe if I wanted it, I could have brought it up before we left
As you can tell, most of us believe it's much more serious than your thinking. This isn't some disagreement about whether they should go to the beach or the park that day. This is a true test (like I said previously) on how he is in these kinds of serious situations. And he failed & behaved all out of whack.
This showed NO or minimal empathy, sympathy, maturity, respect, consideration, not knowing the priorities, no compromise, etc. on HIS part. I don't know about you, but those are important character traits in a serious relationship. If someone's spouse or partner lacks those, then good luck staying together for any length of time!
Maybe you're right. It seems like he did over react to her attempt to ask him to spend more time with her and her family. Could be a red flag, but who knows. Only she can determine if it is going to be a problem.
Yes you are right. I guess I just assumed that given the circumstances, he’d make an effort to spend a little more time with my family. Maybe if I wanted it, I could have brought it up before we left
Given the fact that he was there early on when you needed him when the grief was fresh, and knowing you'd have other family members there on location plus the fact that he took the time to go anyway, his ticket money or your dads.... give him a big hug and thanks and if you want him there more often , just ask....not expect it
Maybe it is the drinking and going out that your BF is missing and is wanting to do
with the friend. Either way it does seem that he would have first spent time with your family, offering condolences. Mother's day with his family would make sense. I don't think a couple needs to be joined at the hip, but it seems he would spend some time with your family and that you would spend some time with his unless there's a great deal of distance involved.
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