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A little depressing to hear this sort or thing, truth be told. I can in some ways understand it though. Having a husband and kids and doing that whole thing can be work and some people might not be wired for it.
It's not just the work. It's the extreme expense (hundreds of thousands of dollars if not much more if your grown adult child needs help for whatever reasons). It's the intense judgment put on parents these days. Parents getting CPS called on them for letting their kids play outside alone, or the expectations of meeting a certain lifestyle standard or way of life (for example, people who take their kids backpacking all over the world vs giving them a "stable" life often get judged--any form of alternative lifestyle would be very difficult with kids).
It's having to make such big important decisions for someone else, like circumcision, medical care, education, etc. It's the loss of freedom. Having to wake up early in the mornings, never getting sleep. The loss of the ability to decide "You know what? I think I want to go to Puerto Rico today" (or anywhere else in the world) and the freedom to get on a plane and do it. It's the loss of the ability to take a rest day and just lay in bed regrouping yourself all day when needed. It's the loss of so much time that could be devoted to what you truly want to do, which for me, is to create art and writing I am passionate about.
Don't even get me started on the fighting parents experience with their kids as they become teens and adults. If you're lucky, you'll have kids you click with and adore and get along with well, but I've watched multiple friends raise teens now, and even those who had the most well-behaved little angels when the kids were younger are struggling pretty bad with the moodiness, talking back, fighting... And that's aside from the horrific possibility your kid will get into drugs and crime and become a "problem child".
I think some happiness can be found in any sort of lifestyle, but some paths in life come with much heavier burdens.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
Living in a never-ending, never-changing routine isn't fun for me.
That describes me exactly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by frimpter928
Learning to love yourself and being happy with who you are and living a fulfilling life are what will make you happy in life.
Agreed. Self-love is the answer to everything. Not only will it heal your past wounds, but it will also give you the strength and courage to say "Hey, this is the kind of life I want, and I'm not sorry."
Quote:
Originally Posted by floridarebel
Seems depressing to go all through life and never marry or have any kids. Just a big empty house.
When you don't have kids, there's no need to buy a house unless you want to. And if you want to, I assume it being empty would make you happy, not depressed.
One person's "empty" is another person's "peaceful."
I sure do enjoy being alone rather than being stuck in a miserable relationship.
But I do like what was mentioned at the end, the stigma that surrounds single older women AND men, especially without kids, as if something is 'wrong' with them.
Well, first off a lot of women (easily the vast majority) WANT children.
So, they would not be happier without children. Let's get that out of the way.
When you get older (40+) your social circle will decline, and sometimes it feels like you'd be better off having a family ... and you certainly know how lonely it might get without a partner. And this is coming from a person who puts the world lone in loner. I have a serious hobby that I can devote up to 20 hours a week to.
Even when they can hang out, hanging out with your friends that have kids is different.
If you're just single period, there's several weekends where you want to do things, but don't have someone to do them with.
I mean, if things were like how they were in my 20s and 30s, sure ... I always had friends at my disposal.
And I'm from the NYC area. If you're from the boonies, you really have to fight to scrap together a social life.
I mean things can be fine yea, but I definitely think its a stretch to say that life would be better alone for most people. A pretty big one...
Why not a cozy bungalow or apartment, with peace and quiet or the music you like, dust motes in the sunshine, a cup of tea and a jigsaw puzzle? That's what my "living alone" fantasy looks like. Oh and traveling anywhere I want, any time I want.
Or if I had a big house, it wouldn't often be empty, I'd invite friends over.
I feel like this kind of sentiment assumes people don't or can't have lots of fulfilling connections outside of a spouse and kids. It doesn't have to be lonely.
It's a more complicated issue and we shouldn't generalize, but here I go: I wonder if the posters responding about loneliness and empty houses are men? Women tend to have wider social circles outside of romantic relationships, so for many women, not being married wouldn't necessarily mean having no one to talk to or share life with.
It's a more complicated issue and we shouldn't generalize, but here I go: I wonder if the posters responding about loneliness and empty houses are men? Women tend to have wider social circles outside of romantic relationships, so for many women, not being married wouldn't necessarily mean having no one to talk to or share life with.
I absolutely think that's true.
Plus older women can do many more things together. They can go to the movies, go on road trips, go to a winery.
Two older guys doing that kind of stuff together? It's fine and I'm game, but that's not how most guys operate. Sometimes I envy women for that reason.
That said, I think women have more of a need to socialize so it evens out. I know dudes in their 40s who literally do nothing with their lives outside of work and are content. I know zero women who fit that description.
