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I (20F) met my bf(28M) of an year on a dating site-I go to college and he works full time.Recently, his female friend(28F)(also coworker since past 2 years) had a bad date(her date left promptly after he pressured her to have sex and she refused) and asked my bf at midnight if he could go to the beach with her. Now,mind you,I would've been totally okay with him supporting his friend under normal circumstances-however,said female friend called him up at midnight.They spent time at the beach(bf told me she ate his mind out) and then went back to her place and cookednoodles. Bf then texted me back very early in the morning telling me about the night.I felt upset and told him about it, and he reassured me that she's just like a big sister to him.He keeps hanging out with her one on one after that night.She asked him to go the beach again a few weeks later at night.The next morning I wouldn't reply to his texts and he profusely apologized, saying he'll stand outside my house waiting for me the entire day if I don't come see him.We quickly made up.Could it be because he knows she makes me a little uncomfortable or is he really hiding something?I don't even know if the girl knows about me or our relationship-he told me last year he wanted to introduce me to her but never followed through, and I've never met or talked to her.Please offer advice on how to proceed.
I told him I'm feeling insecure and would like to meet her a few days ago and bf agreed.He said she's only available on the weekends knowing fully well that I can't make it on the weekends.This is how the convo went:
Me:Can your friend probably make it on one of the weekdays?
bf:Will be tough and definitely not before like 7 She generally works till 8 Will be very tough to plan ahead On FB you can connect with her
Me:What's her name?
Bf:*her name*
me:Alright,let me try to make it on the weekend-if not,I'll just talk to her on fb
Meoes your friend know me or do I need to introduce myself to her first?
bf:She knows
me:Okay cool
bf:Just send her a request and she'll start yapping.So be careful
Last edited by PJSaturn; 12-21-2020 at 09:32 PM..
Reason: Merged 2 threads on same topic.
Meeting her at the beach at midnight.. really? In my experience, you only meet someone at the beach that late for a booty call.
The way I see it, he either has really poor boundaries or is playing you for a fool. I wouldn't be happy with either option. In your position I would not trust or respect him for that kind of behavior.
Can you imagine how he would react if the situations were reversed? I can't imagine him being ok with you meeting a guy that late at the beach. I wouldn't even bother to meet his "friend" because she clearly didn't care about being inappropriate or disrespecting you in the first place.
Anyway, that's just my view. At the end of the day, you have to go by your own intuition and gut feeling.
Yeah, there are boundaries as mention and he apparently doesn’t have any.
The fact that he met her at midnight on the beach (red flag) He went to her place to cook noodles (yeah right! Red flag) leaves in the morning from her place.
I understand helping someone out by listening on the phone but a meet up why? Only thing I can think of is for physical contact being what it may.
It doesn’t matter if anything is going on between them or not. He knows it makes you feel uncomfortable. He doesn’t fully respect your feelings. She doesn’t either.
IME, it’s sort of normal to have close platonic relationships with people, especially when you’re in your 20’s. However, if your partner feels uncomfortable, you need to dial it back some. Your BF needs to wake up.
There’s no reason to get to know this woman if it’s not a natural occurrence. It won’t prevent anything from happening. You can’t claim your turf. It’s a waste of time.
Your BF is probably too old for you right now, anyway. You’re still in school and should be focused on that. Let him go.
Could be harmless. Some guys are very naive and don't think anything of it. I am a jealous person and if my bf would go meet a girl at night ... all hell would break lose. He needs to set boundaries. And no more non-emergency midnight calls.
I lost my last bf after demanding similar boundaries. Good riddance.
The way I look at it, if he is going to cheat, he is going to cheat. If that is his nature, it doesn't matter whether he is meeting friends on the beach at midnight or not. You either trust him 100% or not at all.
That said, it is disrespectful of him if he is not conscious and considerate of your feelings and puts his friendship before your relationship.
The story doesn't make any sense. She had a bad date, so she needs someone to go to the beach with her at midnight? What?! What does meeting someone at the beach at midnight have to do with it? And why is this flower so fragile, that a date demanding sex, then leaving, somehow causes her to collapse and require resuscitation? What planet does she live on, that that scenario is for her a first-ever dating occurrence at 28?!
Nothing about this makes any sense at all.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 05-30-2019 at 09:15 AM..
The way I look at it, if he is going to cheat, he is going to cheat. If that is his nature, it doesn't matter whether he is meeting friends on the beach at midnight or not. You either trust him 100% or not at all.
That said, it is disrespectful of him if he is not conscious and considerate of your feelings and puts his friendship before your relationship.
I agree with the bolded. No amount of talking/communicating insecurities and boundaries is going to stop a cheater from cheating.
I personally would be VERY suspicious of them going to the beach together ALONE at MIDNIGHT. That makes no sense to me and I can't see how anyone could justify that. But then again like another poster mentioned, some people are just naive and don't think they're doing anything wrong.
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oes your friend know me or do I need to introduce myself to her first?
What planet does she live on, that that scenario is for her a first-ever dating occurrence at 28?!
