Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think OP is being scrutinised unfairly and having all sorts of motiverrs, past experiences and attitudes ascribed to him that he doesn’t necessarily have.
By its very nature, the world of pursuits and approaches is fraught with risk and potential misunderstandings, particularly in the age of #metoo. Who can blame anyone for wanting to absent themselves from it?
Choosing not to play the game does not equate to a history of rejection, involuntary celibacy or some of the things a few of you have quite snarkily suggested. What if it boils down to a simple cost/benefit analysis, the results of which OP may find lacking? Perhaps, like me, he prioritises things in life other than romantic love and prefers to put most of his time and energy into them.
Mostly, the negative experiences involved people pretending to be someone they're not, to give the impression that we had a great connection. There was one other situation that was straight out of a soap opera: A woman dated me to make one of my ex-gfs jealous, and start some kind of war in their social circle. It got way out of hand before I even knew what was happening, and then I was basically a social pariah for about two years.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AfellowPerson
I've never actually been rejected, because I've never pursued (or asked out) a woman. If a woman has given me the courtesy of humanizing me (by being friendly, or making conversation,) the last thing I would do is assume that it means she might be interested in more than just the friendly conversation.
Also, I didn't go down this path in life so that people would think I'm a gentleman. When I was 18, my eyes were opened to the world that many women face, a world of opportunistic men plying their wares like a door-to-door salesman, and it made me want to do better than was expected of men. I certainly wasn't trying to impress anybody. If you don't believe that, think about this: I never talked about this for the first twenty years I was doing it. I only started talking about it a couple years ago, when I got to a personal crossroads and started questioning the choices I've made in life.
It's sad that you live in an area where apparently so many women have been traumatized by men, to the point that they need YOU to heal them.
I've known many women who have been either raped, molested or assaulted. After getting to know me, they opened up about what they experienced, and in some cases, I'm the first person they've ever told. Some of these women have told me that I helped them heal from these past traumas. However, they never said that they needed me to do it
Mostly, the negative experiences involved people pretending to be someone they're not, to give the impression that we had a great connection. There was one other situation that was straight out of a soap opera: A woman dated me to make one of my ex-gfs jealous, and start some kind of war in their social circle. It got way out of hand before I even knew what was happening, and then I was basically a social pariah for about two years.
Was this in high school? Middle school? It does not sound like a description of adult behavior.
Are you basing your current opinions of women on the actions of children?
I've known many women who have been either raped, molested or assaulted. After getting to know me, they opened up about what they experienced, and in some cases, I'm the first person they've ever told. Some of these women have told me that I helped them heal from these past traumas. However, they never said that they needed me to do it
I've known many women who have been either raped, molested or assaulted.
Come now.
That’s hardly in the same ballpark as being asked out on a date, which is what you said this thread is about.
I recommend personal therapy to help you navigate this crossroads. I don’t think you’re crazy for not asking out women. I just think your rationale for whatever you’re doing or not doing is completely screwed up.
Was this in high school? Middle school? It does not sound like a description of adult behavior.
Are you basing your current opinions of women on the actions of children?
I didn't date as a child. The first woman who asked me out, I was 25. The experiences I'm referring to happened in my twenties and thirties
edit: those experiences in question didn't influence my opinions of women. They're things I experienced that soured me on relationships. The previous question was if I was even interested in having a relationship
Last edited by AfellowPerson; 05-27-2019 at 10:40 PM..
Reason: clarification
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