It's a more complicated issue and we shouldn't generalize, but here I go: I wonder if the posters responding about loneliness and empty houses are men? Women tend to have wider social circles outside of romantic relationships, so for many women, not being married wouldn't necessarily mean having no one to talk to or share life with.
My thoughts too, then that thought of alone=lonely gets projected. “See what you did by rejecting me? Now you’re miserable too.â€
I was never lonely, except the many times in my marriage when I really wished I had someone, but he wasn’t there. Then I was stuck. I expected something and couldn’t do anything about it. (Cheat). Once I was divorced, it never felt lonely to be alone, because I could change that.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by floridarebel
Seems depressing to go all through life and never marry or have any kids. Just a big empty house.
This is just an ignorant comment. Your life is what you make it. You can choose to have an active life and embrace being a great uncle or aunt figure or even a godparent who knows they will not be a great full time parent. There are always friends and if you have ones who care about you than your own blood family does (exhibit A here) makes it all the more better.
Well, first off a lot of women (easily the vast majority) WANT children.
So, they would not be happier without children. Let's get that out of the way.
When you get older (40+) your social circle will decline, and sometimes it feels like you'd be better off having a family ... and you certainly know how lonely it might get without a partner. And this is coming from a person who puts the world lone in loner. I have a serious hobby that I can devote up to 20 hours a week to.
Even when they can hang out, hanging out with your friends that have kids is different.
If you're just single period, there's several weekends where you want to do things, but don't have someone to do them with.
To the two bolded things...
1. Says who? Your social circle doesn't have to "decline" unless you let it. Why would it? You can be as social as you want to. I have friends of all ages and probably always will. It's not like you only have to hang out with your exact age group. If all your friends are too busy with marriage and kids to hang out with you in your 40s, find new friends! Find some cool younger people to hang with or maybe some older people who are retired and have empty nests. There is always someone else out there who is lonely and needs a friend, so if you're lonely, go find them and do some good in the world by making someone else happy.
2. Do things by yourself? I get sometimes it's fun to do things with others, but you should be able to have fun by yourself, too. If you can't find someone to do something with, don't let that stop you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
It's a more complicated issue and we shouldn't generalize, but here I go: I wonder if the posters responding about loneliness and empty houses are men? Women tend to have wider social circles outside of romantic relationships, so for many women, not being married wouldn't necessarily mean having no one to talk to or share life with.
It's so strange to me when people act like not having a family = being alone. I've always had a group of close friends I can lean on and talk to pretty much whenever I want. Some of them are married, too, so it's not like married people won't make time for you. That's another thing I don't get. When people are like "All my friends got married and had children and forgot about me!"
Those are some crappy friends, then. Almost all of my close friends have kids and quite a few of them are married. That has never stopped us from hanging out and being friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
This is just an ignorant comment. Your life is what you make it.
Exactly. It's sad how so many people are prisoners to the perspectives they've chosen to hold. They get stuck in the belief that "this is just how life is" or "that's how things go at this age" and don't realize you can live however you want.
1. Says who? Your social circle doesn't have to "decline" unless you let it. Why would it? You can be as social as you want to. I have friends of all ages and probably always will. It's not like you only have to hang out with your exact age group. If all your friends are too busy with marriage and kids to hang out with you in your 40s, find new friends! Find some cool younger people to hang with or maybe some older people who are retired and have empty nests. There is always someone else out there who is lonely and needs a friend, so if you're lonely, go find them and do some good in the world by making someone else happy.
2. Do things by yourself? I get sometimes it's fun to do things with others, but you should be able to have fun by yourself, too. If you can't find someone to do something with, don't let that stop you.
It's so strange to me when people act like not having a family = being alone. I've always had a group of close friends I can lean on and talk to pretty much whenever I want. Some of them are married, too, so it's not like married people won't make time for you. That's another thing I don't get. When people are like "All my friends got married and had children and forgot about me!"
Those are some crappy friends, then. Almost all of my close friends have kids and quite a few of them are married. That has never stopped us from hanging out and being friends.
Exactly. It's sad how so many people are prisoners to the perspectives they've chosen to hold. They get stuck in the belief that "this is just how life is" or "that's how things go at this age" and don't realize you can live however you want.
Well first off I'm not single.
I dont know what your age is but its easier said than done. You sound like a pretty no nonsense poster so I wont argue with you. But my experience is that its harder...
Im not whining Im just saying its harder
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