An intense bittersweet story...gone way too soon? +Long +Vent (dating, boyfriend)

[TennesseeW]

Me 29, She 25

I’m French. So first of all excuse my English. Three months ago I met a German girl in the language school where I work. It was just a look but the way she looked at me hypnotized me. I had never felt something similar and I’ve already been in relationships or felt attracted by other girls. She was a student of another group so I wasn’t supposed to see her again. That look stayed within me, she seemed curious, she seemed as if she wanted to talk with me. Her eyes had spoken to me.

After this I never saw her again, just twice in the school and she kept looking at me in the same way. I decided to forget about her as it was impossible to do nothing and maybe I just was making this story up in my head.

But then, two months ago, my boss told me I had to do a tour in a near city with this group of German students. The whole day this girl was next to me and we finished talking. It was nice, I felt as if I already knew her, it was so strange… I felt so comfortable with her. At the end of the day we exchanged numbers. This also marked their last day in the School.

Things happened quickly. We met after that and on the second date we finished kissing. We started to see each other more. She seemed attached to me: she kept writing me every day and wanted to know what I was doing or just wanted to see me. Eventually she admitted she had a boyfriend in Germany but she said things had not been okay for months with him and that she wanted to leave him. She went back to Germany for a weekend and broke up with him so she wouldn’t feel bad about kissing me or being with me.

We had sex. We started sharing more time and seeing each other everyday. Lots of jokes, conversation, etc. She seemed really attracted to me, kept complimenting me, saying all things she liked about me, kissing me, hugging me… All this time has been wonderful. We realised we had a lot of things in common.

But also, all this time I’ve been having the thought that eventually she’ll leave for Germany (in two months) and I’m a guy who cannot avoid thinking about the future. Sometimes I was sad because I knew it was way too soon to talk about plans and knew that also she needed time because of her recent breakup.

She realized one day though and I had to tell her my fears. After a conversation she admitted me she hadn’t thought about the future but that she enjoyed spending her time with me and that that was all that mattered for her now. This somehow relieved me and I decided to live day by day (even if this is difficult for me). Those days she started saying we could eventually be more than friends.

However, last week things escalated quickly. She started panicking because she thought she was pregnant. I’ve always used protection and I knew it was impossible but she kept repeating it. She was so stressed that she started saying “if my period doesn’t come I’ll go back to Germany”.

This Sunday her period didn’t come and she started panicking. I tried to reassure her by saying it’s maybe because you’ve been stressing all week. She didn’t hear me and kept saying we were ****ed up. On Monday we were supposed to go to the beach together and spend a couple of days there. She was really excited about this and asked her boss to give her a day so we could be together more time. At the same time she kept stressing about her period and I was having a bad day too so I told her “hey I want to relax in the beach if we’re going to be there stressing there’s no point in going, spend money and all”. She was so angry she didn’t come to pick me up like usually at the end of the day and just texted me that I thought more about money than spending time together and sorting this pregnant thing out. She also said that it seemed as if I was punishing her for behaving like this.

I tried to speak with her, it was impossible. She had even bought pregnancy tests and now she wanted to be alone. Tuesday was a crazy day: in the morning she did the test and got negative. She told me this and I said I was sorry because of the day before; I was also stressed and didn’t mean to say that. I told her we could still go to the beach. She didn’t want to, said was really hurt. Still, she stressed about her period not coming and told me she would try again a test in a couple of days.

That afternoon she wrote me and seemed really cold. She just said “hey I’m going to be busy until Friday we’ll meet then”. It was such a strange message. I wrote her I didn’t understand what was going on, said my comment was just a mistake and that I cared about her and about this pregnancy stress thing (in my head I’ve always thought it was nothing though). She wanted to wait for the results before seeing me again.

Next day, yesterday, she wrote me not to stress because she had just had her period and told me to meet in the centre. When I saw her I knew something was going on. She told me we needed to stop seeing each other because this episode made her remember an abortion she had when she was 18 with her boyfriend at the time. She was really frightened and just to think that could happen here in a different country with a language she couldn’t speak so well stressed her. She said “if I was in a relationship okay but I’m not willing to be in one now”. She also said she didn’t want me to tell her “give me back my time” in two months when she had to go because she couldn’t promise me we were going to be together after her depart.

