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OP vanished, I see...
A woman surprised by a kiss? Seriously? Do they exist?
OP, just in case you return.
STOP. Stop right here. Yes, I do get it, you are craving. You devorced, you didn't have emotional involvement in XXX period of time, hormones are now everywhere over your body, mind is catering all kinds of fantasies, and so on...
STOP.
You have been burnt once. You want to be burnt again? No.
So do NOT pursue this female, until SHE does next step. What I am saying - do not contact her. Period. Even if she contacts you, which is today something like 5 days after your date - she either contacts YOU first or you forget it and go back to enjoying life. And even if she contacts you - do not respond right away. Give if a few days then respond with something courteous but NOT showing clearly any interest.
Or, if you do initiate contact, this will mean that you caved in, she will know it, and you will become another floor mat. Like you were before, as women do not betray strong men. But the very moment they lose respect to a man - oh, all kinds of things WILL happen. And you do not gain and maintain respect by caving in.
I spoke. You do as you wish.
Caved into what? She'll know what? I thought she made it pretty clear she was into him. They had two good dates. What's the issue? That she didn't "put out" for a kiss? Really?? She felt it was premature, and it was completely unexpected for her. But she didn't let it spoil the evening, or the dating process. Unless he chooses to let it fizzle, by following your warmped game-playing instructions.
Oh well. If he's into that kind of game-playing, then it's just as well the dating fizzles. They wouldn't be a good match, then.
What is with this inclination some guys have, to view dating as a power struggle? They've only had two dates, and already there's a power struggle projected onto it? Way to self-sabotage! I thought most guys outgrow this phase after Middle School or high school. Oh well. I guess she's not his type, if that's the way he is.
Like you were before, as women do not betray strong men.
Women do not refuse kisses from strong men, either. Attraction trumps everything. OP, don't contact this woman. If she were truly attracted to you, she'd have kissed you by the second date.
If she contacts you and asks why you stopped calling/texting, just say "I thought that's what you wanted. It didn't seem like you felt a connection." (With "didn't feel a connection" being code for "didn't find you desirable".)
I can't believe how pushy everyone is. No one takes the time anymore to get to know people before it gets sexual.
Because... for decades since Third Wave feminism went into effect, 80%-er men were told to "wait", "be patient", and what-have-you. At the same time, 20%-er men were getting sexual action anywhere from the first date to the first hour. After that went on for enough time, trust and patience wore thin. And the truth came out in writings that aren't held in high regard around here.
There could be a number of reasons she wasn't receptive to a kiss on the second date, or the way that you kissed her. Maybe she feels like it's a little too fast or something in her past could cause her to be hesitant. But it's all speculation.
I do think she likes you, OP. Since you're a man in your 30s, how about you approach it maturely and up front? And not via text. On the phone or on your next date.
"When I kissed you on Friday night, you didn't kiss me back. Was it too soon, a bad approach, or are you not feeling the same chemistry?"
See what she has to say before deciding to end things.
When you sat down next to her and you both pretended that nothing happened was a missed opportunity to say "I'm sorry. Should I have not done that?"
If I was her and was asked so directly I would feel EVEN MORE put on the spot! She's not gonna keep going out with for no reason. That's not to say this is a slam dunk but that she needs more time. If YOUR time is so precious you can't wait a couple more dates, then by all means, "dump" her now.
People are so afraid they'll waste a damn evening that they don't let enough time pass for anything to develop. It's either immediate fireworks or "welp, 5 minutes in and no chemistry so I'm out". You're going to burn through a whole lot of good women if that's your attitude.
Because... for decades since Third Wave feminism went into effect, 80%-er men were told to "wait", "be patient", and what-have-you. At the same time, 20%-er men were getting sexual action anywhere from the first date to the first hour. After that went on for enough time, trust and patience wore thin. And the truth came out in writings that aren't held in high regard around here.
Literally the blind leading the blind here ^^^.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
If I was her and was asked so directly I would feel EVEN MORE put on the spot! She's not gonna keep going out with for no reason. That's not to say this is a slam dunk but that she needs more time. If YOUR time is so precious you can't wait a couple more dates, then by all means, "dump" her now.
People are so afraid they'll waste a damn evening that they don't let enough time pass for anything to develop. It's either immediate fireworks or "welp, 5 minutes in and no chemistry so I'm out". You're going to burn through a whole lot of good women if that's your attitude.
If I was her and was asked so directly I would feel EVEN MORE put on the spot! She's not gonna keep going out with for no reason. That's not to say this is a slam dunk but that she needs more time. If YOUR time is so precious you can't wait a couple more dates, then by all means, "dump" her now.
People are so afraid they'll waste a damn evening that they don't let enough time pass for anything to develop. It's either immediate fireworks or "welp, 5 minutes in and no chemistry so I'm out". You're going to burn through a whole lot of good women if that's your attitude.
Exactly. The process is supposed to be fun. The OP said he "really liked" her. So what's the problem? He doesn't want to spend another date in the company of someone he really likes?
Maybe the OP has an outsized fear of rejection, maybe that's why he read rejection into her avoidance of the kiss, in spite of her obvious enjoyment of the rest of the evening, her opening up to him about personal issues, and all the other positive signals.
Because... for decades since Third Wave feminism went into effect, 80%-er men were told to "wait", "be patient", and what-have-you. At the same time, 20%-er men were getting sexual action anywhere from the first date to the first hour. After that went on for enough time, trust and patience wore thin. And the truth came out in writings that aren't held in high regard around here.
No, men have been told to wait since long before 3rd Wave feminism. This has nothing to do with any waves. It's about individual women's preferences and approaches to dating. If you're going to read into it a power struggle, game-playing, and whatever other neurotic interpretations, then you need professional help. Or you can look for the women who move at your speed. But don't then condemn them for being too easy, "riding the carousel" and all that other nonsense.
She is not into you. Move on.
Dont read too much into it, the attraction is not there for her. It has nothing to do with you.
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Way to self-sabotage! I thought most guys outgrow this phase after Middle School or high school. Oh well. I guess she's not his type, if that's the way he is.
