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I've had girlfriends before but I've always became friends with them before starting to date.
My ex-girlfriend and I were best friends for a couple of years before we started dating and I was already very comfortable with her so it was very easy. I've never been to a date with a person that I've never physically met before.
I've been single for over a month and I started using dating apps. I already cancelled one date because I was too nervous and basically had anxiety. I have a couple of dates next week with girls that I talked to on a dating app. I'm already nervous about it. I keep thinking to myself, what if they don't find me attractive in person? Or what if they think I'm too skinny ( I weigh 138 lbs)?
I know that they've already seen my pictures and they wouldn't say yes to go on a date if they weren't attracted to me. But still, I'm just worried.
I'm not an awkward person and I'm comfortable talking to them. I've texted with both girls for a while and we already have a lot in common. I feel like it will be easy to have a conversation with them. I just have so many insecurities. My friends think it's a result of my previous relationship. I broke up with my ex because she caught feelings for one of her friends and she basically cheated on me, and now i'm very insecure.
My advice is just to get out there and do it. IMO dating off OLD apps is like interviewing for jobs … it is a skill you develop, by doing. With job interviews, you walk away learning something … a skill you need to learn, a question you hadn't heard before and weren't ready to answer. OLD is very similar. Some will be reasonable matches, most won't.
I'd say go out, relax and try to have fun but I know it isn't that easy. A date with a predetermined end time (say, meeting at a sports bar, to watch a game that ends predictably) might make you feel more comfortable ("I can make it, it's just 90 minutes, I got this!")
I’ve always had a “F*** IT!” mentality when it comes to dating/meeting someone for the first time. We all have insecurities, but to overcome them you have face them head-on.
Short of meeting a serial killer, what’s the worse that can happen? I know whatever happens, I’ll wake up the next day going on with life.
Think it through so what if they don't find you attractive? Is everyone you meet supposed to be attracted to you? Is that a realistic expectation? So what does it matter if this one specific person thinks you are too skinny? There is a range of bodies that people are attracted to some men are looking for women who are super buxom, some are looking for super small women with no boobs. If you spend any time looking at porn, you realize there is a range of body forums people are into.
Second anxiety is one of those things that are best dealt with by exposing yourself o what you are afraid of. People who are scared of public speaking go to Toastmasters and give speeches to each other. How you overcome this anxiety is by just going out with women.
I've had girlfriends before but I've always became friends with them before starting to date.
My ex-girlfriend and I were best friends for a couple of years before we started dating and I was already very comfortable with her so it was very easy. I've never been to a date with a person that I've never physically met before.
I've been single for over a month and I started using dating apps. I already cancelled one date because I was too nervous and basically had anxiety. I have a couple of dates next week with girls that I talked to on a dating app. I'm already nervous about it. I keep thinking to myself, what if they don't find me attractive in person? Or what if they think I'm too skinny ( I weigh 138 lbs)?
I know that they've already seen my pictures and they wouldn't say yes to go on a date if they weren't attracted to me. But still, I'm just worried.
I'm not an awkward person and I'm comfortable talking to them. I've texted with both girls for a while and we already have a lot in common. I feel like it will be easy to have a conversation with them. I just have so many insecurities. My friends think it's a result of my previous relationship. I broke up with my ex because she caught feelings for one of her friends and she basically cheated on me, and now i'm very insecure.
Any advice on how to deal with this?
You are worried about things you cannot control. For example, you cannot control whether or not somebody cheats on you and if they do, it really wasn't your fault. If you are hurt by the cheating, then you need to take steps to raise your expectations of other people. You can be secure about yourself, but it is possible to be insecure about a relationship. What you have to do is identify behaviors that cause insecurity in a relationship.
You have to get it in your head that you are a catch. Stepping out of your comfort zone leads to some great things and you gain more confidence with the more experience you have. I'd say ignore the feelings of anxiety or nervousness. They are an illusion based on your little bit of experience thus far. And it's okay to feel nervous when meeting someone, but I don't think you need to totally reveal that and act on it. Just be confident, friendly, and talkative, as well as a good listener.
Think about it this way, for every 20 dates you go on, you will probably hit it off with 1 person. That might sound overwhelming, and the odds will probably go up a lot if there is a lot of prescreening of dates. But the point is, there are often a lot of variables involved that determine.when a match is made. Its not usually about one factor, its a very subtle and complex process. If a date doesnt work out, the natural response might be to assume it was because of the thing you happen to be insecure about (your weight). But thinking that way just feeds that insecurity, with no proof that was the reason.
If you go into it knowing most dates will be a dud, and talk yourself out of being upset over every date that flops, and dont assume it was due to the thing you happen to be insecure about, I think that will help lessen the anxiety.
Develop a thicker skin and try not to take things personally. Most people are secretly struggling with insecurities.
Think about it this way, for every 20 dates you go on, you will probably hit it off with 1 person. That might sound overwhelming, and the odds will probably go up a lot if there is a lot of prescreening of dates. But the point is, there are often a lot of variables involved that determine.when a match is made. Its not usually about one factor, its a very subtle and complex process. If a date doesnt work out, the natural response might be to assume it was because of the thing you happen to be insecure about (your weight). But thinking that way just feeds that insecurity, with no proof that was the reason.
If you go into it knowing most dates will be a dud, and talk yourself out of being upset over every date that flops, and dont assume it was due to the thing you happen to be insecure about, I think that will help lessen the anxiety.
Develop a thicker skin and try not to take things personally. Most people are secretly struggling with insecurities.
I thought this was good advice.
There is a learning curve with dating. Realize the more you do it, the better you get at and the easier it becomes.
At a minimum, you get to spend time with someone new and maybe learn something from them.
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