I could see her face and I could see she was really sad. She kept hugging me, caressing me, looking into my eyes. I tried to speak with her, tried to tell her “there’s ways to do this, we were okay, I like you, you like me, why stop like this now?” but she said in her mind it made sense. “I want to be on my own here, sort things out alone, not depend on anyone. I’ve always been with someone all my life and want to try being alone for once. My idea of coming here was to be alone and I’m again with someone”. She also said “I like you but we’ve met in the wrong time. I know the universe will regulate itself and maybe this is how things have to be now”. So I said "if this is what you really want then there's nothing I can say or do to change your mind but I hope you won't regret this in the near future".

The goodbye was so sad… she kissed me. I could see she didn’t want to go. It was me who had to get her up and tell her she needed to go. I remember her face looking into my eyes in the same way that at the beginning. I whispered to her “I’m going to miss you”. Then as we separated our hands stayed together until the very end. And she whispered “Good bye”.

I know this seems like a story but it’s the truth. Also I’m a hopeless romantic so this pieces of souvenirs are really vivid in my mind. To tell you I haven’t cried since would be a lie. But what really made me cry was that hours after that meeting she wrote me a message in German which translated said “I’m going to miss you too” and a heart. I was so sad because I couldn’t understand why she could pass from wanting to go to the beach with me, being so excited, to telling me not to see each other again. I think she decided this in a hurry, without thinking, just based on the pregnancy stress and maybe also because I cancelled the holidays. Is now she -somehow- 'punishing' me? Also yesterday afternoon she put in her WhatsApp info “Je vais te mangeeer” (I’m going to eat you) a joke we used to have and say to each other.

Again I was so sad and I didn’t understand why she did this. I haven’t answered her message and didn’t react to the other. I don’t want to say anything, I think there’s nothing else to do and even though I don’t understand why she behave like this I think it’s more intelligent not to write to her.

This is so sad but started so, so good. Things can just go downhill in a second. That’s something I’ll never get used to.

I found this forum and decided to vent a little. I know most people won’t read and that others won’t read until the end. However, if you’ve come this far thank you for reading. I just wanted to share my story.

[M3Guy]

Originally Posted by TennesseeW

Me 29, She 25

I’m French. So first of all excuse my English. Three months ago I met a German girl in the language school where I work. It was just a look but the way she looked at me hypnotized me. I had never felt something similar and I’ve already been in relationships or felt attracted by other girls. She was a student of another group so I wasn’t supposed to see her again. That look stayed within me, she seemed curious, she seemed as if she wanted to talk with me. Her eyes had spoken to me.

After this I never saw her again, just twice in the school and she kept looking at me in the same way. I decided to forget about her as it was impossible to do nothing and maybe I just was making this story up in my head.

But then, two months ago, my boss told me I had to do a tour in a near city with this group of German students. The whole day this girl was next to me and we finished talking. It was nice, I felt as if I already knew her, it was so strange… I felt so comfortable with her. At the end of the day we exchanged numbers. This also marked their last day in the School.

Things happened quickly. We met after that and on the second date we finished kissing. We started to see each other more. She seemed attached to me: she kept writing me every day and wanted to know what I was doing or just wanted to see me. Eventually she admitted she had a boyfriend in Germany but she said things had not been okay for months with him and that she wanted to leave him. She went back to Germany for a weekend and broke up with him so she wouldn’t feel bad about kissing me or being with me.

We had sex. We started sharing more time and seeing each other everyday. Lots of jokes, conversation, etc. She seemed really attracted to me, kept complimenting me, saying all things she liked about me, kissing me, hugging me… All this time has been wonderful.

But also, all this time I’ve been having the thought that eventually she’ll leave for Germany (in two months) and I’m a guy who cannot avoid thinking about the future. Sometimes I was sad because I knew it was way too soon to talk about plans and knew that also she needed time because of her recent breakup.

She realized one day though and I had to tell her my fears. After a conversation she admitted me she hadn’t thought about the future but that she enjoyed spending her time with me and that that was all that mattered for her now. This somehow relieved me and I decided to live day by day (even if this is difficult for me). Those days she started saying we could eventually be more than friends.

However, last week things escalated quickly. She started panicking because she thought she was pregnant. I’ve always used protection and I knew it was impossible but she kept repeating it. She was so stressed that she started saying “if my period doesn’t come I’ll go back to Germany”.

