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Last month, I was set up on a date with a girl. Her mom had actually set us up after I met her at a booth she had set up at a local festival. She was rambling about how she wants me to meet her daughter since she'd been trying to set her up with a guy for a long time. I ended up going on a couple of dates with this girl and we seemed to be having a good time. Not long after that, I asked her to officially be my girlfriend and she said yes. In the next few days after that, we spent some time together and things seemed fine, but I've just gotten some news from a friend of mine.
By a weird coincidence, my friend and girlfriend actually work at the same job and he's told me that she's always going out of her way to interact with some guy that she has a romantic history with. Apparently this guy and my girlfriend went on a date once, but they never officially started going out because she used the "I'm not ready for a relationship" excuse. But my friend says that she's now started talking him again. (they stopped talking after she called things off) He says that she's constantly asking him how he's doing, saying hi to him, saying bye at the end of a shift, etc.
I'm seriously worried that she likes this other guy at work and is now leaving me in the dust. I want to believe that she's just displaying friendly behavior and she's finally feeling confident in them being friends, but I just don't know. Am I overreacting?
Asking her to be your "official" girlfriend sounds possessive and I'm sure she feels you are. She said yes so you could keep dating. By "official" do you mean she can't date others? If so, that is a PROFOUND restriction you are expecting of her and makes YOU come across as desperate and needy. She has already picked up that vibe and it's not romantic.
In dating, women decide IF, WHEN, and HOW a relationship will happen. Not the man. If she wants to be exclusive and put a label on 'us', let her do that. What's the man's job? To provide for the opportunity for her to make those if, when, and how decisions. Take her on fun dates that don't feel possessive.
Asking her to be your "official" girlfriend sounds possessive and I'm sure she feels you are. She said yes so you could keep dating. By "official" do you mean she can't date others? If so, that is a PROFOUND restriction you are expecting of her and makes YOU come across as desperate and needy. She has already picked up that vibe and it's not romantic.
In dating, women decide IF, WHEN, and HOW a relationship will happen. Not the man. If she wants to be exclusive and put a label on 'us', let her do that. What's the man's job? To provide for the opportunity for her to make those if, when, and how decisions. Take her on fun dates that don't feel possessive.
I do not know the original poster, so I do not know his history. Nor am I familiar with the other thread someone else alluded to. But.... this 2nd paragraph I quoted seems bizarre to me.
It does take 2 people to have a relationship. And, being needy and controlling is not good in a relationship.
However, there is nothing wrong with asking someone you are dating if they would not mind being exclusive. I am not talking about the original poster in my comments now, but just the 2nd paragraph I am quoting.
Feeling possessive can go too far, but I just cannot see things as stated above in the quote.
Last edited by MisterShipWreck; 06-08-2019 at 08:36 AM..
I doubt she would have agreed to be your girlfriend if she liked this other guy so much. People have opposite sex friends at work who they feel comfortable with. You’re the real boyfriend. Show her a good time.
I do not know the original poster, so I do not know his history. Nor am I familiar with the other thread someone else alluded to. But.... this 2nd paragraph I quoted seems bizarre to me.
It does take 2 people to have a relationship. And, being needy and controlling is not good in a relationship.
However, there is nothing wrong with asking someone you are dating if they would not mind being exclusive. I am not talking about the original poster in my comments now, but just the 2nd paragraph I am quoting.
Feeling possessive can go too far, but I just cannot see things as stated above in the quote.
Women decide if, when, and how there is going to be a relationship. If they didn't a man could walk up to a woman on the street and command her to be his on the spot. When dating it's best when exclusivity is her decision, when she wants it, so that she feels free to love or not, and love is not a command. If a man asks too soon, when she's not feeling ready, why is HE so anxious? That will feel possessive to her.
So just let her bring up exclusivity. And she will for certain when she is in love with him. Women fall in love 10x slower then men. Men have to be patient and allow that to happen.
In the OP they started dating last month! She is not in love with him yet and he asked her to be his 'official' gf. She said yes. But he heard about her getting cozy to an ex. Now he's freaking out. Why? Because he thought they made a deal that she is HIS and no one else. He wants exclusivity is him really seeking approval from her that he is good enough to be her only bf. Instead of dumping labels on her, what he should do is take her on romantic dates that rock her boat. Instead, he wanted to possess her right away. She is not going to be feeling that way this soon. Let the woman decide is always best.
But he heard about her getting cozy to an ex. Now he's freaking out.
He didn't hear about her getting cozy, he heard about her saying "hello," "goodbye," and "how are you?" to him. If exchanging pleasantries with a coworker is grounds for concern in a relationship, then most of us are in trouble.
Asking her to be your "official" girlfriend sounds possessive and I'm sure she feels you are. She said yes so you could keep dating. By "official" do you mean she can't date others? If so, that is a PROFOUND restriction you are expecting of her and makes YOU come across as desperate and needy. She has already picked up that vibe and it's not romantic.
In dating, women decide IF, WHEN, and HOW a relationship will happen. Not the man. If she wants to be exclusive and put a label on 'us', let her do that. What's the man's job? To provide for the opportunity for her to make those if, when, and how decisions. Take her on fun dates that don't feel possessive.
Wow. This is just straight-up weird.
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112
Women decide if, when, and how there is going to be a relationship. If they didn't a man could walk up to a woman on the street and command her to be his on the spot. When dating it's best when exclusivity is her decision, when she wants it, so that she feels free to love or not, and love is not a command. If a man asks too soon, when she's not feeling ready, why is HE so anxious? That will feel possessive to her.
If he "asks too soon," she says no, end of story.
Asking is not "commanding."
You have some strange ideas about relationship dynamics.
If he is asking too soon when she is not in love with him, because he is anxious, like the OP is, will almost certainly cause her to pull back and go 'wait a sec'. It will feel like to her he wants to control her. If it's too soon for her. It's like asking her to get married when she wasn't feeling that at all.
So guys just be patient and do the right things to make her fall in love with you, and she'll want to be exclusive, and she will let you know. When it's her idea she is invested in the making of the relationship.
Quote:
Asking is not "commanding."
I'm talking to the OP. Or a guy too anxious asking for a commitment from her. The OP hasn't dated the girl even two months and looks clear he asked to be 'official' not for her benefit, but for his insecurity. He basically was demanding a commitment from her.
Last edited by james112; 06-08-2019 at 08:08 PM..
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