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I live in a nice family oriented city (Phoenix) which I do enjoy. The cost of living is low, and my salary affords a very comfortable lifestyle here. Unfortunately, the dating scene is the only downside. Phoenix doesn't seem to attract a lot of single male professionals my age (35-45). I'm coming across mostly divorced men with young kids with alimony and mama drama of all sorts. Lack of ambition and professional aspirations is also pronounced, as a lot of people come here for nice weather and to escape high cost of living in other cities. I'm finding it hard to find a social niche here that I would fit in, being a white collar'ish ambitious professional who has traveled extensively, lived abroad and speaks several languages.
I have an opportunity to move with my current employer to the Bay Area (which I love as well). The only downside is that I wouldn't be getting any COL adjustment, so I'd have to downsize from a nice house and a comfy lifestyle to a studio apartment somewhere in the East Bay. But it seems that in the Bay Area I would have a better exposure to a social network of young childfree professionals my age. I'm also hearing that the demographics there favor women
I can't imagine downsizing from a house to a studio at 35! Have you checked Craigslist for the East Bay, to see if you could find a 2-br. apt.? Where would your workplace be located? Albany and Alameda have more reasonable rents. Same with Walnut Creek, which has a decent social scene for single professionals (along w/the E Bay towns bordering Berkeley/Oakland).
One thing about the Bay Area, is that the weather's so nice year-round, that there are more opportunities to get involved in community activities, outdoor recreation groups, and so on, to meet other singles. The Academy of Sciences in GG Park in SF has a once/weekly singles cocktail hour. There are a lot of singles mixer-type activities.
How would you feel if you made the move and it actually wasn't a better dating scene for you? Would you regret it? I love the Bay Area as well, but I'm not sure I would move exclusively to meet/date people.
You should definitely consider it, but you should make a full list of pros/cons ON PAPER to really see what you would be giving up for an unknown. Usually seeing it all written down provides more clarity.
OP, would there be better career opportunities in the Bay Area? I know you're set with your current employer, but would you maybe have more opportunities for upward mobility around the Bay, in the long-term view?
I hate to burst your bubble OP but finding someone you would consider your equal when you're highly accomplished is going to be tough no matter where you go at your age. The problem with high standards is that you restrict your potential market to a relatively small number of men. The number of women who want them is much greater than the available supply, especially since he'll be willing to date women younger than himself and you aren't willing to do the same with men. And the Bay Area isn't as favorable to dating as you might think for a variety of reasons. This is the trap that a lot of women fall into, they go out and have great careers, then they still cling to the same old expectations of "he must be my equal or better". That expectation worked 60 years ago when women largely didn't have much in the way of a post high school education or a career, but it isn't going to now. There's quite a large number of single women your age in a similar position and just doing a quick search of "I'm the last single woman I know" reveals page after page of stories that are largely the same.
Don't get me wrong, it's great you have accomplished all you have, but you can't have it both ways and trying to have the benefits of old society without any of the consequences will end in tears. If you really are an independent and accomplished woman, then as long as the guy treats you right and you enjoy being together what does it matter what his situation is? Just something to think about.
I would never move just because of dating. Phoenix has 1.6 million people, and while I understand with your age group many will be divorced and have kids, there still would a lot of men to choose from that have never been married or have kids.
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Ruth, in my field I'm better off sticking with my employer for a while. Thanks for the advice, as always!
SWFL, why Menver? (love the name BTW ) Does it have the type of social fabric I'm looking for? I do have an option to move there as well.
Dissenter, why not Bay Area for dating? Poor experience there for you? Would love to hear more thoughts on that.
Illumined, it's not about dating a "resume" per se, but rather being able to connect with my partner intellectually. Having shared values and life goals, etc.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Originally Posted by Flavia84
Ruth, in my field I'm better off sticking with my employer for a while. Thanks for the advice, as always!
SWFL, why Menver? (love the name BTW ) Does it have the type of social fabric I'm looking for? I do have an option to move there as well.
Dissenter, why not Bay Area for dating? Poor experience there for you? Would love to hear more thoughts on that.
Illumined, it's not about dating a "resume" per se, but rather being able to connect with my partner intellectually. Having shared values and life goals, etc.
Disclaimer: I’ve never been to the Bay Area, and honestly I would not want to live there due to the COL. But I want to caution against the perils of moving just for dating purposes, especially when you are downgrading your standard of living.
I myself was planning to move to Louisville a couple of months ago, before I got a job offer in my field here in DC. Historically, I’ve had better luck dating out there as my first couple of relationships were in KY and OH but the planned move made sense for many reasons other than dating. Lower COL, closer to look out for my mother nearby, closer to many friends back in the Ville and Indiana.
Just a general opinion, but if dating prospects were the main reason you were considering this move, I would not want to compromise my standard of living over something that is a very slim chance of working out to your favor.
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) Does it have the type of social fabric I'm looking for? I do have an option to move there as well.