This Sunday her period didn’t come and she started panicking. I tried to reassure her by saying it’s maybe because you’ve been stressing all week. She didn’t hear me and kept saying we were ****ed up. On Monday we were supposed to go to the beach together and spend a couple of days there. She was really excited about this and asked her boss to give her a day so we could be together more time. At the same time she kept stressing about her period and I was having a bad day too so I told her “hey I want to relax in the beach if we’re going to be there stressing there’s no point in going, spend money and all”. She was so angry she didn’t come to pick me up like usually at the end of the day and just texted me that I thought more about money than spending time together and sorting this pregnant thing out.

I tried to speak with her, it was impossible. She had even bought pregnancy tests and now she wanted to be alone. Tuesday was a crazy day: in the morning she did the test and got negative. She told me this and I said I was sorry because of the day before, that I also was stressed and didn’t mean to say that. I told her we could still go to the beach. She didn’t want to, said was really hurt. Still, she stressed about her period not coming and told me she would try again a test in a couple of days.

That afternoon she wrote me and seemed really cold. She just said “hey I’m going to be busy until Friday we’ll meet then”. It was so weird I got panicked. Why this? I wrote her I didn’t understand what was going on, said my comment was just a mistake and that I cared about her and about this pregnancy stress thing (in my head I’ve always thought it was nothing though). She wanted to wait before the results before seeing me.

Next day, yesterday, she wrote me not to stress because she had just had her period and told me to meet in the centre. When I saw her I knew something was going on. She told me we needed to stop seeing each other because this episode made her remember an abortion she had when she was 18 with her boyfriend at the time. She was really frightened and just to think that could happen here in a different country with a language she couldn’t speak so well stressed her. She said “if I was in a relationship okay but I’m not willing to be in one now”. She said she didn’t want me to tell her “give me back my time” in two months when she had to go because she couldn’t promise me we were going to be together after her depart.

I could see her face and I could see she was really sad. She kept hugging me, caressing me, looking into my eyes. I tried to speak with her, tried to tell her “there’s ways to do this, we were okay, I like you, you like me, why stop like this now?” but she said in her mind it made sense. “I want to be on my own here, sort things out alone, not depend on anyone. I’ve always been with someone all my life and want to try being alone for once. My idea of coming here was to be alone and I’m again with someone”. She also said “I like you but we’ve met in the wrong time. I know the universe will regulate itself and maybe this is how things have to be now”.

The goodbye was so sad… she kissed me. I could see she didn’t want to go. It was me who had to get her up and tell her she needed to go. I remember her face looking into my eyes in the same way that at the beginning. I whispered to her “I’m going to miss you”. Then as we separated our hands stayed together until the very end. And she whispered “Good bye”.

I know this seems like a story but it’s the truth. Also I’m a hopeless romantic so this pieces of souvenirs are really vivid in my mind. To tell you I haven’t cried since would be a lie. But what really made me cry was that hours after that meeting she wrote me a message in German which translated said “I’m going to miss you too” and a heart. I was so sad because I couldn’t understand why she could pass from wanting to go to the beach with me, being so excited, to telling me not to see each other again. I think she decided this in a hurry, without thinking, just based on the pregnancy stress and maybe also because I cancelled the holidays. Also yesterday afternoon she put in her WhatsApp info “Je vais te mangeeer” (I’m going to eat you) a joke we used to have and say to each other.

Again I was so sad and I didn’t understand why she did this. I haven’t answered her message and didn’t react to her sentence. I don’t want to say anything, I think there’s nothing else to do and even though I don’t understand why she behave like this I think it’s more intelligent not to write to her.

This is so sad but started so, so good. Things can just go downhill in a second. That’s something I’ll never get used to.

I found this forum and decided to vent a little. I know most people won’t read and that others won’t read until the end. However, if you’ve come this far thank you for reading. I just wanted to share my story.

Agreed to the bolded part. It's like an "on/off" switch in the dating world.

Thanks for sharing your story! Things always get better.

[CapsChick]

Your English is excellent!

I'm sorry that this happened. You're right that there is nothing you can do but respect her wishes, even though it hurts. I hope you meet someone wonderful and local whose heart is as open as yours is. Bonne chance.

[M3Guy]

Speaking from personal experience, things like this will cause you to guard yourself more. As much as my dating life sucks, if I meet someone that is interested in me, and I like her, I tend to clam up to protect myself. Try not to let this happen to you OP.

[Jjgirl94]

Wow she sounds so immature and young. You are better off without her - if she can panic and make a big scene for 2 days late period or something so "simple" it's going to be a nightmare to have a serious life with her... with kids, a house, bills, etc..